Thursday, 26 November 2009


A few days ago I agreed to whore out my blog for you loyal readers, and invited you to leave words/comments/phrases/places/names of anything you wanted, which I then promised to blog about. Many thanks for the people who have commented so far - if you haven't, and wish to, there is still time! Drop me a comment on the blog entry below and I'll endeavour to blog about the subject of your choice.

Anyhow, here's my reaction to the first comment that was left. Let's have a look-see:

Dan said...

Ten reasons why you love that Drinking In LA song by that Bran Flakes 9000 shower so much. Ta.

Aha! Nice and easy. Thanks Dan, although I'll think you'll find you mean Bran Van 3000!

1) First of all, the band name is awesome. I mean, c'mon - Bran Van 3000. That is brilliant. Much better than rubbish names like Snow Patrol. Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Dogs Die in Hot Cars.

2) I'm a huge fan of 'One Hit Wonders', and despite being a huge fan of this song, I cannot name another Bran Van song, nor have I ever listened to one. I don't think they ever had any other hits, which just tickles me.

3) I love the start - the mundane nature of radio phone-in quizzes. "What is Todd's favourite cheese", it sums up the banality of them beautifully.

4) The line "Jackie just called up and said it was a form of Roquefort" always reminds me of my personal tutor, the greatest personal tutor you could ever wish to have. (PLUG - If you have Facebook, please sign up to The Official Jackie Pieterick Appreciation Thread - Dan and I would appreciate that as we're trying to get to 100 fans. Ta.)

5) The song has given me the phrase "Give us a ring-ding-ding!" which I tend to leave on people's answer machines.

6) It references Julie Newmar, a woman who every boy who's watched the TV series of Batman has fantasised over.

7) The chorus pretty much sums up things that we all think, at one point or another - "Why am I here?" "What am I doing?" "Should I be doing something better with my time?" etc. You can relate to the self-reflection and internal questioning.

8) It features the word 'butkis'. C'mon.

9) I like the way at the end of the song, "LA" becomes "Hell-A". Very simple, but pretty accurately sums up what I would make of that city.

10) It's awesome, okay?

That good enough for you Dan?

ADDENDUM - It turns out that blog readers are now not showing my latest blog entries at all. Looking at other blogs, they're all saying my last post was a week ago, which is inaccurate. SO my only advice to you is to keep on popping by and manually check to see if I've blogged. After all, I wouldn't want you missing out on my next blog post, where I debate whether straw hats are good or bad...

Monday, 23 November 2009

Seeing isn't Believing

Morning all. Thanks for the comments in my last blog post, and I'll get round to tackling all of them very soon. If you wish to take part, there's still time! Just leave me a comment.

But for now I wish to look at a letter that was sent into Wednesday's Sloppy Star. Bit of a change of theme here folks - it's not about the EU, nor Afghanistan, nor the BNP. It's about something far more important than those issues, and is something that particularly applies to the people of Shropshire. Let's have a look at the title of your letter, A Harrison from Mucky Wenlock!

X Factor judge Cowell should change name

Are you excited? I'm excited!

Spot on Shirley.

I've no idea what the start to his letter means, but insert your own "Airplane" based joke here.

When X Factor judge Simon Cowell failed to dismiss the twins, John and Edward, after slating them week after week, shows when push comes to shove, he chickens out. Perhaps his name should be changed to Simon Coward.

What you did there - I see it.

In not dismissing the Deadwoods

What you did there - I see it.

he got rid of the best female singer, Lucie Jones (Stacey Solomon has no chance).

YOU HEAR THAT, SOLOMON? Fuck off, yeah? You have literally no chance, you tone-deaf bitch. Forget the fact that Paddy Power, William Hill, Ladbrokes all have you second favourite in the betting. Might as well walk before you're pushed, honey. IT IS OVER.

Could it be that after female singers winning the last two shows there is a vacancy for a male singer this year?

I'll address this in a bit. Mainly because you're stumbling on the point, but you're not quite there.

If one does win I wonder who will sign him up?

No need to wonder anymore Mr Harrison! The answer is Simon Cowell.

It makes you wonder if the whole show is rigged.

It is. Now that you've finished your letter Mr Harrison, make yourself a cup of tea and pull a chair up. I need to explain a few things to you.

When I was at primary school I had a friend who's parents were divorced. He lived with his Mum down on the South Coast, whilst his Dad lived and worked in London. He worked "in TV", and his job was mainly to recruit people to appear on various TV programmes. Most of the time these people were part-time actors looking to make a few quid. I remember having a good laugh with him when Vanessa Feltz got in trouble for having actors on her "agony aunt" show, as he knew more than anyone else that all similar shows at the time were doing exactly the same.

That was late-90s, but the con still goes on. Channel 5 quiz 'Brainteaser' was taken off air after they had a "viewer" phone in to win some cash, who just happened-oops!-to be someone who worked behind the scenes on the show. Even the hallowed 'Blue Peter' got in trouble a few years back for ignoring a public vote and calling their new cat what they wanted it to be called.

What's the point I'm trying to make here, you wonder? Well, the point is that TV is an interesting medium, as most times what you see certainly isn't what you get. And that leads me back onto X-Factor. I absolutely hate the programme, as I can see through it.

It is nothing more than a money spinning machine for Simon Cowell, who preys on young people's hopes and dreams with scant regard for them or their careers. Mr Harrison, you are wrong in thinking that as females have won the show these past few years, it has to be a male this time around. The winner of the X-Factor this year will be the artist who can make Simon Cowell the most money. Male, female, alien, wookie, whoever. Please don't think the phone vote makes any difference either. Simon Cowell will pick the winner, as Simon Cowell does not give a shit about you. And once he's made his money being the producer of the X-Factor, and he's milked the artist for as much as he can, he won't give a shit about them either.

Sad, isn't it? And it won't change until you all do the right thing - turn that shit off.