Thursday, 11 June 2009


This is how it feels to be City
This is how it feels to be small
This is how it feels when your team wins nothing at all
Nothing at all

I can't get this little ditty out of my head today. It was always inevitable that Cristiano Ronaldo was going to go to Real Madrid - every United fan knew it, we just hoped it was later rather than sooner. But we have to accept that he's gone, and he ain't coming back. Farewell, Cristiano. 
And now, we have to plan, and spend our transfer money smartly - otherwise we really won't win anything at all next season. Here's what I propose to you, Sir Alex (long term reader, btw) :

  • If it's a sensible price, sign Franck Ribery. If Bryan Munich want over £25m for him, then fuck them, and make do with Luis Valencia. I'm not a fan, but there's a real derth of top-class wingers out there. It's also worth finding out if Nani can step up and be Ronaldo-lite (not likely, but still)
  • There's been noises coming out at Barcelona that Yaya Toure could be off, and not for a huge fee. Yeah, get him - we desperately need a bit of steel in CM. Rumour is you could get him for £15m - Gibson, Manucho, Simpson and Campbell being sold should cover that.
  • Finally, we need a striker, considering Tevez is off. It needs to be a goalscorer. A fan favourite. Someone who's name you can chant easily when he bangs in another goal. A poacher. A deadly marksman. Preferably a penalty taker. A player of international quality. Someone who's experienced playing in England. Someone who can perform at a top club.
Are you thinking who I'm thinking, Sir Alex? Oh yes :

Oh god yes. Make it happen, NOW.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

I'm bored, people. Dangerously bored.

It's 30mins until the England game. There's no NBA on tonight, and MLB starts at midnight. There's nothing on TV. So, instead of doing a Stephen Milligan/David Carradine, I thought I would share with you some pictures that I have bookmarked on my laptop, for various reasons. Don't ask the reasons why I have saved these, I just have. There's also a load of motion gifs I have, but I'll just put the links for them. Hope they all work. Anyway, have some pictures:

That last one is for blackmailing reasons. And now here's some motion gifs!

Still 13 minutes to the football. Damnit. Facebook Poker time, methinks.

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

A boring long holiday post #1

I can't quite believe it, but exactly a year ago I was staying in a hotel room in New Jersey, ready to go back into NYC for another blistering hot day of shopping and tourism, as well as attending a book signing for a former Yankee. So much has happened since then - some of it good, some bad, but most of all the year has just flown by. As I think back to the holiday of a lifetime, now feels like a good time to re-cap the trip, as best as I can. Because of the length of this re-cap, I'll split it into chunks, instead of one ridiculously long blog. This, funnily enough, is part 1.

Before June 2008, I had only been on a plane once, when I had vomited. Although as my dad pointed out to me, when I was 2 I pretty much vomited everywhere. Never the less, I was nervous, and my mother's fear of flying didn't help. But when you know that your friend will be waiting patiently for you in JFK Airport, you can't really back out. I'll admit now, I was terrified at Manchester Airport, mainly because once I went through to the waiting lounges, my Dad couldn't be with me - I was on my own, without having done this before. Gulp. I coped fine, but the trip over there was a complete nightmare. Firstly, the steps that go up to the plane weren't in the right place, and the pilot wasn't happy with the gap that remained. So, we had to wait for them to sort the steps out before we could get on the plane. Then, there was a leak in the kitchen area of the plane, so we had to wait for them to sort that out. THEN, the computers went down in London, so we couldn't get clearance to take off. So, about 90 mins later than scheduled, we had lift off. Funnily enough, all that delaying helped my nerves considerably - my attitude turned from "Christ, I'm a bit nervous about this" to "Fucking hell, let's just go, for Christ's sake". It was one of those things where at the time, you just take it in your stride and get on with it, but when I look back on it now, I think "Jeez, how did you cope with all of that?"

I know this sounds stupid, coming a few days after a plane crashing into the Atlantic, but I loved the flight, and there was no need to worry. The complimentary snacks and drinks, the choice of in-fight entertainment, the quality of the air stewardesses....oh yes, British Airways catered me very well. The food wasn't great, but that's understandable. The best bit, and if you are a nerd like me, I urge you to go on a BA flight just for this - is the "flight stats" you can get onboard, which I must have spent 80% of the flight itself looking at. A map, showing you how far along you are, the temperature outside, the speed you're going at, what the altitude is...oh man, fantastic. 

We landed safe and sound, and after spending almost 10 hours on a plane, I was relieved to get off. That was until I reached the customs bit at JFK Airport. Scary, genuinely scary. A headmistress type shouts at you, and you feel that if you don't instantly obey her, about 6 security guards will whip out scary guns and blow you into New Hampshire. And then I tried cracking a joke to the guy who was doing my fingerprints - which was met with a silence, a glare and contempt. Welcome to New York! After I had staggered to get my cases, moving my way past yet more security guards with guns, I rounded the corner - and there was my friend.

Coming up in Part 2 - NYC, baby.


This might just be the funniest thing I've seen this year. CM Punk >>>>>>> Rednecks.

*A friend has pointed out to me that this might be funnier if I give a bit of background info. Well, in the world of WWE, the guy in the blue trunks (CM Punk)
has an opportunity to challenge the champion for a title-match at anytime. He did so on Sunday night, but he did it right after the champion had just defended
his title in a long and brutal match. This can be seen as being a "bad guy" thing to do - so CM Punk goes from "good guy" to "bad guy". Hope that all
makes sense. Anyway, these rednecks clearly believe it's all real, and they think that move was bullsheeeeee-it! The sentence "Yes! You didn't get it, you punk,
you little bitch!" is just beautiful.

And no, I don't know why my text has gone like this either.

Monday, 8 June 2009

Stat-porn explosion

The Plashing Vole is quick to criticise Twitter, but it's proved mildly useful today. The genius that is Lee Mack was looking for blogs, and I'm not one to pass up some cheap publicity. So I went ahead and plugged mine, and also alerted Merciless Public to it as well.

Well, I'm pleased to say that Lee Mack (who is wonderful, go and see him, came through in the clutch, and whacked up this blog addy on his twitter feed.

And now my stat-porn has fucking exploded, but I'm not complaining. First Ana Ivanovic, now this. Join me next time, when Dizzee Rascal tells The Guardian that he has this as his homepage.