Saturday, 1 August 2009

Congratulations everyone!

Because we've hit the motherload.

You might remember my attack on J Wendy Slark's letter to my local paper a few days ago. Well, since then old Slarkie has been a bit quiet. Everyday when the Sloppy Star lands on the doormat, I excitedly scoop it up and flick through the letter pages, franctically scanning to see her name at the bottom of a letter. But, no. Nothing. Nil. Zilch. Nada.

It was no different today, however whilst eating my dinner I thought I'd have a look through the letters anyway. And would you believe it - I stumbled upon pure gold. It's not Slarkie, but it is E Mill from Hadley! Their letter will be in bold, my response in this normal font:

The BNP bashers are getting their knickers in a twist.

Not really. I think people are just disappointed that a bunch of racist, thuggish nutters have gained a bit of power in some areas.

People vote for the BNP because the three left-wing parties in the House of Commons have betrayed the white working class.

Oh-oh, warning sign. I will gladly accept that some people have voted BNP recently, not because they are male skinheads associated with the NF, but because they are angry and disillusioned with the Government, and don't like the mainstream alternatives. I understand that - that's why I voted for the Greens at the local election. But the warning sign here is the phrase "white working class". With all due respect, fuck off. Why isn't a hard-working black man "working class", and why do you not mention them? Same for the English people who are of Asian descent. Since when has there been solely white people in this country, and since when has the Government only been accountable to them?

This Marxist Government is setting up a police state, and has murdered thousands of people in two wars.

That is breathtaking. I've heard this Government called many, many things, but Marxist is certainly not one of them. I think The Plashing Vole is a pathetic Marxist, yet he hates this Government. Isn't the problem with New Labour that Blair dumped their socialism and moved the party to the right? The abolition of Clause IV? Kinnock railing against Militant tendancy? Isn't this why boring old farts like Arthur Scargill still get wheeled out every election under the guise of "Proper Labour" or something? And as for the last bit...I'm not going to go into the whole Iraq and Afghanistan thing. Not now, not here, probably not ever. I just want to say that I'm not sure how the two things are related. Just sayin'.

The red fascists are the loony left.

Who here remembers the 1999 European Cup Final, when my football club scored 2 goals in the space of 2 minutes right at the death to come from behind and win the game 2-1? Whenever I tell people that I got more excited about Sheringham's equaliser than Solskjaer's winner, they look at me in bemusement and say "why?"

I'll tell you why. Sheringham's goal was a culmination of 90 minutes thinking/pleading with God "We need a goal, we need a fucking goal, come on". When that goal went in, it was the like the world had been lifted from my shoulders, and I could take a quick breather before extra-time. But when Solskjaer scored a minute later, there was a split-second where I just could not believe what I was seeing. It was a moment of utter-dumbfoundedness. The fog-of-war had settled in. The synapses of my brain stopped working. It was magical, of course, but it was also confusing. Instead of celebrating, I just sat there and thought "What?!"

I mention that, not only because I like thinking about it, but because I felt the same earlier tonight, when reading that sentence. You've probably forgotten it by now, so let's have it again:

The red fascists are the loony left.

The red fascists are the loony left. I just....words....brain....I can't.....oesfjrhgatiohaatbnobnhgt.

Sorry, that was my head hitting the keyboard. Can you just give me a moment please?

So, a BNP supporter is saying that the Government is "red", whatever that means. That they're fascist. That they are loony (I'll give them that one). And that they're lefties. I suppose 1 out of 4 isn't too bad. The irony of a BNP supporter calling someone fascist is hopefully not lost on you, either. How much more of this shit is there? Hmm, not that much. Let's keep on going.

This shower of Labour misfits is the worst government we have ever had.

I'm not a New Labour fan, far from it. But that sentence is absurd, mainly because unless you've been around for, like, forever, how can you judge Prime Ministers and their Governments throughout the history of this country? Are you absolutely certain that this Government is worse than The Earl of Derby's in 1852? Really, genuinely, 100% certain?

The left-wing thugs


know people will never vote for them - they hate our country, while the BNP stands up for us.

There comes a time in an argument when you know the other person is wrong, yet you run out of bullets. All you can do is sigh, clean your nails and silently understand that you are right, and the other person is an idiot. I feel like this right now - correcting all the shit in that sentence would take me ages. And I'm tired. And it's a Saturday night. And why am I sitting here getting angry at a moron who wrote a letter into a shitty paper when it's a Saturday night and I am single and 22 fucking years old. Perhaps this is how they will beat us. They will just wear us down with their bullshit, and at the end, Nick Griffin will stand triumphant over our sagging and limp bodies, our resistance shot. It would be like the racist version of the Fabian society (there's a joke for the A-Level politics students). I don't have the energy for this anymore, make it stop.

I say to all you writers,

(wearily) Yes?

start fighting the real fascists, the loony left.

