You couldn't make this up...

A lost cat turns up on Question Time. Insane. Can't believe I didn't notice it at the time.

However, I love this quote at the end of the article:

Gill Penlington, Question Time's editor, said: "Tango is certainly the most unusual guest we've had in Question Time's history."

Those of us who saw Jarvis Cocker on there last night knows that that statement just isn't true...

Gallimaufry, bitches!

I find blogging interesting, in the sense that sometimes I have literally nothing to write about. During those moments, I'll go a day or two without posting anything, or I might just put some rubbish about Ana Ivanovic. Other times, I have loads of stuff I want to write about, and I feel I'm in one of those phases at the moment. So be primed for a few blog posts over the next few days.

It's a beautiful day today, but I've just put down Wisden Cricketer magazine and popped back indoors to catch up on some comments that people have left me recently. I read all of them, of course, but rarely comment on them myself. So, let's see what we have here:

Many thanks to Rich for his excellent comment about the state of British tennis. Just to pick one passage from it:

'In my mind, what's needed is sustained investment in tennis coaching and academies, much like money is being put into grassroots football.'

Absolutely agreed, but I wonder whether it will ever happen. Football will always be the dominant sport in Britian, with cricket and rugby behind it. It feels weird saying this right now, as Wimbledon reaches it's climax, but tennis is bordering on being a minority sport over here. As long as that is the case, would it get the sustained investment?

Interest comment by The Plashing Vole about classical musicians dying young. It's not an area I know anything about - my interest in that subject was swiftly ended by our music teacher forcing us to watch the film Amadeus, the 3rd worst movie of all time. Still, Mozart was mental, and he died young as well didn't he? So it's an interesting pattern.

Many thanks to all who offered suggestions on sleeping in this hot weather. To Demented Demon - not sure I would want caffeine before attempting to sleep. To Voley - I tend to go to bed about 2am, think my parents might get a bit freaked out if I took a cold shower at about 1am. But you are so right about Diane Keaton - she worked so well with Allen. And she was gorgeous, which always helps. To Cynical Ben - not boring at all, very interesting actually. I let my mind wander and I slept very well last night, so who knows. Thanks to all.

Finally, in this mixed bag of a post, a quick stat-porn note. Someone from Macedonia visited the other day. Now, I only know two people from Macedonia. One of them died about 2000 years ago, and the other is Artim Sakiri. You might remember Sakiri after he scored this goal, but he also played for West Brom for a brief spell. Even though Macedonia has a population of over 2m, I'm just going to presume it's him who visited. Flawless logic, I think you'll agree.

Artim, I hate to disappoint you but Ana Ivanovic has not done a 'porno' yet, but it can only be a matter of time before Adam Scott corrupts her. The way her tennis career is going, a move into that industry might be imminent. So, keep your eye on Google, buddy.

Back outside now to finish my magazine. Did you know Adam Gilchrist once hit a century against England in only 57 balls? Insane!

Scholes, Djemba-Djemba, Chadwick. Oh, and Karl Malden.

Wah wah waah! Dum. Dum. Dum. Wah wah waah! DUM. DUM. DUM!

This evening I settled down in front of my television, and decided to have a quick flick through the channels, see if anything good was on, before inevitably turning off and watching baseball on my computer instead. I hardly watch anything on TV, nowadays. And then I turned onto Channel 5, where a film was just starting. A film I hadn't seen before.

Il buono. Il brutto. Il cattivo.

Never heard of it? You might be surprised to know it's the 4th best film ever, according to IMDB's Top 250 List (which is an absolute clusterfuck of a list, but there you go). Of course, the smarter ones amongst you will already have worked out the English translation of that film.

The good. The bad. The fugly.

I settled down to watch 3 hours of Clint Eastwood-goodness. Oh my god, it's good. I mean, it's real good. It has pretty much everything I look for in a film - guns, explosions, whores...seriously though, the acting is great. The plot is great. The ending is great. There's a splash of morality in it. There's humour. There's iconic scenes. And there's guns, and explosions, and whores.

It almost earned a 10/10, but it will have to settle for a 9. There's a bit which drags, and doesn't really offer anything to the overall plot, and having read-up on it afterwards, it turns out it's jam-packed full with historical inaccuracies. But, that doesn't matter to me too much. The whole film reeks so hard of awesomeness it's scarcely believable. If you haven't watched it - seriously, treat yourself to the DVD, and set aside 3 hours to wallow in it's brilliance (and apart from the bit I mentioned earlier, the film just flies by). I'm off to get the iconic music as my mobile ringtone, and this picture as my desktop background.

