Premier League Predictions

Not in the best of moods, so let's just do this shit. Last time out, Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 4 results right, with 0 perfect scores. Mr Ewar Woowar got 4 results right, with 1 perfect score!

I'm claiming that as a win, making it Lawro 3-2 Ewarwoowar. Not many rounds to go, so let's go round again...

Bolton vs Aston Villa - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. Bolton are probably safe, Villa are Europa League. 1-1

Everton vs Man City - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. Everton have got the Cup Final to look forward to. City have got a new manager to find. 2-0

Fulham vs Stoke - Everytime I've criticised Stoke, they've gone and pulled out a result and the Plashing Vole has laughed at me. So I won't criticise this time, but they will still lose. 1-0

Hull vs Liverpool - Still wouldn't surprise me if Hull went down, and they are on the slippery slope. Scousers too good here. 1-3

West Brom vs Sunderland - Massive game for the Mackems. A point here could be vital come the end of the season, and I fancy them to get it. 1-1

West Ham vs Chelsea - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. I'm sure the Upton Park faithful will enjoy booing Fat Frank, but he'll have the last laugh. 0-2

Man United vs Tottenham - This won't be easy, Spurs are playing with freedom at the moment and are on a good run. We're at home, so, hmm. 1-1

Arsenal vs Middlesbrough - There is literally no chance of Boro winning this game. None. And they're going down. 3-0

Blackburn vs Wigan - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. Local derby, might get a bit physical, but, meh. 1-1

Newcastle vs Portsmouth - It's going to be nervy, but I fancy the Geordies to roar their team to a victory here. 2-0

Mark Lawrenson was talking to BBC Sport's Mandeep Sanghera. Ewarwoowar was talking to nobody. Have a nice weekend, everyone, and I'll see you all back here on Monday.

FHM Top 10 2009

To all my female readers - apologies for this post. You'd be better off scrolling down a bit and watching the video excerpt from Mad Men, it's awfully awfully!

I've only ever bought FHM once in my life, and that was when they had a big feature on Ana Ivanovic (which wasn't that good, anyway). I have read it a few times over the years though, and I can't help thinking that it gets more cretinous by the day. These feelings have been confirmed this morning, when their Top 100 sexiest women list was unveiled. Want to have a look at the Top 10?

1) Cheryl Cole - Not even the best one in Girls Aloud for chrissakes.

2) Megan Fox - Most overrated woman ever? Yes.

3) Jessica Alba - Fair enough, but out of these 10 she should be 1.

4) Britney Spears - What?!

5) Keeley Hazell - Nah.

6) Adriana Lima - Not my favourite, but she's an okay shout.

7) Elisha Cuthbert - Yes, yes, and yes. Should be higher.

8) Kristin Kreuk - Hmm, go on then.

9) Anna Friel - Wow. Have I gone back to 1997?

10) Freida Pinto - Pretty girl, but good enough to be on this list?

What an absolute clusterfuck this list is. I can only conclude that FHM voters = morons. 

By the way, voters: Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz, Kelly Brook, Kristen Bell, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, Melissa Theuriau, Ana Ivanovic, Anna Kournikova, Monica Bellucci, Keira Knightley, Kimberley Walsh, Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Maggie Gyllenhaal,  Allison Stokke, Kate Winslet, Helena Christensen, Kylie Minogue, Alyson Hannigan, Holly Valance, Rachel Stevens, Alessandra Ambrosio, Laura Esposto, Kaley Cuoco, Anne Hathaway, Beyonce, Shakira, Christina Hendricks, Nicole Sherzinger, Kate Beckinsale, Rihanna, Isla Fisher, Kirsty Gallacher, Zooey Deschanel, Cameron Diaz, Alysso Milano, Eliza Dushku, Heidi Klum, Alina Vacariu, Jennifer Connelly, Katie Holmes, Kirsten Dunst, Rachel Blanchard, Myleene Klass and Noemie Lenoir all say hello.

EDIT - It turns out Ana Woowar nee Ivanovic was 11th. Not good enough. And Mila Kunis wasn't even in the top 100! I give up.