End of letter. Not only have you angered me, E Mill from Hadley, you have saddened me, and ultimately confused me. Come back Slarkie - at least you were intelligent and misinformed, rather than this cretin who is just misinformed. Oh, how I yearn for the Slark!

All comments welcome, even you, the man from Grimsby who will no doubt A) read this and B) publish this on his BNP twitter feed for all his fellow racists. If you want to leave comments guys, play nicely - it would look better for you if we have a sensible discussion, right?

Friday, 31 July 2009


Is this hilarious or terrifying?

Thursday, 30 July 2009

I'm blogging because I'm bored...

...which is always a recipe for disaster.

Anyway, I want to give some props to Merciless Public (start blogging again, immediately!) for directing me to this band last night.

Apparently there's 30 of them, which I find hilarious. I've never wanted to be part of a band before, but I would jump to be the 31st member of this mob.

So, yeah, that's it. Let's dance!

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Tidy up! Put away! Ready for...another day!

Every so often I have a good spring clean of my internet. History deleted, temporary internet files wiped away (just to cover my pornography tracks), bookmarks organised, bookmarks deleted. I seem to have accumulated so much crap after seeing something and thinking "ooh, that could go on my blog" or "I could blog about that" and then I promptly forget about it. So, whilst decluttering, here's just a few random things I've seen, saved, and thought you might like:

Remember that post I did about idiots on Facebook? Since doing that, I've discovered who do it much better than I ever could.

Two great sporting stories for you here: and also Many congrats to Jim Rice for his Baseball HoF place he was awarded this year.

I demand you follow this blog immediately. Oh, and this one.

This brings me close to tears. This made me laugh. This makes me feel sick. (This one is rudey-pudey and NWS, be careful!)

And finally, I've been meaning to use this picture for ages, and ages, and ages, and ages. Massive thanks to Shaun for letting me post it on here. Respect your liver, folks!

Monday, 27 July 2009

Commence the waterworks!

I've just finished reading an interesting thread on a forum about scenes in TV programmes that make you feel sad/down/reflective/just generally had an impact on you in a non-funny way. Based on the weight of opinion, the clear winner was the ending of Blackadder Goes Forth. Yes, of course, but that's a bit too obvious. The other popular ones seem to be from Scrubs, but I just can't get on with that programme, I've never warmed to it.

So, what would I choose? Well, I've a couple of choices. The first is, in my opinion, an incredible scene for a TV programme that was so awfully lame. You know the theme tune to this, you know it was never funny, you know it was American trash. But this scene is powerful, and I think convinced people that Will Smith was more than just a comedic actor in a poor teen sitcom. Will's father, who he hasn't seen for 14 years, has once again let him down:

Next up is this, from September 20th, 2001. I'm not a fan of Jon Stewart, at all, but there's no acting here. The hurt and the pain of the days previous are all too apparent. This video is powerful even now, I think. It's the first 9 minutes of this video, and it's well worth it.


Finally, my main choice would have to be this. A fantastic end to a fantastic series. Apologies, this video is 10 minutes long, but worth watching to the end. The moment when Dawn walks back in was a bit predictable, but is handled brilliantly and becomes the stand-out memory from that final episode.

So, those would be my 3 choices, with the final few minutes of The Office being the stand-out one. But what TV scenes made a lasting impression on you, dear reader? Anything sad, reflective or gloomy welcome!

These boots were made for walking...

...but my trainers aren't. After a 7 mile trudge through a load of mud this afternoon, my white trainers are now brown and the soles are pretty worn down. Shame, because they are so damn comfortable. If you're looking for a comfort pair of trainers, I recommend Puma. However I do need others when out in the countryside walking, so if you're thinking of buying me a birthday present (December) some proper walking shoes will do just fine. Or the complete collection of Calvin and Hobbes, I ain't fussed.

I'm afraid I took some more photos whilst out and about, so let's see what we have here:

1) The majesty of The Wrekin. The transmitter at the top reminds me of the old power station at the top of Mount Ventoux in France. At night-time the top of it flashes red, I believe that was put into place after a plane flew into The Wrekin one night.

2) For such a beautiful place, Ironbridge has some eye-sores, these cooling towers being a good example. Still, if you've never been, it's a great day out, and the various museums they have there are fantastic.

3) Doh! A deer! This is the 2nd time I've been fortunate enough to catch a deer on camera before it legged it. I didn't manage to get an image of the mother deer and her other young un's (I saw three) but this one was clearly not as attentive and lingered just long enough for me to snap it. It always saddens me how much I enjoy eating venison.

4) The side of The Wrekin. When I walk up there, that bit is normally where I eat my lunch.

5) Baaaaaaaaa!

I'm completely cream-crackered now, but I'm hoping to launch another blog entry your way some time tonight. You'll need to leave your dignity at the door, and have your thinking cap on...more later!