Friday, 20 March 2009

Premier League Predictions

Last weekend, you may recall, I got 3 results right, with 1 perfect score.

Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 4 results right, with 1 perfect score.

Round one to Lawro. Let's duel again!

Portsmouth vs Everton - Everton are a strong team, and I worry about Pompey due to them not having a permanent manager. But they are a tough team to beat at home. 1-1

Blackburn vs West Ham - The Hammers have got a lot of players out, and Blackburn will be looking to bounce back from their battering at Arsenal. 1-0

Fulham vs United - The backlash from last weekend starts here. 0-3

Stoke vs Middlesbrough - Eurgh. This will be turgid, but a home win none the less. 2-0

Tottenham vs Chelsea - I really can't work out Tottenham, and I really can't work out this game. I think it will be close, but...1-2

West Brom vs Bolton - I hope the Baggies win it, and I think they will. 2-1

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Don't be shocked if Newcastle go down. Arshavin is just getting into a nice groove for Arsenal, and I fancy them to win this one comfortably. 0-2

Wigan vs Hull - Hull's slippery slope will make them keep on sliding. 2-0

Man City vs Sunderland - Surely a banker home win. Like their friends Newcastle, Sunderland are an interesting bet to go down. 2-0

Liverpool vs Aston Villa - Villa have croaked it re. 4th place, and will have to battle Everton for 5th. The Scousers have a good record at Anfailed, and they will add to it here. 1-0

Right, time for me to put my "pen" down for a few days again. I have "What Was Lost" to read before I meet the author on Monday morning, and also the new Wisden Cricketer mag to peruse at my leisure. So, to all my readers - from Middlesbrough to Cardiff, from Sheffield to Croydon, from Birmingham to London and many more - have a great weekend!

PS. I really enjoy Tony Cozier as a cricket commentator, both on Sky and TMS. But if he calls Stuart Broad "Chris Broad" one more time, I'll fly out to Guyana and slap him. He's done it three times in about 15 minutes so far today. His father hasn't played for 20 years!

Oh, Cock!

I was trying to think what James May would say in this situation, and "Oh, Cock!" is the best thing I could come up with.

So, last night I had everything planned out, as I like to try and do with my life. I would watch 'Question Time', followed swiftly by 'This Week in Politics'. I would then check the stat-porn for this waste of space/blog (hello to new readers in Atherton, Croydon and Sheffield, btw) then I could have a monumental sleep. Hell, I didn't need to be up early, my lecture wasn't until 2pm. Lecture 2-4, than I could avoid the train from hell by doing a bit of Mothering Sunday shopping in Wolvo, before catching the Aber. train at about 4:45 back home. Marvellous.
So, at about 1am, after also checking up on the NZ/India cricket, I made the short journey from my chair into bed.

I love sleeping, I'm not going to lie. Being a university bum also means I can get more of it, which is marvellous. So there I was, warm, comfortable, dreaming of Ana Ivanovic. Which is why getting rudely awoken at 7am wasn't my preference, to be honest. Anyway, to cut a long story short, (reading this back, I'm as bored as you are, seriously) my little brother, who I shall call "The Ginger Prince" had apparently been up all night being sick. It turns out that he won't be going into school, my father has "important meetings" (I always love that cop-out) until 3pm, and my mother is working from 9-4:30.

So, guess who's perfectly laid plans have now gone to ruin, and will have to sit with a sickly child and be brainwashed by CBeebies all day?

If you haven't read all that, here's a quick summary : I'm tired, and pissed off.

Thursday, 19 March 2009

This is just too good to forget about

Roy Walker = legend.

Lovin' You

It's utterly gorgeous outside, which is why once I've finished typing this nonsense I'll be sitting outside relaxing and reading a bit more "What Was Lost" (which is rather brilliant) before I have to whisk myself back off to Wolvo for a 2 hour lecture about sentences, or something. I dunno, all I know is that I'm missing my dinner for it, and that annoys me greatly.

Anyway, this is just a quickie (ooh, pardon!) to say that the new Street View facility on Google Earth might just be the greatest thing ever. I'm astonished by the awesomeness of it all.

Check it out! Manchester is particularly brilliant (hey, when is it not?)

In Memoriam

So. Farewell then Natasha Richardson

She who was married to Liam Neeson
I enjoyed her work in 'The Handmaids Tale'
Which did not co-star Brendan Gleason

E.J.Thribb 17 1/2

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Bits and Bobs, and a bit of Gallimaufry

Many thanks for the educated and informed comments left after my Jade Goody rant.

To Anonymous, thanks for agreeing, although I wish you had put "our recent lust".

To Merciless Public, agreed. And please keep on massaging my ego.

To vivelesteve, seriously, just give Brooker a knighthood already.

In other news, I have a reader from Middlesbrough! How exciting. Perhaps they were the person who found my blog by typing in "tim jade lovejoy" into Google. Anyway, welcome.

I'll leave the Jade situation now to it's natural and unfortunate end. But I can't have the last word, I'm not worthy. I'll leave the last word to someone who apparently posted this on a Jade facebook group:

"dont u think its weird the way jade gets cancer a year after takin da p*ss out of a multi millionaire paki, there av got to be ways of givin someone cancer and it cant be proved, dont forget, people in popadoms country was burning pictures of jade goody 1 year ago"

I knew it was that Shilpa all along!

A Serious, Non Snarky Post

In the early hours of March 5th, a silver BMW, driven by a 22 year old man, skidded off the A259 in Southwick, West Sussex and smashed into a concrete fence. The driver died the next day from his injuries, and at the time of writing, his girlfriend is critically ill in hospital and has not yet regained consciousness.

