Friday, 28 August 2009

A boring long holiday post #4

Golly, I've neglected this. But now that I've started, I may as well inch towards the finish line. So, where were we? Literally? Ah, okay. Just leaving NYC, driving upto Connecticut. I remember it well!

Ivan and I had already booked tickets to go and see some baseball in Boston, so when we left NYC we knew we would be driving up the East coast. Thankfully the weather was brilliant - still warm, but not the stifling heat it had been for my first few days over there. Instead of zooming straight up to Boston, we decided to take it easy and stay the night in Connecticut, or as I liked to call it, Connect-i-cut. After a fuelling stop at the marvellous Applebees, we set off. I'll be honest, as it was a 'driving day', there's not too much excitement I can share with you, and all I can remember from the day was a massive hold-up entering Connecticut bang on rush hour.

So, let's neatly fast forward to the early evening, where we had a great example of how life has been made just a little easier by our gadget friends. When we left NYC, we hadn't booked a motel in advance, and obviously we needed somewhere to stay the night. So sitting in a restaurant car park Ivan fiddled about with his sat-nav,"Kylie" (I shan't be telling you why) until we had a list of motels in the area. We found the one nearest to us - phone number duly provided. Quick ring on his mobile, and we had a room for the night, directions to it neatly mapped out as well. Awesome, and that all took us about 2 minutes. We got out of the car and went to dinner.

Lenny and Joe's Fish Tale in Madison, CT came highly recommended from a book Ivan had that highlighted the best eateries in each state. You know how when you're in a restaurant, everyone else's meal looks more interesting than yours? I ordered the hot lobster rolls, which were outstanding, whereas Ivan went for the fish platter. This led to an interesting few moments where he looked at the rolls with envy, whereas I looked at his platter (not a euphemism) with a mixture of interest and jealously. For the record, their fried scallops are marvellous, the hot lobster rolls even better.

To say disaster struck the next morning would be an exaggeration, but it felt like it at the time. I woke up horribly, ridiculously and overwhelmingly homesick. I had never felt homesick before, nor since, and it wasn't very pleasant. There was no point in telling Ivan, I didn't think, so all I could do was just try and soak it up as best I could and see what Boston would bring, and see what Fenway Park would bring, as that was where we were going later that night...

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

EU must be joking!

Guess what kids? Val Duncan from Wellington is back! Let's see if she's changed since her last effort. Clue: She hasn't.

I was once a firm royalist until I found out the Queen had willingly signed six treaties to sell us off to Europe. Why?

Okay. Let's take a deep breath, and tackle this sensibly:
  • The European Communities Act (1972) enabled the UK to accede into the European Community and incorporated European Community Law into our legal system.
  • The Single European Act (1986) seeked to establish a common market by the end of 1992.
  • The Maastricht Treaty (1992) effectively formed the EU, and created the Euro.
  • The Amsterdam Treaty (1997) was a biggie, relatively speaking. It enabled increased power for the European Parliament, and the formation of the CFSP.
  • The Nice Treaty (2001) reformed the EU, including modifying the weighting of votes cast.
  • The Lisbon Treaty (2007) has not been fully endorsed yet, but it intends to change the workings of the EU, creating a President of the EC and increased involvement of the European Parliament.
God, that was boring. The point is, I don't think any of those treaties have "sold us off to Europe." A bigger involvement in the EU, more influence for the European Parliament and a larger sense of a Europe-wide community - sure. But we're still our own little island, aren't we? It wasn't Europe who beat Australia in the Ashes, and the last time I looked England still had a national football team (albeit with an Italian manager!).

Anyway, why the Euro hate? I love the Eurovision, I love some of the beautiful cities (as does Voley, clearly), I love the Swedish women...

Blimey, that was all a bit serious, wasn't it? Time to non-think!

Is her German ancestry getting the better of her at last?

I don't know why, but I find that sentence strangely racist. Maybe it's just me.

Does she want to go into history as the last serving monarch of the once Great Britain?

She quite clearly won't. What are you talking about? No-one has said otherwise?

We may never have another government because you can't have a government unless you are a country, as a state we have no country and we are ruled by the EU Commission.

I'm trying to think up something funny to say here but I'm struggling. The last time I looked, England was still a country, and our legislature was still our Parliament. When did we suddenly become ruled by the EU Commission?

You can't have a monarch if you have no kingdom, a state has no kingdom. What is going on here?

You're asking me!

There was an article today on Sky about drugs being out of stock. Are the big pharmaceutical giants putting sanctions on us to stop us trying to pull out of the EU?

I can't find that on the Sky News website. And I'm not sure pharmaceutical companies have that much influence, do they? Goodness, sorry, this is a bit heavy and serious isn't it? The problem here is that this letter is nonsense, but not quite silly enough to completely ridicule.

