Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Forgive me Father...

This post is half going to be an honest, trite confession, and half a shameless advertisement. That's how I roll, bitches.

One night, whilst chatting to Merciless Public, we had a conversation that went a bit like this:

MP - "You remember that culture thing that Voley was talking about setting up? He seems to have forgotten about it, doesn't he?"

EW - "Mmmhmm"

MP - "Well, why don't we...

EW - "No."

MP - "Seriously, why not? Fuck the whole culture thing, just do films. Like, an online film review thing - we can advertise on Facebook, get people signed up, get it going, maybe then get Vole and his intelligencia to join up, it would be great! We both love films, and talking about them, let's do it! We both share a love for pipedreams, after all."

I couldn't resist that, and an hour later we were the joint-owners of a film reviewing blog, named after a quirky little scene in a film we both love. It wasnt the most professional thing you've ever seen, but we didn't care. It was ours, and we were confident we could get it up and running, get a good debate going, our own little sanctuary away from the humdrum of our normal blogs.

Twenty-four hours later we were still planning the best course of action when my "Tweetdeck" buzzed at me - '1 All Friends'. It was Cynical Ben, and he was advertising something called "The Culture Cheese and Pineapple". My blood ran cold as I clicked on the link., surely not. Oh My God, it was. Vole and Ben had not forgotten "the culture thing", they had in fact been secretly been working on it. A bit later, Ben announced just as much on his blog. Their unveiling night, if you will.

Ever been kicked in the balls, or punched in the stomach? The Culture Cheese had come along, in all of it's good-looking, professional, cultured and stylish glory, and had pretty much squashed our effort before it had even got off the ground.

I won't lie to you, dear reader, we were both deflated. It's hard enough for Merciless Public as it is, living in West Bromwich. I closed my door. Closed my curtains. Put some Dido on. Sniffed some marker pens. Watched some Japanese pornography. Depression had set in. My friend Tim emailed me, enthusing about the site and ready to go. "It's off, Timmeh. Sorry." I tearfully wrote back. Even the legendary BOD fell into a depression after hearing the news, and could only reflect his sorrow to the outside world by updating his Facebook status every five fucking minutes.

Weeks passed. "Are you going to join Culture Cheese dude?" Merciless asked me, many times. "Fuck them" I thought. "Fuck them right off". But time is the ultimate healer, and I began to loosen my stance. I opened my bedroom door. I smiled and embraced the sun. I put on The Beach Boys. I kept on watching Japanese pornography. And then we found a new pipedream.

Merciless Public and I have set up a Fantasy Football league. It's hosted on, and it's free entry. We still have a few places left for our private league, so if you are interested in joining up, give either of us a bell (we're easily contactable). At the moment we have 6 teams, and Vole + Cynical Ben have said that they are both interested in signing up when they get a free moment.

That's very kind of them, and after hours of discussion with Merciless, we realised we had been a bit silly, rejecting The Culture Cheese. Put simply, it's a fantastic idea, the site looks fantastic, and we have both signed up. If you have an interest in things, which I'm sure you do, and you are prepared to write and share your opinion about them, go and sign up. I think Vole will agree - the more the merrier, and hopefully we'll get many different opinions on things. It should be interesting, and I for one am excited for it's August launch.

I already have my first suggestion lined up for The Culture Cheese. It's a challenging, thought provoking, intense and magnificent film, but I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what everyone else makes of "Japanese horny schoolgirls Volume 3 XXXXX Rated!"


  1. You're too kind - and this post is rather brilliantly written.
    Volume 4 is much better, by the way.

  2. I was most charmed by Volume Six: Chicks With Sticks meet the New York Knicks but I guess if we all agreed on these things there would be no need for 'the pineapple'.