Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Forgive me Father...

This post is half going to be an honest, trite confession, and half a shameless advertisement. That's how I roll, bitches.

One night, whilst chatting to Merciless Public, we had a conversation that went a bit like this:

MP - "You remember that culture thing that Voley was talking about setting up? He seems to have forgotten about it, doesn't he?"

EW - "Mmmhmm"

MP - "Well, why don't we...

EW - "No."

MP - "Seriously, why not? Fuck the whole culture thing, just do films. Like, an online film review thing - we can advertise on Facebook, get people signed up, get it going, maybe then get Vole and his intelligencia to join up, it would be great! We both love films, and talking about them, let's do it! We both share a love for pipedreams, after all."

I couldn't resist that, and an hour later we were the joint-owners of a film reviewing blog, named after a quirky little scene in a film we both love. It wasnt the most professional thing you've ever seen, but we didn't care. It was ours, and we were confident we could get it up and running, get a good debate going, our own little sanctuary away from the humdrum of our normal blogs.

Twenty-four hours later we were still planning the best course of action when my "Tweetdeck" buzzed at me - '1 All Friends'. It was Cynical Ben, and he was advertising something called "The Culture Cheese and Pineapple". My blood ran cold as I clicked on the link., surely not. Oh My God, it was. Vole and Ben had not forgotten "the culture thing", they had in fact been secretly been working on it. A bit later, Ben announced just as much on his blog. Their unveiling night, if you will.

Ever been kicked in the balls, or punched in the stomach? The Culture Cheese had come along, in all of it's good-looking, professional, cultured and stylish glory, and had pretty much squashed our effort before it had even got off the ground.

I won't lie to you, dear reader, we were both deflated. It's hard enough for Merciless Public as it is, living in West Bromwich. I closed my door. Closed my curtains. Put some Dido on. Sniffed some marker pens. Watched some Japanese pornography. Depression had set in. My friend Tim emailed me, enthusing about the site and ready to go. "It's off, Timmeh. Sorry." I tearfully wrote back. Even the legendary BOD fell into a depression after hearing the news, and could only reflect his sorrow to the outside world by updating his Facebook status every five fucking minutes.

Weeks passed. "Are you going to join Culture Cheese dude?" Merciless asked me, many times. "Fuck them" I thought. "Fuck them right off". But time is the ultimate healer, and I began to loosen my stance. I opened my bedroom door. I smiled and embraced the sun. I put on The Beach Boys. I kept on watching Japanese pornography. And then we found a new pipedream.

Merciless Public and I have set up a Fantasy Football league. It's hosted on, and it's free entry. We still have a few places left for our private league, so if you are interested in joining up, give either of us a bell (we're easily contactable). At the moment we have 6 teams, and Vole + Cynical Ben have said that they are both interested in signing up when they get a free moment.

That's very kind of them, and after hours of discussion with Merciless, we realised we had been a bit silly, rejecting The Culture Cheese. Put simply, it's a fantastic idea, the site looks fantastic, and we have both signed up. If you have an interest in things, which I'm sure you do, and you are prepared to write and share your opinion about them, go and sign up. I think Vole will agree - the more the merrier, and hopefully we'll get many different opinions on things. It should be interesting, and I for one am excited for it's August launch.

I already have my first suggestion lined up for The Culture Cheese. It's a challenging, thought provoking, intense and magnificent film, but I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what everyone else makes of "Japanese horny schoolgirls Volume 3 XXXXX Rated!"

Monday, 13 July 2009

Bye Bye Carlos Tevez

Just let it be known that I loved you.


On Sunday morning I settled down with some toast and switched onto BBC 2 and the programme "Something for the Weekend". I'm a fan - some of the banter is a bit forced, and some of the features are a bit naff, but in my mind it's a perfect show for a lazy Sunday morning.

At one point there was a brief conversation about Katie Price, considering that the mong-fest between her and Piers Moron had been on TV the night before. The presenter, a certain Mr Tim Lovejoy, criticised it, and wondered whether he should go on prime-time TV and talk about his ex-wife. At which point I smiled and thought "Oh God, here we go".

I wasn't wrong. Looking at my stat-porn last night, I had about 13 different people finding this blog having googled about Tim Lovejoy's private life. "Tim Lovejoy girlfriend", "Tim Lovejoy ex-wife", "Jade Lovejoy", "Tim and Jade Lovejoy" and so on.

If you're reading this blog having googled about Tim Lovejoy, and his private life - first of all, you won't find anything here. The title of my blog was just something I shamefully nicked from one of my friends. Sorry about that. But, seriously, what are you doing? Why are you so interested in a strangers life? And why aren't you looking on wiki? If you have found this blog this way, I'd love you to leave me a comment and explain yourself - I'm genuinely interested.

And if it keeps on happening, I'm re-naming/re-branding myself to "The Rise and Rise of Bob Mills" instead.

Just one final stat-porn note, someone found my blog today having googled "gary pratt ponting fucking cheat". I couldn't agree more!

And so to Turnberry!

I know what you're thinking. No, really, I do. Right now, you are thinking this:

"Wowzers, how hot did Rachel Riley look on Countdown today?!"

You can't fool me, I'm afraid. And you are right, she is gorgeous. But I'm actually thinking about The Open which is starting on Thursday, from the magnificent and challenging Turnberry. Regular readers will know just how awesome my sporting predictions are, so no doubt you are all waiting with baited breath to see who I'm tipping. Well, wait no longer!

I'm going to tip a few people, because I'm cheeky like that. Ian Poulter must surely win his first Major soon, and 28/1 is a nice price for him. Lee Westwood is in a decent run of form, and William Hill has him 3rd favourite at 25/1. And I must back young Rory McIlroy, because I love the wee bastard so much, although he's also 25/1, pretty poor odds to be honest. That price seems ridiculously short for an inexperienced young lad, bearing in mind that the Tiger is in the field also.

Finally, if you want an outsider, the South African Richard Sterne is 250/1, which is a crazy price considering what a solid player he is and how well he played at the weekend. Might have a sneaky quid on that one myself. May the best man win, providing it's not Adam Scott!