The Unofficial World Cup Sweepstake 2010 #2

Thanks to all of you reading this who took part in the World Cup sweepstake that myself and Dan conducted both on here and on Twitter. Of course, there can only be one winner, and I'm delighted to announce that The Plashing Vole, esteemed educational enforcer (alliteration!) at The Hegemon proved triumphant thanks to the Spanish conquering the world. And so we had to give him his prize, which if you remember was a "gift box" full of old tat that neither of us wanted any more.

This prize-giving ceremony took place today, and was a lot of fun. Meeting up with Dan at The Hegemon, our first task was to find a suitable place to make up the gift-box. We needed a table and some space, so where better to go than an empty lecture room? This enabled us to have a good platform for which to a) stuff the box as neatly as we could, and then b) decorate the box in the special way we had planned.

Dan took a few photos, which you can sample here:

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2lup6pf&s=3

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=muxvmr&s=3

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2v33n11&s=3

Voley accepted the box graciously - even the England flag I snuck in there. To see his take on things, please clicky linky here. We'll do it all again for Euro 2012...

A Good Day

Hello folks.

I've had a good day. I had to brave the journey into Wolverhampton to drop off an essay, and despite being a tad nervous about the trip there and back it went splendidly well:

Number of times I slipped over - 0

Number of snowballs thrown at me by little scrotes - 0

Trains on time - 2

Once in Wolvo, I dropped off the essay to a rather pretty blonde in the office, picked up some splendid books (many thanks Ben), tried to bribe a lecturer and then went shopping.

Here's something you don't know ladies - you think men don't like being dragged around the shops, right? That's not quite true - what we don't like is being dragged around women's shops.

Shoes. Handbags. Dresses. Underwear. Shoes. Make-up. Perfume. Cosmetics. More bloody shoes. This is what we do not like. Think of it in this simple term - we're far more interested in you taking your underwear off then trying it on for an hour in a humid shop changing room area.

But, shops. Proper shops. By golly, I'm a fan. I emerged from the high street after a fun hour with new XBox games, new books, new darts, food and drink. I would have stayed longer, but a) I had a train to catch and b) I had no room left in my bag. A shame, as I would love a new jumper and some new jeans.

I then have arrived home to find that Liz McClarnon, that lovely little Atomic Kitten sexpot, is following me on Twitter.

It's been a good day. I'm now going to read the Sloppy Star's letters page. Fingers crossed for a Slarkie special!

Annoyed

This probably isn't a good idea, considering a) no-one wants to read a rant, and b) a university lecturer is reading this, but fuck it. I'm annoyed at the moment because I'm trying to register my modules for the upcoming university year.

But let's not worry about "registering" just yet. Oh no, we have to actually choose them first.

"What's the problem Ewar? Just choose the modules you want to do, easy!" I hear you cry. But no, that would be too fucking simple wouldn't it? I'm doing a joint degree of Creative Writing and English. Instead of just picking what I want to do, I have to pick modules from Lists A, B and C for each. No-one has ever explained why this is. Than you have to pick "electives" which seems to be "a few other weird things, and a choice of anything else you haven't already picked".

This splendid List system means that in some cases I've had to pick modules I don't paticularly want to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure 'Vietnam in the US' is all rather splendid and interesting, but it has zero fucking relevance to either one of my courses. 'Popular Texts' I'm sure is marvellous, but 6-9pm is a bugger for me being able to get home. Never mind Ewar, you HAVE to do it, because it's the only option on List C that is available, as the others clash don't they? Good this, isn't it?

So, I've tentatively chosen a few modules, bearing in mind there's an equal balance between Semester 1 and Semester 2, and that they don't clash. Shall we check them out fully, see what they're all about? Yes, lets! So onto the university website we go. Oh, hang on? Were you expecting a module guide, to tell you what the module is all about? No, you see, we don't have those, anywhere. No, don't panic Ewar, the module guides are on WOLF...except that WOLF is seemingly stuck in last year and for a few modules the module guides are simply not there. Hmph. How about the course guides then?