Maybe we should stop fighting other countries and join forces with them, it appears we may have a mutual enemy in the World Food Organisation, the Bilderberg Group and the European Union.

Let's stop fighting the Taliban, and join forces with them to tackle....the World Food Organisation. Right. And I wouldn't worry too much about the Bilderbergs - they meet once a year, and the only reason everyone gets awfully excited about them is because we don't know what they talk about. Probably tits and football, like all other blokes.

It's a rotten world out there and it's time we made a noise about it.

(end of letter)

Go and have a lie-down Val, I don't want you worrying yourself all the time like this!

Things to worry about: Murderers, rapists, paedophiles, maniacs, nuclear weaponry, North Korea. Those last three are neatly tied together.

Things not to worry about: World Food Organisation.

Sorry folks, I realise this hasn't been too funny - perhaps I'm losing my touch. C'mon Slarkie - give me some decent ammo!

Ewarwoowar's Day Off

I've blogged far too much over the past few days, so after this entry I'm going to take myself off away from the computer for the day and read - you know that lovely feeling when you have a great big pile of books to get through? Perfect for a rainy day outside.

I'm currently wading my way through another Steve McQueen biog, this is the 3rd I've read on him so far. After that it will be a book about football tactics (no, really), then Horace Panter's autobiog. Then, and only if I'm feeling brave, I might try Catch-22 again. I tried reading it when I was 18, and got so bogged down I abandoned it after only about 30 pages. Everyone I've spoken to though says it's well worth sticking with it. We'll see.

Anyway, I have nothing of interest to say today. So here's some pics you may enjoy. Coming tomorrow...a brand new exciting thing!



EDIT - Amusingly once again most of them can't fit on this blog here. Click on one of these pics, that will take you to my photo album to see the others.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

The Daily Fail

I'm 99.9% certain that this is a wind-up, but I'll post it here regardless. If it is indeed a WUM, shame on the Mail for not realising. And if it's real....


EDIT - Ooh, looks like it's too big to fit it all in on here. If you click on the picture itself, you should be directed to a screen that has it in all of it's glory.

Fantasy Football Leaderboard

And thus Gameweek 3 has finished. Big result of the weekend was last night, where Liverpool suffered their second defeat of the season against the Villa. I found that tres drole, but let's not get too carried away - there is a long way to go yet. The same can be applied to our Fantasy Football league of course - let's have the leaderboard so far.

1) Clunge FC (Dylan) 145 UP 2
=1) Melchester Rovers (Daniel) 145 UP 4
3) FATHEADZ BOYS FC (colby) 138 DOWN 2
4) Tommy Tank FC (Mitchell) 132 DOWN 2
5) Fantasy FC (Rob) 131 SAME
6) Boddy Dazzler FC (Darryl) 127 UP 4
=6) Cynical Ben (Ben Judge) 127 DOWN 2
8) Crem de la Prem (andy) 120 DOWN 1
9) Renford Rejects (Patrick) 109 UP 3
=9) Dynamo Sawyer (Richard) 109 DOWN 1
11) IsTonyDaleyElectric? (Shaun) 107 UP 2
=11) Warrior's XI (arun) 107 UP 3
13) The Lamplight Tandem (Jon) 104 DOWN 4
14) Miller-Urey XI (Don) 92 DOWN 3

Meanwhile, over at Blogger Buzz...

25 August 2009permalink
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sd gsdkfgj nsdfg dsi gsidfgnsdilgnsdli gnsdlfig ndlsfig dslfgidfgilsdfg ilsdfg ilsdfgnsdilgunsdilf gn]sdg
sdfgksdjfn lsdjn glsidufgn lsdiufgn isdfng sdifgn lisnelrignsldifnglwiurhgilugl skdg sdfg sdf gsdfg
sd gnsdlfgk jnsdlfgk jsdnfglksdjnlkgjsndfklgjn sdfklgj nsidjfgsidfgnli sndfglisndflgisd glisfg dslig nsddsf gsdkl gndsklf gjnsdkfjgn sdklfgjnsdjfkl gnsdg
— Wiktor Gworek

Thanks for that Wiktor! I'm off out now - I'm walking into town to buy some stationery, perve at some women and maybe visit the library. When I come back, the Fantasy Football leaderboard after Gameweek 3! ZOMG!

EDIT - It's been taken down now. Wonder what was going on there.

ANOTHER EDIT - Turns out it was a test by a Polish man. All sorted now! Nothing to see here, move along now...

Monday, 24 August 2009

How Incredibly Boring

My Political Views
I am a centrist social moderate
Left: 0.8, Libertarian: 0.63

My Foreign Policy Views

Score: -2.31

My Culture War Stance
Score: -2.54

All my results are pretty much bang on the average of those who have taken the test beforehand. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Then again, I am a "shallow non-thinker", so I'm just grateful I managed to understand the words and that.