And just whilst we're on films, I've seen Karl Malden has "passed", as the Americans say. RIP to him - he was pretty good in The Cincinnati Kid, one of my all-time faves.

Sleeper

If you've never seen it, Diane Keaton is gorgeous in that film. Anyway, I digress.

This is a blog entry, but it's also a cry for help. Since we've had a hot spell, I've really struggled to get to sleep at night. I have my window wide open (in case there's any nice robbers around), I'm not wearing much (hold that thought), I have a light duvet, I try and drink lots of water so I'm fully hydrated, but, it's not working. After thrashing around for most of the night, I'll get a few hours terrible sleep and no more. It doesn't help that my room seems to be like the Sahara desert all day at the moment, either.

So, does anyone have any tips/ideas they could share to help? All suggestions are welcome, whether sensible or humorous. Unless it's a jibe about Dido, than I'll hunt you down and stamp on your head.

Here comes the money!

Dolla Dolla

Dolla Dolla

Ching Ching

Bling Bling

Cut the Chatter

You ain't talking money

Then your talking don't matter

Ching Ching

Bling Bling

Pattin' Pockets

You make a dolla dolla

Can't a damn so stop it(?)

Uhhh

Well, quite. My interest in Wimbledon has now ended, as my favourite player hurt her leg and then burst into tears, which is scarily like my sporting career to date. So, it's back to the real world, and whilst browsing I found this story about 20p coins. I've had a browse through my wallet, and whilst I had one shiny 20p coin with the new design on one side, sadly when turned around it revealed the date 2008. I'll have to make my fortune in other ways - namely that idea I had of putting wipers on the front of F1 drivers helmets for when it's raining. It's foolproof that one, I tell you. Anyway, before savvy cashiers and bank clerks snap up all these coins, might be worth having a rummage around your loose change. And if you do have one, I want a share of the profit, okay?

The Obligatory MJ Post

Like so many other musicians, he wasn't going to fade away - on one hand I am completely shocked by this, but on the other hand I'm not. I suppose it was always going to end like this.

How will history see Michael Jackson? I don't know - I hope people will remember the music, like I will try and do, but the cloud will always linger over his name. Forever.

To convey my grief over his death, I contacted my pal E.J.Thribb, and asked him for a poem. He hasn't failed me:

So. Farewell then Michael Jackson

He who did Thriller

On the 25th June 2009

He suffered a cardiac arrest

And that turned out to be his killer

E.J.Thribb 17 1/2*

*If you wish to purchase any of Thribb's work, please visit www.ejthribbftw.com

The highs and lows of SW19

A real mixed day down at Wimbledon. First, a high. Ana Ivanovic survived two match points to progress through to Round 2. And no, I don't run that blog, but it is awfully useful for an obsessive like me. I watched the game thanks to the BBC website, and Ana was utter shite. She won't be around much longer. At Wimbledon, I mean. I'm not planning to kill her.

Next, a low. I don't like using this word (actually, I do, I love it) but some cunt from the Mirror thought he'd try and provoke a reaction from defeated Brit Anne Keothavong. He got it, sadly, and he got his story. I have to wonder who organises these press conferences - if I was in charge, I would have interjected immediately, and told him to ask something else, or leave. Every professional wants to win - none of them lose deliberately, and to heap that much pressure on a young girl's shoulders straight after a defeat is unacceptable, in my opinion. She's done well this year, and she just had a bad game. By going out there and giving her all, the only person she would let down is herself. I hope the guy is satisfied.

Another low is that 6 British players got knocked out today. Don't blame them, blame the grass roots of the game on these shores. And remember that Tim Henman had his own tennis court, and parents rich enough to fund private coaching for him, Greg Rusedski is Canadian, and Andy Murray has grown up in Spain. I don't have time here to analyse what the tennis bods need to do to change things, but change is needed, no matter how many tournaments Murray wins.

Finally, I have to finish on another low. I'm calling you out Celina Hinchcliffe. Not just you, though, every journalist who has ever done this. Watch this video between 0:37 - 1:00. Make sure you notice Ana's eyes glaze over, her smile get a little forced, and her standard reponse to this question. Yes, she has a standard response to this question, because she's heard it 6.7m times before from journalists. Yes, she's gorgeous, and she has male attention. I know that. You know that. She knows that. We all fricking know it. So do you think you could stop asking her about it now?

As she has pointed out to every journalist a million times before, she think it's nice, "every girl likes a compliment", but she wants people to notice her for her achievements on a tennis court. God knows why, she's shit at the moment, but that's what she wants. If there's any sports journalists reading - if you get to interview Ana, please ask her what her favourite biscuit is. Or whether she likes the film Casablanca or not. Anything, apart from "How does it feel to be fit?"