The Obligatory MJ Post

Like so many other musicians, he wasn't going to fade away - on one hand I am completely shocked by this, but on the other hand I'm not. I suppose it was always going to end like this.

How will history see Michael Jackson? I don't know - I hope people will remember the music, like I will try and do, but the cloud will always linger over his name. Forever.

To convey my grief over his death, I contacted my pal E.J.Thribb, and asked him for a poem. He hasn't failed me:

So. Farewell then Michael Jackson

He who did Thriller

On the 25th June 2009

He suffered a cardiac arrest

And that turned out to be his killer

E.J.Thribb 17 1/2*

*If you wish to purchase any of Thribb's work, please visit www.ejthribbftw.com

The highs and lows of SW19

A real mixed day down at Wimbledon. First, a high. Ana Ivanovic survived two match points to progress through to Round 2. And no, I don't run that blog, but it is awfully useful for an obsessive like me. I watched the game thanks to the BBC website, and Ana was utter shite. She won't be around much longer. At Wimbledon, I mean. I'm not planning to kill her.

Next, a low. I don't like using this word (actually, I do, I love it) but some cunt from the Mirror thought he'd try and provoke a reaction from defeated Brit Anne Keothavong. He got it, sadly, and he got his story. I have to wonder who organises these press conferences - if I was in charge, I would have interjected immediately, and told him to ask something else, or leave. Every professional wants to win - none of them lose deliberately, and to heap that much pressure on a young girl's shoulders straight after a defeat is unacceptable, in my opinion. She's done well this year, and she just had a bad game. By going out there and giving her all, the only person she would let down is herself. I hope the guy is satisfied.

Another low is that 6 British players got knocked out today. Don't blame them, blame the grass roots of the game on these shores. And remember that Tim Henman had his own tennis court, and parents rich enough to fund private coaching for him, Greg Rusedski is Canadian, and Andy Murray has grown up in Spain. I don't have time here to analyse what the tennis bods need to do to change things, but change is needed, no matter how many tournaments Murray wins.

Finally, I have to finish on another low. I'm calling you out Celina Hinchcliffe. Not just you, though, every journalist who has ever done this. Watch this video between 0:37 - 1:00. Make sure you notice Ana's eyes glaze over, her smile get a little forced, and her standard reponse to this question. Yes, she has a standard response to this question, because she's heard it 6.7m times before from journalists. Yes, she's gorgeous, and she has male attention. I know that. You know that. She knows that. We all fricking know it. So do you think you could stop asking her about it now?

As she has pointed out to every journalist a million times before, she think it's nice, "every girl likes a compliment", but she wants people to notice her for her achievements on a tennis court. God knows why, she's shit at the moment, but that's what she wants. If there's any sports journalists reading - if you get to interview Ana, please ask her what her favourite biscuit is. Or whether she likes the film Casablanca or not. Anything, apart from "How does it feel to be fit?"

The Championships, Wimbledon

Before a ball is struck in anger, thought I'd better get my Wimbledon predictions in quick, so that after the tournament you can point and laugh.

Who I think will win: Murray and S Williams

Who I want to win: Federerererererererererer and my dear Ana

If you feel brave enough, leave your own predictions as a comment below - then we can all just laugh at each other!

100th Post Birthday Extravaganza!

I can hardly believe it folks, but this 'ere blog entry is my 100th, and like all good cricketers I intend to celebrate my ton. Since the 11th March 2009, I've had a wild and wacky blogging experience. I have:

• Gained 11 followers
• Had well over 1,000 visits
• Live-blogged television programmes and sporting contests
• Insulted a couple from Shifnal
• Did a quiz (another one to come next month!)
• Caused my sitemeter to go crazy, thanks to Twitter
• Uploaded funny videos
• Bored you all with my Premier League Predictions
• Told you just how much of a pervert Samuel Pepys was
• Bored you all with holiday talk
• Bored you all with Ana Ivanovic talk

I don't really know if I've achieved anything, doing this blog. Although, my main achievement in life is knowing all the lyrics of Bran Van 3000's "Drinking in LA" so I've always been a failure. But, I'm still having fun. If I reach 100 followers, I might pack it in, but I'm a long way off that just yet.

I was wondering what special thing I could do to commemorate this wonderful moment in time, so I went back and looked at my very first blog post. There I seemed to just advertise other blogs, and that gave me an idea. A few weeks/months ago I recommended visiting a blog, then clicking on "New Blog" at the top and go wandering through the blogging world, finding random blogs that you would never have found otherwise. One night, I did that, and I found a blog so fantastic I e-mailed the owner, and followed it straight away. The blog tugged at my heartstrings, and being the sentimental, emotional wreck that I am, I can't resist sharing it with you good, good people. Having plugged other blogs in my 1st post, time to plug other blogs in my 100th post:

http://thatsoftdog.blogspot.com/

Go and visit, click on the archives and find the very first post, then have a browse through. I know you will, you're good like that. I certainly don't regret doing that, and for me the whole experience neatly encapsulates the wonder of blogging - I now think more about that soft dog in Denver than I do my own, even though I know neither the dog or the owner personally. I've never been to Denver, I probably never will. To me, that's what blogging is all about - simply sharing experiences with others, no matter where they are.