Get your brains working!

I'll be honest, I've not had too many entries so far for my quiz spectacular? Is it too easy? Too hard? Too pointless?

Well, it really isn't pointless - because there really is a prize for the winner this time. If you wanted to buy the prize brand new, off Amazon, it would cost you £30, and on it's £45!

You win the quiz, it's yours for nowt. I must be mad. is the link, you have a few days left so get those thinking caps on!

This is just too good to forget about, Part 6

Dougal's face at 0:54 makes the whole scene, mind. Still such a fantastic show.

Sunday, 23 August 2009

Sorry Mr Anonymous

But how can I ignore the letters into The Slop when they are as fabulous as this one? Step forward, Val Duncan from Wellington!

I have heard youngsters say: "I have been in Europe ever since I was born. I'm European, really.

Correct. I knew we weren't in the Eurovision and European football tournaments for no reason. Although I think all this "I'm European" is a bit silly. Yes, I am, because my country is officially in Europe. But does it really matter what you say?
  • I'm English
  • I'm British
  • I'm European
  • I'm a person living on this planet
  • I'm a cuckoo
PS. I'm prepared to bet you have never, ever heard a "youngster" say that.

No, not yet you're not

No, sorry, I'm pretty certain I am. Like I said, it doesn't really matter, but I definitely am.

but on January 1 the full force of the EU will rule us.

Frightfully sorry to be a pedant, but you've now started talking about something completely different. If the EU was disbanded tomorrow, we would still be in Europe. I would still be European? You see? So, how about you stop your letter, right now?

More than 30 years of planning will come into effect because already 90% of power has been passed to the EU.

OR, you can carry on writing this nonsense. You're going to do that? Cool.

By this time next year there will probably not be a Westminster Parliament or any need for one.

Absolute bollocks. If you're reading this Val, send me an e-mail, and we can have a bet on this. I'll happily bet you £20 and a bottle of Lucozade. I'll accept cash or cheque.

The EU has long had plans to wipe out our countries and split us into EU regions that are attached to other EU countries so there will be no national borders. You will not live in Shropshire anymore, but an EU area number. You will have an EU police force and the armed services will be at the disposal of Europe.

I'm not sure I can make it to the end of this letter. If I can't make it, I want most of my possessions to go to my younger brother. Only exceptions will be my Dido CDs, which I want Merciless Public to have, and my Jeremy Clarkson books, which must be sent to Voley.

You will not vote for your government because you will no longer have one.

Actually, make it £20, a bottle of Lucozade, and a picture of the US President naked, riding a unicorn, next to Josef Stalin and Hugh Laurie.

It may not happen in weeks or months but it will happen.

WOAH WOAH WOAH! What's this?! Are you now back-tracking on our bet Val? You seemed very confident earlier that it would take only a year for this to all happen.

I get it, you've balked at the picture bit havent you? Okay, scrap that. The bet is £20, a bottle of Lucozade, and a motion gif of a monkey wearing a party hat.

All political parties know it and even the Queen knows it because it is part of the plan that has been hatching all along and it's written into the six treaties the Queen and all governments have already signed.

I spent ages doing all this as part of my Politics A-Level (ooh, get me!) and I find stuff like Maastricht Treaty and The Single European Act ridiculously dull, rather than just seeing it as one big conspiracy against the UK.

Do you know what annoys me the most about all this? It's the fact that these people complain about our Government constantly - Iraq, Afghanistan, swine flu, NHS, police, education and everything else, then the next day they're screaming blue in the face "HOW DARE THESE EUROPEANS TAKE AWAY OUR GOVERNMENT OUR EXCELLENT MPs ARENT BEING ALLOWED TO GOVERN WE'RE UNDER EUROPEAN LAW OH MY GOD IT FRICKING SUCKS AND IT'S THE DEATH OF MY BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY WILL THE LAST PERSON LEFT PLEASE TURN OUT THE LIGHTS" and then the next day, they're back calling our MPs a disgrace over duck-houses or sex scandals or God knows what, they want them all to be kicked out and apathy at general elections still runs wild. Which do you want, people?

By the way, I want those books sent to Voley to be sent first class express delivery, and I want a signature to confirm he's received them, and a contract to insist that he must keep them.

You think it's a fantasy? Then think again and Google then draw your own conclusions.

That will be, in case anyone else wants to visit it. And, in actual fact, I IMPLORE you to actually go and visit it. Go there, have a damn good read, then draw your own conclusions.

Particularly this page which is outstanding.

(end of letter)

Val, you'll need an address to send me my money and Lucozade:

Timothy Lovejoy
16, Rooney Towers