I can't take credit for this, I'm afraid - read it on a football forum. But I like it so much, I'm stealing it. The final word on Ronnie - it's pretty damn accurate, providing you get the mental images out of your head :
"I know you're going to say it's just because I didn't like him but I just can't feel that bad about it.
For me, Ronaldo was the super fit, rich girl from the posh houses. She was only shagging me to annoy her dad. I knew eventually some flash fucker would turn up on a polo pony and whisk her away. But I didn't care because the other blokes were all jealous and I was shagging a super fit, rich girl.
I prefer the Rooney girl. She might be the girl next door but when she shags me she means it, and I can rely on her to always be there. If she ever moves out then I'll feel the way you do."