Let's load up the English course guide...oh, and it's all for 1st year students. There is one page for 2nd year modules, which is the list once again telling us what options we can pick. Any information about these modules? Nah! Why would we, eh?

And now onto Pebblepad...actually, no, let's not even go there.

And now the timetable tells me that one of the modules I want to do does not start in Week 4 like everything else, but Week 6. Is that right? Or is that wrong? Let's e-mail the module leader and find out! I load up my university e-mail, and there's an e-mail from someone with a surname of Egginton (surely not a real surname) about module guides. Rather than selecting "multiple recipients" this pillock has listed every single name she's sent the e-mail to, so to get to the actual e-mail I have to scroll down about three thousand fucking million names. I finally get to the bottom, and there is no text, just an attachment:

winmail.dat

"winmail.dat"? That sounds a bit dubious. Voley, do you know this Egginton character? Is that attachment safe to open? If it is, marvellous, I'm presuming that holds all the module guides.

I've calmed down. Let's register my modules, despite not knowing a great deal about them, or when one of them actually starts! But hang on...how do I actually do that? I enlist the help of Merciless Public, who directs me to where I need to go - deep in the heart of e:vision, and certainly not easily accessible if you didn't know where it was.

I'm going to stop there, because this is actually making me tired. But it was fun to get all of that bile off my chest. And do you know the worst thing of all? The really fucking worst thing? I have to re-take a Level 1 module, because I disliked the lecturer of one module I failed, so I gave up on it. I won't be re-doing that module again, so it looks like the only module available to me is...is...is...poetry.

I'm off to shove a load of "happy pills" down my throat.

Is this the start or the end?

Sorry folks, it's time for another Slarkie letter. This one was published last night, and I was going to ignore it, as it wasn't particularly interesting, but then the ending caught my eye. This is either the start of something interesting, or it might be the death knell for it, I'm not too sure yet.

Slarkie? The floor is yours!

Whew! The letters page of the Star gets more like Wimbledon centre court every day.

It really doesn't. I hate to be pedantic and funny here, but there is absolutely no comparison with Wimbledon centre court at all going on here. Ever. Period.

Splendid smash from Alwyn Cox. Impossible to return the spin service - the grass twists under his feet.

I see. What Slarkie is about to do here is take people who have written in recently, and use various tennis comparisons to describe them.

Like I said, this letter isn't very interesting, and I was just going to ignore it. However, if we skip about 5 paragraphs and we get to the end...

The fun goes on...

It really doesn't.

and as for the guy who wishes to use all my letters to the "Sloppy Star" as he calls it, to make a blog for himself I hope he enjoys this one!

I bet he won't. Oh, I see - you mean me. I had a sneaking suspicion that either your good self or a relative of yours had visited my blog, Slarkie. If you are reading this, I'm not using your letters to make a name for myself, really. And I analyse your letters with a smile and a rueful shake of the head, not with anger and hatred. I don't agree with your views, but that is life. Keep on writing in, please. It's just a bit of fun, innit?

You'll have to go some to catch Guido Fawkes and the fortune he's made!

This is strictly non-profit, Slarkie. And thanks for the cheap plug.

I just want to end this entry with some responses to Voley's comment he left me earlier, which you can find if you scroll down and find my last Slark-related entry.

Vole: 1) I don't think Slark is a wind-up, I just think she's a little old lady with some funny views, and might be a bit lonely and wish to share them.

2) It is certainly not me! I swear on Ana Ivanovic's life, although writing letters like that as a joke would be the kind of silly thing I would do.

3) Just because she is a Blairite, does not take away from the fact that Caroline Flint is gorgeous. Especially by MPs standards...

I really am going to cut down on the Slark stuff now, and get back to regular blogging. But I'll still be reading, Slarkie...reading...and waiting...

Forgive me Father...

This post is half going to be an honest, trite confession, and half a shameless advertisement. That's how I roll, bitches.

One night, whilst chatting to Merciless Public, we had a conversation that went a bit like this:

MP - "You remember that culture thing that Voley was talking about setting up? He seems to have forgotten about it, doesn't he?"

EW - "Mmmhmm"

MP - "Well, why don't we...

EW - "No."

