Thursday 23 July 2009

Enough of this bollocks

I'm annoyed, which is amusing considering Question Time is still 3 hours away. By the time it's finished, and I've been subjected to pillocks saying things like "illegal war", "Gordon Brown was not elected" and "bring back capital punishment" I'll be a snarling, enraged monster. And it's a political reason why I'm annoyed currently, because once again my local paper, The Shropshire Star, has decided to publish a letter by J Wendy Slark from Oswestry. Yeah, Slark, I'm calling you out!

J Wendy Slark has been a cancer on the Sloppy Star's letters page for many months now. Let's see what shit she has to say for herself today. What you're about to see goes as follows - Slark's letter will be in bold, my responses will be in this normal font. Apologies if there is swearing, a mere week after I told someone I would stop swearing on this blog after he showed it to his mother. HELLO LOIS! (waves)

The Braveheart who calls himself 'name and address supplied' once again says (Star, July 14th) "Our nation shamed by BNP views".

Many reasons why people send letters to papers anon. I've done it myself once. Doesn't make these people cowards, so frick off with your "Braveheart" jibe, Slark. Especially when they're not saying anything particularly controversial.

I would like to point out that this country has never been shamed by anything my family has done.

Glad to hear it. It's also irrelevant, as I believe Mr Anon was talking about the BNP, not your family? Let's stick with it...

My father is listed in the book of Flying Aces which says, quote: "A Flying Ace or fighter ace is a military aviator credited with shooting down several enemy aircraft during aerial combat..."

There's a bit more to the quote, but I'll not include it for length reasons. Funny that, though. I thought a Flying Ace was someone who was able to stick 4 peas up each of his nostrils.

He also was ordered the Military Cross and extremely extensive burns when his plane came down over France.

Congratulations to him, and he's a braver man than I ever could be. But what relevance does this have? Get on with it.

All the BNP members and supporters of an age physically fought the Germans. They are all entitled to an opinion on matters related.

I couldn't agree more! Let's have a glass of wine, eh, Slarkie? I've done you a misservice - you are absolutely right. No, hang on, there's more? Don't go a bit crazy on me now dear.

As regards the assertion that Nick Griffin and Mark Collett have not put their lives in danger in their fight for free speech for us all, truth can be found in the words of Geert Wilders on the BNP website.

Surprise surprise, that loony-bin turns up on the BNP website. So, what did he have to say? I'm looking forward to this.

The House of Lords invited him to talk to them but Jacqui Smith banned us from being able to see him. Where are our rights?

Sorry, you were meant to be talking about Mr Griffin and Mr Collett putting their lives in danger in their fight for free speech, using the words of Mr Wilders on your website. Please now do this.

If you would like to see the speech

I want to know what he said about Griffin and Collett putting their lives in danger in their fight for free speech, so I can laugh at you. You still haven't done it. Please now do this.

this brave resistance fighter

This attention-seeking, racist, crazy pillock.

made from the Land of the Free (USA) visit the site above.

Nobody has called the US that since 1904. And once again, I need to point out to you that we're patiently waiting for you to use what Mr Wilders said to (presumably) support your view that Mr Griffin and Mr Collett have put their lives in danger in their fight for free speech. You still haven't done this. Please now do this.

Mr Wilders is a very refined gentleman.

Debatable. And still not the point.

See if you think Jacqui Smith is a person to believe or are you appreciative of this man's courage and decency?

So much wrong with this I don't know where to start. Let's just simply say this - give me an example of him being courageous and decent, Slarkie. Just one.

(pause)

Oh, that's the end of your letter. Right.

It's not just this letter Slark, it's the barrels of bullshit I've read from you over the past few months. Just think how much ink and space you've used up with your misguided ramblings. I expect you'll get another letter published soon. I'll be here, Slarkie, ready and waiting. May as well bookmark this site right now, to be honest, because I'm gunning for you, you crazy fool.

2 comments:

  1. Ewar, I haven't laughed so much for ages - at this loon, and the way you've written it up. All local newspapers are magnets for people like this. Some people have fun with it: one of the Express and Star's regular letter-writers always uses the name of faded indie band drummers.

    I would take issue with you on one point though - hiding behind anonymity in letters is pretty poor unless your life's in danger.

    Do keep passing us Slarky's literary gems. We all need a laugh.

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  2. I'll tell you why I became Mr Anon when I wrote in - I was angry about some pillock who had pretty much defamed the (at the time) Labour PPC for Shrewsbury, who also happened to be a former teacher of mine, an acquaintance but also a genuinely decent and good guy. But I didn't want to put my name and for people to say "Oh, but he knows him, he's biased" and not to take my letter seriously.

    I'm also understanding of high-profile people who wish to make their points understood but not kick up a local press storm by disclosing their name and role.

    The writing style I used for that is borrowed from the best website ever, firejoemorgan.com although I'm a long way off those guys standard.

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