Rewind about 12 years, and there I am, standing near him, every Saturday morning, football training for our local side. I can still seem him now - he was a good little player, even with the Liverpool top on.

RIP James. I'm sorry I never spoke to you once I left Sussex. I'm sorry I never gave you a thought for the past decade, until I was told the news tonight. I'm sorry this had to happen to your family as well - your dad is a really good man. I don't know what I'll be doing at 2:30pm this Thursday, but I promise I'll be thinking about you.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Why So Serious?

Sorry for all the hatred and bile that has spurted from my 'pen' today. The irony of course being that it's March 17th, and it's "my day". So, to all of you, whether you live in Ireland or not, Happy St. Paddy's Day!

To celebrate, here's some fantabulous tunes to cheer me up and to make us all, and not just the people at Guinness, enjoy the day!

And finally this, because a) It has Ana Ivanovic in it, and b) it never fails to make me laugh:

Urge to upon me. Watch your backs, people

I've strayed away from this topic for so long. Friends have mischievously encouraged me to blog about it, and at times it's been tempting. Very tempting. Instead, though, I've let my rage and bile build up inside me, and hoped it would dissolve without anyone hearing/reading it, and instead I've blogged about a man proposing in a tea room, or something. But now, my friends, I cannot take it anymore. After reading this, I just cannot cope with all of this anymore:

'Fans of Jade Goody have travelled to her home in Upshire, Essex to show their support for the terminally ill reality TV star. Goody is said to be entering her final hours after she left hospital for home last week and is reportedly slipping in and out of consciousness, Metro reports.
One fan, Jade Cunningham-Cox, said: "I was just drawn to Jade's house. For her to be in such distress, I felt as a fan I should be closer to her. She is the new princess of the people and it's tragic her life is going to end this way".'

Have I wandered into a parallel universe? Where it's like Earth, but everybody else is fucking mental?

Look, I'm sorry that Jade is going to die. I'm sorry for her children, and even for her husband. I'll ignore the fact she's a vile, crude, ignorant, selfish, bigoted, racist idiot. I'll ignore the fact her husband is "dubious" to say the very, very least. It's a shame, okay?

But I cannot ignore this utterly pathetic outpouring of grief that a) the media and b) that c*nt Max Clifford has created, and sadly which Jade and her family have aided and abetted. Jade Goody does not deserve to be famous. She is not the first person to die, nor the first person to die of cancer. She is not, never has been, and never will be, "the princess of the people". I cannot actually explain how angry that one sentence has made me.

Just think about these things - The filming and broadcasting of her wedding on television. The paps desperately trying to get a photo of her at her christening. The big fuss about Shilpa Shetty coming over to see her. The interview with OK magazine. The constant rubbish from the tabloids. The constant "updates" on sites such as digitalspy. The seemingly nightly installment on your evening TV news.

And now contrast the woman, and those things, with this lady:

And it won't end when she passes away. Oh, no, forget about that. We'll have her funeral, and the week long reaction to that. Footage of that will probably be broadcast as well. People weeping outside the church. Flowers left at the gravesite. Then sporadic interviews, throughout the year. And I can just see it now, in December: "Jack Tweed: Our hell this Christmas without Jade".

This is a person dying, yet the media have turned it into a circus, almost like the old style "freak show". To be honest, I didn't expect anything else from Clifford. I'm just sad Jade agreed to it, instead of leaving the world in a noble and dignified way.

Urge to kill...rising

If Sally Bartholomew ever e-mails me again with something I a) have never been interested in, b) not interested in now and c) never will be interested in, I will quite happily poke her in the eye. If you don't go to Wolverhampton Uni, ignore that. And congratulations! You don't get cyber pestered by a woman called Sally.

In other news, Reggie Yates, in his blog, has just put this:

"So before I get pounced on by Beyonce stans, I must say Beyonce is the shit, she is quite amazingly beautiful, and I would happily give her the dick, obviously."

I would happily give him a thrashing* and tell him to grow up, to be honest.

*I am not condoning 'thrashing' black people, before anyone complains. Just Reggie Yates.

Monday, 16 March 2009

Premier League Predictions Revisited

Out of 10 games, I got 3 results right, with 1 perfect score.

Utterly awful, and you'll be pleased to know that a) I am ashamed and b) I'll try harder next time.

Let me tell you a story...

For those of you unfortunate enough not to get the Shropshire Star newspaper, I thought I would share with you the first few bits of a story that was on the front page over the weekend. The bits in bold are from the story, the bits not in bold are my own thoughts. Yes, I'm about to go "Fire Joe Morgan" on your asses, deal with it.

A 30-year-old Shropshire man whose girlfriend saved his life when she realised he was having a stroke because of a high-profile television campaign told her: “You have given me my life and I am giving you my heart.”

A beautiful tale, I'm sure you will agree. I myself have seen the F.A.S.T adverts - they are very good and clearly work, judging by this instance. And what a romantic thing for the guy to say! This is all-round splendid.

Owain Wyn-Jones asked Laraine Adams to marry him...

Ignore the rubbish names. The man is obviously very grateful, and has asked his girl to be his wife. Quite right too, as a) she saved his life and b) she's kinda cute! (see below) Camelia’s Tea Room in Shrewsbury


Owain Wyn-Jones asked Laraine Adams to marry him in Camelia’s Tea Room in Shrewsbury just days after he nearly died.

In a sodding tea room?! Jesus wept. I can only hope that this tea room is special to them, otherwise this is ridiculously lame. Put some effort into it man, jeez.

And before you ask, yes, I have already decided where I will propose to the future Mrs Ewarwoowar (if there ever is one, it's doubtful). It would be quiet, romantic, peaceful and absolutely fucking freezing.