But let's not worry about "registering" just yet. Oh no, we have to actually choose them first.
"What's the problem Ewar? Just choose the modules you want to do, easy!" I hear you cry. But no, that would be too fucking simple wouldn't it? I'm doing a joint degree of Creative Writing and English. Instead of just picking what I want to do, I have to pick modules from Lists A, B and C for each. No-one has ever explained why this is. Than you have to pick "electives" which seems to be "a few other weird things, and a choice of anything else you haven't already picked".
This splendid List system means that in some cases I've had to pick modules I don't paticularly want to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure 'Vietnam in the US' is all rather splendid and interesting, but it has zero fucking relevance to either one of my courses. 'Popular Texts' I'm sure is marvellous, but 6-9pm is a bugger for me being able to get home. Never mind Ewar, you HAVE to do it, because it's the only option on List C that is available, as the others clash don't they? Good this, isn't it?
So, I've tentatively chosen a few modules, bearing in mind there's an equal balance between Semester 1 and Semester 2, and that they don't clash. Shall we check them out fully, see what they're all about? Yes, lets! So onto the university website we go. Oh, hang on? Were you expecting a module guide, to tell you what the module is all about? No, you see, we don't have those, anywhere. No, don't panic Ewar, the module guides are on WOLF...except that WOLF is seemingly stuck in last year and for a few modules the module guides are simply not there. Hmph. How about the course guides then?
Let's load up the English course guide...oh, and it's all for 1st year students. There is one page for 2nd year modules, which is the list once again telling us what options we can pick. Any information about these modules? Nah! Why would we, eh?
And now onto Pebblepad...actually, no, let's not even go there.
And now the timetable tells me that one of the modules I want to do does not start in Week 4 like everything else, but Week 6. Is that right? Or is that wrong? Let's e-mail the module leader and find out! I load up my university e-mail, and there's an e-mail from someone with a surname of Egginton (surely not a real surname) about module guides. Rather than selecting "multiple recipients" this pillock has listed every single name she's sent the e-mail to, so to get to the actual e-mail I have to scroll down about three thousand fucking million names. I finally get to the bottom, and there is no text, just an attachment:
"winmail.dat"? That sounds a bit dubious. Voley, do you know this Egginton character? Is that attachment safe to open? If it is, marvellous, I'm presuming that holds all the module guides.
I've calmed down. Let's register my modules, despite not knowing a great deal about them, or when one of them actually starts! But hang on...how do I actually do that? I enlist the help of Merciless Public, who directs me to where I need to go - deep in the heart of e:vision, and certainly not easily accessible if you didn't know where it was.
I'm going to stop there, because this is actually making me tired. But it was fun to get all of that bile off my chest. And do you know the worst thing of all? The really fucking worst thing? I have to re-take a Level 1 module, because I disliked the lecturer of one module I failed, so I gave up on it. I won't be re-doing that module again, so it looks like the only module available to me is...is...is...poetry.
I'm off to shove a load of "happy pills" down my throat.