Premier League Predictions

Last week, Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got a superb 7 results right, with 4 perfect scores. Unbeatable, that. Ewarwoowar got 5 results right, with 1 perfect score. It's a massacre, and my faint hope for an overall draw has been dashed. I think that's 6-3 Lawro, so we come to the final weekend of the season much like Manchester United - not bothered, half-hearted, and looking forward to future pursuits instead. Let's go for it!

Arsenal vs Stoke - I feel I should say something nice about Stoke. So, through gitted teeth, well done to them for staying up, they proved me wrong. The great news is, they're going down next season! 3-0

Aston Villa vs Newcastle - Tricky one this. Villa are on their holidays, but in terms of quality they are light years ahead of the Toon. Bassong is suspended, that will be a big loss. Newcastle to be relegated. 2-0

Blackburn vs West Brom - I'm sorry to see the back of WBA. Not only were they an easy 6 points for United every season, but at least they embrace how football should be played, and were easy on the eye. Sadly, you can't defend like they have been doing in the Premier League. 2-1

Fulham vs Everton - Two manager of the year candidates here. Fulham have been the surprise package this year, even though their home form has always been good for the past few seasons. 1-1

Hull vs Man Utd - For the first time in a long, long time, I really don't care. All I can think about is next Wednesday evening. Hull to benefit from the side Fergie puts out. 2-0

Liverpool vs Tottenham - Nothing on this one. 3-0

Man City vs Bolton - Read a great quote about Mark Hughes the other day: "Very nice, polite man, but he looked tired and is clearly a distressed soul currently". Not easy for Sparky, feel sorry for him - I think he's gone at the end of the season, as City go after The Special One. 2-0

Sunderland vs Chelsea - Mackems still aren't safe, so they will be busting a gut here in front of their home fans. They might just eke out a draw. 1-1

West Ham vs Middlesbrough - Boro are shit, good riddance. Shit team, shit manager, shit fans, satisfactory stadium. They've taken far too many points off us down the years, and I won't miss them. 2-0

Wigan vs Portsmouth - Nothing on this one, except it will be Valencia's last game for Wigan (you heard it here 1,956th). 1-1

Phew, what a season, and ultimately a good one - the right team won. Here's to Number 19. Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson was talking to BBC Sport's Nabil Hassan. Ewarwoowar is talking to Merciless Public on MSN.

The Moussam Bardi Memorial Trophy

Head on over to Merciless Public for his take on this. Named after the late, great Moroccan quizster, The Moussam Bardi Memorial Trophy is a quiz currently being keenly contested between myself and Merciless. As I'm a genius, and better than Merciless, I'm 4-1 up at the moment, and need just 2 more games to win the 1st set. Yes, the scoring is based on tennis. I just hope there are no tie-breaks, I couldn't handle the pressure.

However, it did lead to this outstanding passage of conversation on MSN last night:

Ewar: "Perhaps we could get Moussam's widow to come over here and present the winner with the trophy."

Merciless: "Ooh...is she fit?!"

Ewar: "Well, I was thinking of asking Cash to dress up in womens clothing and doing it, so.....yes."

I'll keep you updated on my imminent victory. Coming up tomorrow, on this here blog, the final Premier League Predictions of the season, and "Later with Jools Holland" live-blogging!

Absent Friends

I'd like to start this blog post with a video, if I may: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooylQfcbRhI

Hope you enjoyed that, Sir Mitchell of Cashmore. Yes, FINALLY! EWARWOOWAR HAS COME BACK TO HIS BLOG!

Apologies for not being able to "live-blog" on Friday night, but I think you'll agree that Merciless Public did a far better job than I ever could. He didn't praise Annie Lennox, but I'll let that slide. Many thanks for the outstanding effort, Merciless! As tribute to your effort, have this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO8FZJ_UIn4&feature=PlayList&p=D3FDDC5222D3CC1A&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=27

Wow, I love "in-jokes". Also, many thanks also to all of you who voted in the poll to find the picture that will (hopefully) be gracing the top of my blog before too long. I'll put it up very soon.

I've been absent for the last few days - to be honest no subject really caught my eye enough to blog about it. Besides, Voley was off at Butlins or something, and the Cynical one is on holiday.

But just now I read an interesting blog, from long-term pal Alex C. He wrote it yesterday, (so the fact it's just popped up on my Reading List tells me that the RL is fucked) but the topic was:

'You are giving the keynote address to the graduating seniors of a high school. What's your advice to them?

I would answer that by stealing someone else's thoughts, surprise surprise. Whether you love this or hate this, I think everyone should read/listen to it at least once in their lifetime:

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/baz_luhrmann/everybodys_free_to_wear_sunscreen.html

I particularly love the bit about NYC/Northern California. But that question got me thinking about something awfully similar - what would I say to the younger version of myself, say, me exactly 10 years ago?

Well, Ewarwoowar Jnr. (aged 12 1/2) : 

1. You've already met your best friend. I think you've just had an argument with him over something stupid in History class, but don't worry, you'll be fine.
   
2. Bear this quote in mind - "You can't trust someone until you trust someone". The trust-worthy people become apparent very quickly.
3. I won't lie to you - you're about to fall in love/be completely obsessed with a girl. This will at times be great, at times be awful, but overall will be a good learning experience. Amusingly, the whole ordeal will turn out to be completely pointless (you'll never guess how the story ends!!!!) but you need to go through it. All those thoughts about her being "The One" - they are wrong, I'm afraid. But that's not a bad thing.
4. You really need to start listening to Lloyd Cole and The Commotions, even though you won't appreciate him fully to begin with. Stick with it though. Same for The Smiths - your friend was right all along.
5. In 6 days time, May 26th 1999, something awfully special will happen. Enjoy it, it doesn't happen often. And you'll love the equaliser more than the winner, for some odd reason I haven't quite worked out yet. Always keep the faith. And in the dark-ish days, never, ever, doubt The Boss. He knows what's he doing, honest.
6. Some teachers will just not like you. It happens, I'm afraid, and nothing you can say/do will change them. The good news is, the majority are fine.
7. Don't be worried abouts sports days - you'll always find a way to wiggle out of them.
8. Start taking an interest in baseball! Yes, you only know 1 team, and they are winning everything at the moment. But that will soon change, trust me. Check out those Cubs over in Chicago if you want an interesting team to follow.
9. Something ridiculously insane will happen in 2003. It will take time to get your head around it, but it will make you grow up awfully quickly. Six years on, he's doing fine. Apart from when he's beating you up with a plastic axe.
10. Finally, in a few years time you'll think it will be cool to act aloof and be a loner. It's not. No matter what you say or do, appreciate that 6th form will be the greatest days of your life. Oh yes, you'll get to 6th form, don't worry about those exam results. All that work to establish a good reputation will be rewarded.

Blimey, all that has made me contemplative. Join me in 10 years time, when I'll be telling my 22 year old self stuff like "You really shouldn't have married her".