If I get the time, and my trusty associate Dan is on MSN, I'll also be relaying some tweets from people about the debate. If you're reading this, you too can join in the fun! Tweet me at @ewarwoowar86 with something funny/interesting about the debate and I'll endeavour to put it up on here. Shit man, we're going interactive!
19:54 Now that I've introduced myself, it's time to introduce the protagonists.
In the RED corner - Our Supreme Leader, Gordon Brown. The hard man from Scotland, Gordon is looking to preserve his place as Prime Minister. To do so, you can't help thinking he'll need a good night tonight. You also can't help thinking that's unlikely.
In the BLUE corner - David "Dave" Cameron. The man who your Granny would see on the TV and say "Oooh, isn't he a nice man?" - David is the leader of the Conservatives, as well as being married to the towering monolith that is "SamCam". He is the bookies favourite to not only "win" this debate, but also to win the election.
In the YELLOW(?) corner - Nick Clegg. He is a Liberal Democrat. They elected him as their leader, as Vince Cable was too busy being a National Treasure. Clegg is in a good position tonight, as at least 3m people will turn on to watch the debate, turn to their partner and say "Who's he then?!" and at the very least get some exposure.
Moderating - Alastair Stewart. He would like to be known as being a presenter on News at 10. I know him as the guy who was sacked from the splendid "Police! Camera! Action!" show, for drink-driving.
20:06 20 minutes to go, and I imagine that the contenders are feeling pretty nervous right now. Hell, I'm nervous for them. Hey, did anyone see the look our Dark Lord Mandelson gave Nick Robinson today when he asked Brown a slightly amusing question? It was splendid.
20:10 The odds from William Hill in terms of the public's winner:
David Cameron - 5/6
Nick Clegg - 15/8
Gordon Brown - 7/2
20:13 Okay, the debate is 17 minutes away. I'm just going to take a brief time-out, and get some snacks and drinks ready, as this promises to be an exhilarating night.
Oh, by the way - if you're expecting heavyweight politics from me tonight, forget that right now. The very nature of live-blogging means that I'm strapped for time, so I tend to rush out any old nonsense, and I'm certainly not into politics the way others are. Let me put it this way - I'm essentially trying to make this whole thing seem vaguely humorous. It won't be easy, but stay with me.
20:20 A packet of Wotsits and a can of Coke. I know you were wondering.
20:30 Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god!
20:32 We're starting late. Boooooo.
20:33 Alastair Stewart's tie is fucking atrocious.
20:35 How interesting, we're starting with "opening statements" which I wasn't expecting. Clegg = good. Brown = rambling about the economy. Cameron = "we're in this together" blah blah.
20:37 It's Gerard Oliver, a retired toxicologist!
20:40 David Cameron wants to lower immigration? Easy - get rid of those Gurkhas!
(joke)
20:42 "I keep on waiting for Henry Kelly to run out and shout 'Who Am I?'" - Emma Kennedy, @EmmaK67.
That's a reference to the fact that the set looks a bit...err.....dated.
20:48 I'm liking David Cameron addressing the person asking the question by their name. Yes, I'm impressed by the little things.
20:52 Blimey.
20:55 Interesting tie situation - Gordon Brown has plumped for a pink tie, and not a red one. A desperate attempt at the gay vote?
20:56 BROWN THROWS IN A COMMENT ABOUT LORD ASHCROFT! Boom, headshot.
20:58 Goodness, Alastair Stewart is dreadful. Now, next question...it's Helen Ellwood who runs a pub!
21:02 I think Cameron is on the ropes here, you know! Not really helped by his earlier comment of "I met a black man a few days ago".
21:06 Alastair Stewart is absolutely woeful. "MR CLEGG! MR CLEGG!" hollering like a teacher who has lost his class. Dreadful.
21:08 NICK CLEGG LAYING THE SMACKDOWN ABOUT MPs EXPENSES!
21:09 Stewart apologises for making a mistake. I cannot stress just how bad he is.
21:09 WE HAVE A JEW! We have a Jew asking a question!
21:15 Nick Clegg is winning this, y'know! Sorry I can't go deeper than that currently, but he is, trust me.
21:16 Betting in running:
David Cameron - 4/5
Nick Clegg - 13/8
Gordon Brown - 9/2
21:23 "The economy question. We're right at the heart of this election. This is the serious bit. Then we see the candidates in swimwear." - Armando Iannucci, @Alannucci.
21:29 David Cameron is splendid at talking a lot, and saying nothing.
21:33 "After some consideration, I think ITV should have stuck with the original Paddy McGuinness/Take Me Out format for this." - Nat Coombs, @NatCoombs.
21:36 Make no mistake - Tony Blair would have shat on all of these tonight. Not literally.
21:41 David Cameron's notes.
21:44 ITV Poll:
Clegg 51%
Brown 31%
Cameron 18%
I completely agree, Clegg is winning this.
21:45 "Apparently Cameron met a black man. You'll pardon me for not considering that a coherent immigration policy." - Ben Judge, @benjaminjudge.
21:51 Last 10 minutes. I'll be honest, this has been a real trudge - no advert breaks, 90 minutes solid of debating. Well, not debating, more trotting out some party rhetoric and then throwing in an anecdote about someone they've met out and about on the campaign trail.
21:52 WE HAVE A TRAIN DRIVER FROM ACCRINGTON!
21:56 Final few minutes. It's been emotional, folks. Hang on....this is only Debate 1 out of 3?! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
22:00 Oooh, closing statements!
22:04 You know who we need to end this debate? Yes, that's correct.
22:06 In the words of wrestling commentator Jim "JR" Ross - "Bah Gawd, it's over!" A slightly eggy moment at the end there where Brown went to shake hands with audience members, where Clegg and Cameron just stood on the platform like lemons.
22:17 I'm not going to lie - that has left me absolutely shattered. Good luck to whoever wishes to live-blog the other two debates, because it won't be me, that's for sure.
Thanks for all the readers who have read along with me tonight, and the comments so far. God speed to you all - I'm off to bed.
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