Here's to the next 100 posts!

This is just too good to forget about, Part 5

"So, are we done?"

"I think so, yeah....Oasis, Pulp, Foo Fighters and Shed Seven are the biggies...other acts...Beck, Super Furries, Queens of the Stone Age, Placebo...looks a pretty good line-up, I reckon!

"Great! Let's go and have a pint"

"Err, guys? Sorry, we still need one more."

"What? We not done?"

"No, erm, we still need one more act - nothing major, just something to fill about 10 minutes?"

"Erm, Christ, right, errm....you phoned Damon?"

"Blur aren't performing festivals at the moment."

"How about Morrissey? Bit of a blast from the past, he can do The Smiths classics..."

"Too expensive, and he'll want to headline. No, we just need a time-filler, someone who can step into the breach for literally 10-15 minutes."

(pause)

"Guys - I think I have it!"

"Really?"

"Oh yes, oh hell yeah. Had a couple of hits...they're down with the kids...can interact with the crowd...bit of publicity lately...let me just make a few calls, and we should have them. Seriously, you guys can thank me later!"

Live-Blogging the Countdown Grand Final

15:23 I was looking for something to blog about, and whilst contemplating what I could ramble on about, a nice man on Channel 4 has just announced it's the Countdown Grand Final! SO HERE WE GO! Live-Blogging at short notice, this should be fun.

15:24 C'mon Queenie, make Jeff Stelling a Sir.

15:25 Rachel Riley looking fabulous. Not as nice as Susie Dent, the ultimate MILF, but there we go. And you thought I watched this programme for educational reasons?

15:26 It's Kirk Bevans vs Jimmy Gough!

15:27 Dr Phil Hammond! What a genius.

15:29 PEDANTS for 7. I win.

15:30 Dr Phil does a joke, and NO-ONE laughs. Marvellous.

15:31 Is POLLER a word? If so, for 6. I win.

15:32 Rachel is wearing a massive yellow belt buckle. Looks a bit garish contrasted to her white dress.

15:33 Susie is embarrassed she didn't get "Nounal". I didn't even think the word existed.

15:34 Bored of letters now, let's have some numbers, c'mon.

15:35 EMAILERS is not a proper word, for fucks sake.

15:35 75 x 3 = 225. Add on the 6, the 4, and the 5. 240! I WIN!

15:36 Dr Phil Hammond has a dummy, business is about to pick up.

15:37 Dr Phil just made a joke about Susie grabbing a man "down below". I'm not going to lie, I'm now aroused.

15:40 1st break "teaser" is SOAPSUDS. I win. Going to pop downstairs and get some food, the tension is killing me.

15:44 Back to it. It's Bevans 45-32 Gough, in case you care. Which you probably don't.

15:47 I've got to be honest, this isn't the best thing to Live-blog, particularly if no-one else is watching it. I'm sure some pensioners are watching somewhere, sucking on some Werthers Originals.

15:48 Christ, these guys are good. Probably why they're in the final. I love the way they sigh and say "Only 6" when I've struggled to a 5.

15:50 WAPITI? What the shit is that? Geez.

15:51 I love Susie Dent so much. She would be the best person to open up a dictionary and look up rude words with. That first bit is not a deliberate euphemism.

15:53 My god, Bevans is a fucking machine. 74-45, all over. He is amazing.

15:54 Second break "teaser" is TATTOOED. God, I amaze myself.

15:59 My brother has just come home from school, and as a treat my mother has bought some cream cakes. Please excuse the pause in live-blogging that will now take place. SCHOLAR for 7! I win!

16:04 That was brilliant, neither of the two got the numbers round, and then Jeff got it! The man is an all-round genius.

16:05 Conundrum...and no-one got it. GRANIVORE. I'm as bemused as you are.

16:06 Well done to Kirk "The Kirkulator" Bevans!

16:08 It's all over, the next series starts on............Monday. Right.

16:09 Well, that was fun. Back to Royal Ascot, and pondering what sensible thing I can blog about.

This sums it up nicely

I can't take credit for this, I'm afraid - read it on a football forum. But I like it so much, I'm stealing it. The final word on Ronnie - it's pretty damn accurate, providing you get the mental images out of your head :

"I know you're going to say it's just because I didn't like him but I just can't feel that bad about it.

For me, Ronaldo was the super fit, rich girl from the posh houses. She was only shagging me to annoy her dad. I knew eventually some flash fucker would turn up on a polo pony and whisk her away. But I didn't care because the other blokes were all jealous and I was shagging a super fit, rich girl.

I prefer the Rooney girl. She might be the girl next door but when she shags me she means it, and I can rely on her to always be there. If she ever moves out then I'll feel the way you do."