MP - "Seriously, why not? Fuck the whole culture thing, just do films. Like, an online film review thing - we can advertise on Facebook, get people signed up, get it going, maybe then get Vole and his intelligencia to join up, it would be great! We both love films, and talking about them, let's do it! We both share a love for pipedreams, after all."

I couldn't resist that, and an hour later we were the joint-owners of a film reviewing blog, named after a quirky little scene in a film we both love. It wasnt the most professional thing you've ever seen, but we didn't care. It was ours, and we were confident we could get it up and running, get a good debate going, our own little sanctuary away from the humdrum of our normal blogs.

Twenty-four hours later we were still planning the best course of action when my "Tweetdeck" buzzed at me - '1 All Friends'. It was Cynical Ben, and he was advertising something called "The Culture Cheese and Pineapple". My blood ran cold as I clicked on the link. Oh...My....no, surely not. Oh My God, it was. Vole and Ben had not forgotten "the culture thing", they had in fact been secretly been working on it. A bit later, Ben announced just as much on his blog. Their unveiling night, if you will.

Ever been kicked in the balls, or punched in the stomach? The Culture Cheese had come along, in all of it's good-looking, professional, cultured and stylish glory, and had pretty much squashed our effort before it had even got off the ground.

I won't lie to you, dear reader, we were both deflated. It's hard enough for Merciless Public as it is, living in West Bromwich. I closed my door. Closed my curtains. Put some Dido on. Sniffed some marker pens. Watched some Japanese pornography. Depression had set in. My friend Tim emailed me, enthusing about the site and ready to go. "It's off, Timmeh. Sorry." I tearfully wrote back. Even the legendary BOD fell into a depression after hearing the news, and could only reflect his sorrow to the outside world by updating his Facebook status every five fucking minutes.

Weeks passed. "Are you going to join Culture Cheese dude?" Merciless asked me, many times. "Fuck them" I thought. "Fuck them right off". But time is the ultimate healer, and I began to loosen my stance. I opened my bedroom door. I smiled and embraced the sun. I put on The Beach Boys. I kept on watching Japanese pornography. And then we found a new pipedream.

Merciless Public and I have set up a Fantasy Football league. It's hosted on premierleague.com, and it's free entry. We still have a few places left for our private league, so if you are interested in joining up, give either of us a bell (we're easily contactable). At the moment we have 6 teams, and Vole + Cynical Ben have said that they are both interested in signing up when they get a free moment.

That's very kind of them, and after hours of discussion with Merciless, we realised we had been a bit silly, rejecting The Culture Cheese. Put simply, it's a fantastic idea, the site looks fantastic, and we have both signed up. If you have an interest in things, which I'm sure you do, and you are prepared to write and share your opinion about them, go and sign up. I think Vole will agree - the more the merrier, and hopefully we'll get many different opinions on things. It should be interesting, and I for one am excited for it's August launch.

I already have my first suggestion lined up for The Culture Cheese. It's a challenging, thought provoking, intense and magnificent film, but I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what everyone else makes of "Japanese horny schoolgirls Volume 3 XXXXX Rated!"

Stat-porn explosion

The Plashing Vole is quick to criticise Twitter, but it's proved mildly useful today. The genius that is Lee Mack was looking for blogs, and I'm not one to pass up some cheap publicity. So I went ahead and plugged mine, and also alerted Merciless Public to it as well.

Well, I'm pleased to say that Lee Mack (who is wonderful, go and see him, leemacklive.com) came through in the clutch, and whacked up this blog addy on his twitter feed.

And now my stat-porn has fucking exploded, but I'm not complaining. First Ana Ivanovic, now this. Join me next time, when Dizzee Rascal tells The Guardian that he has this as his homepage.

Well, Fancy That!

My mother is doing the ironing in The Ginger Prince's playroom, whilst watching "Great Big British Menu" on the iPlayer. I walked in to have a quick browse of the mail (nothing for me, thankfully) and just as I was walking out, Jenni Bond shouted this out in a excited voice:

"But he's facing tough competition, from fiercely ambitious newcomer - Aidan Byrne!"

