Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Oh God, He's Back

Remember our old friend Alwyn Cox from Oswestry? He's back, kids, and he's even grumpier than usual. Whilst this latest letter into the Sloppy Star isn't particularly interesting, it's made me laugh enough to blog about it. Cynical Ben - fear not! I have not forgotten the straw hats blog. Oh no! But let's have a look at this letter first:

Dear council employees, if any of you find it necessary to contact me by telephone again do not have the temerity to hide behind a withheld number.

Useful letter this. Thanks for writing this in to the local newspaper, and not the council themselves.

If you need to withhold your number for whatever self important reason you have given yourself to justify doing so, then you must tell me who I am speaking to before I tell you if you have contacted the person you wish to speak to.

I have a slight problem here. This Morning has just started, featuring the lovely Holly Willoughby. I currently have man flu, meaning I have a box of tissues next to me. We also have workmen in, and one of them has just walked in to ask me something whilst I'm sitting here in my pyjamas, watching Holly Willoughby with a box of tissues next to me. You do the math.

Don't you dare ever again phone me on my personal phone and expect me to identify myself to an anonymous voice.

Are you still banging on? Jesus, we get the point.

If you phone me, you tell me who you are before I speak to you.

Is it just me, or is this breathtaking arrogance?

The woman that phoned me on Thursday found that she had to identify herself pretty quickly before I cut her off.

That's one way to interact with a woman. Another good one is to kick her in the fanny. Trust me on that one, Alwyn.

Only when I knew who I was speaking to did I tell her that she was speaking to the intended person. It would have been much better if she had identified herself the moment that I answered the call. Better manners also.


Try something like the following - "Good after-noon. I am Mrs So-and-so speaking from Shirehall. Can I please speak to Mr Cox?"

Breath taking. I literally do not know what to say about this anymore.

Good manners do not take a lot of brain power.

End of letter. Wow. The funny thing is Alwyn, I'm half-tempted to agree with you, if you weren't being such a pompous buffoon about it.

Next week in Alwyn's letter - how a waitress should serve him correctly!