The Carousel

Recently I've been encouraging as many people as I possibly can to buy the first series of Mad Men on DVD, so that they too can enjoy a fantastic TV show which does not get the praise or the viewers it deserves over here. To encourage anyone who hasn't seen the show before, and would like to give it a go, here's a peek at my favourite scene from Season 1. Turn the volume up, put it in full screen, and enjoy.

(I'm not sure too much background info is needed, but if you want it: Don and a select few from Stirling Cooper are in a meeting with the people at Kodak, pitching to them how they can sell their new slide projector. Don initially thinks it should be called The Wheel, but then has a different idea...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suRDUFpsHus&feature=related

If it wasn't for the continuity error that I always notice between 3:08-3:10 (look at Harry closely) than this would be utter perfection. Now go and buy the DVD, for Don Draper's sake.

You don't know what I have to put up with...

Those of you lucky enough to know me away from the mad internet world of Ewarwoowar will perhaps know that a) I have a little brother, b) he is ginger and c) no matter how much love and affection I try to give him, he is a tyrant and wrecks havoc wherever he roams. Not bad for a 5 year old.

Today's mischief can be found in this picture below. Particularly infuriating in that I left that piece of paper, and the multi-coloured pen, for about 1 minute only, I swear. I literally only went to get a glass of water, came back, and the deed had been done. The little shit.

The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice that is the start of my notes for a Literature reading quiz, and that is the section for the Tennyson bollocks "The Lady of Shalott". Bad enough doing it at A-Level. The even more eagle-eyed amongst you will notice the colloquial language I use for notes like this. In this particular section, "Sir Lancelot pitches up" is my favourite bit, a phrase nicked from radio presenter Ian Collins.

Anyway, thought that would amuse you bastards. I'm off to cuddle my brother, before inflicting upon him a Ric Flair-esque Figure 4 Leglock. Woooooooooooooooo!

This is just too good to forget about, Part 4

The question is though, which one is the best?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2IZwOOGGrU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiI5-c6GNz8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4aPONIJZfo&feature=related

Major Boothroyd

I read an interesting blog entry about queuing the other day which was quite thought-provoking. In the past year or so I've found myself getting annoyed standing in queues, even though I've always considered myself a patient person. This might just be me getting grumpier as I get older, or it may be a reflection on the society we live in currently.

Take Sky Sports News for example, a TV channel I watch often, mainly because the women on it are outstanding (yes, I'm shallow, deal with it). With this channel, and others like it, news is instant. To watch it, the viewer demands information, right then, right now, and when we get bored with that news, we need something else! Doesn't matter what - anything! It's got to the stage with that channel that if a Luton Town reserve player signed a contract extension it would probably be the yellow scrolling "Breaking News" bar along the bottom of the screen. We, the viewer, seem to crave an instant fix, regardless of how boring and insignificant it is.

It's the same for me, right now, sitting at my laptop. Once I finish typing this (which will be a while, as I'm rambling) I will have open: My Blogger dashboard, TweetDeck, MSN Messenger, Gmail, Facebook, and my Uni email. (and in a few hours time I'll have the baseball on, at which point my computer will explode) The reason for all this is that I'm a victim of this "instant society" - if I get an email, I want to read it straight away. If someone comments on this blog entry, I want to read the comment straight away. Tim Lovejoy's tweeted?! I want to read it, NOW! Instant! Instant! Instant!

I'm starting to think this is what makes me irritable and frustrated when I'm standing in the queue in Greggs and the lady in front of me is dithering (great word), and all I want to do is pay for my greasy lunchtime snack and exit ASAP. Society nowadays doesn't seem to want to wait, for anything, even for a second. I've become a victim of that, and it saddens me.

No Words

I have nothing to say about the football yesterday, although I have sufficiently calmed from the manic frenzy I was in immediately after the match. Thanks to Demented Demon for at least trying to calm me.

This might be a novel approach for a blog entry, but I'm not going to use any words to summise Dimitar Berbatov. I am simply going to put up a picture, and let you, my dear reader, fill in the blank.