Socialist, lecturer, map twat, blogger, fencer, and now fiercely ambitious chef. Anything this man can't do?

Mixed Bag #2

Firstly, FAO the Plashing Vole - many sorries for overreacting madly yesterday. You caught me at a bad moment, but that isn't an excuse. I did pop up to your office today to apologise face to face but you weren't in - I like the cartoon strip on the door though.

Also, many thanks to Merciless Public who tried telling me at the time that I was being stupid and had the wrong end of the stick. I think it takes cajones for someone to tell their friend that they're being an idiot - you're a good friend Merciless.

Secondly, I've had a visitor from Malta, who stumbled upon my blog searching for info about Peter Ebdon. Is that you, Tony Drago?!

Thirdly, FAO Cynical Ben - you're confusing me. It seems every blog I read nowadays is secretly you. On the train going into uni today I twigged that "Radford Sallow" is probably you as well, which means you now have 3 alter egos. How very odd.

EDIT - And another alter ego created since I started writing this entry. Mad.

Fourthly, I met our window cleaner at Uni today, very crazy. Had a nice chat with him, turns out he has a contract with the Uni. Good for him. To clean the windows there, obviously.

Finally, if you're female, and you were standing at Wolverhampton train station earlier today wearing a blue jumper with red hearts on it, can I marry you please? 

PREMIER LEAGUE PREDICTIONS TONIGHT!

Mixed Bag

I'm annoyed to bump my apology to Laraine and Owain off the "top spot" on my blog, but blogging must go on! I do hope they read it. Anyway, this post will be a bit of a mixed bag, lots of stuff to ramble about/ponder.

Firstly, Premier League Predictions re-visited. I got 5 correct results, but 0 perfect scores. It is improvement, my friends. As for the weekend itself, we were humiliated, Scousers and Arsenal won, and it looks like the anti-football mobs of Bolton and Stoke (hides from Plashing Vole) are staying up. Hold me.

Secondly, I got all giddy when I looked at the stat-porn last night and found out that I had my first visitor from abroad! And not just any old place, no, only the fricking United Arab Emirates!
Sadly, about a nanosecond later the realisation hit me that it is not a curious Arab stranger, who stumbled upon this blog due to his love for Tim Lovejoy. No, it must be my old friend Joe, who is currently living out there, the lucky sod. Hope you and the team are doing great buddy.

Thirdly, it would be several shades of awesomeness if the IPL was to be played over here. I think it's a real shame that India cannot hold it, but nevertheless we should definitely strive to host it. And for that matter, if the security is good enough, how about Pakistan test matches as well?

Fourthly, there is no fourthly.

Finally, I have a new follower, and I'm excited to announce I don't know who he is! It's clearly someone from my English Lit. group, but as their profile tells me this person is 20, and they unfortunately suffer from tinnitus, it's not Shaun or Neil. Hmmm....how intriguing. A sad reflection on my part that I don't actually know anyone else on the module.
Anyway, welcome aboard 'Demented Demon'! As a way of thanking you for following me, I'll be linking to your blog around about now:

http://dementedtales.blogspot.com/

Go and read it people! Here is a chap with interesting, purposeful things to say. In the meantime, I'll carry on linking to Super Mario games or talking about cricket.

My First Blog

So, where to start? I've always been confused by blogs. It sounds like a word for a bowel movement - "Listen, I just had a McDonalds burger (eurgh) and I really need to go and take a blog".

But after following a blog, I began to understand the rich, cultured and beautiful role they can play on society. Sadly, "Fire Joe Morgan" has ceased now, but I urge you all to go and browse through the archives, even if you don't like US sports. It left me crying with laughter many times, a bad thing considering I was meant to be working at the time.

And now I enjoy following a blog by one of my lecturers at uni. 'The Plashing Vole' hasn't attacked Steve Phillips or Joe Morgan yet, but it can only be a matter of time.

Right, that's my first entry over with, and all I seem to have done is advertise other blogs, free of charge. Lovely. Now I just need to work out how to "spread the word" re. this waste of time, and get people to actually read it. One suspects that won't be achievable "free of charge".