Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Are you ready to be...

...if you've just said the word "heartbroken" out loud after reading that title, congratulations! You win...nothing. Because in this instance, you're wrong. Are you ready to be bored, people? Of course you are, you're reading my blog. We all know this is what you do to pass some time once you've looked at the news, e-mail, all other blogs, pornography, the news from Norwegian elections. I know you, people. I know you.

Anyway, I want you to cast your mind back to a blog entry of mine a few weeks back, the link is handily here. If you can't be bothered to click on the link, a quick summary:

A man called Allan Tucker from Oswestry wrote a letter into The Sloppy Star saying, quite simply, that the Taliban are not "our lot" and that we should just leave them and exit from Afghanistan "pronto". I didn't agree, and I proceeded to make a few lame jokes and gently ridicule him. But I will give him credit though - his letter got across his point of view perfectly. He wants the troops to come home from Afghanistan, and his short, snappy letter left no doubt as to his feelings on this matter.

Congratulations Allan. What this means however is that the last thing you need to do is write another letter into the paper about Afghanistan. Seriously, why bother? There's no point. So you're not going to do that, are you? Are you? Oh, you are? Okay, cool.

What a fiasco the Afghan war is. We have been sucked into an imbroglio. Our part must end.

(end of letter)

You know that phone I have where I can phone anyone in history? I haven't used it for a while - I had to get it repaired after it melted whilst I was having phone sex with Fanny Hill. Anyway, I feel like phoning a Hollywood actor. Let's try.....Bill Murray!

(taps out unnecessarily long phone number)


"Mr Bill Murray sir! It is I, Ewar!"


"Are you okay, you sound a bit down?"

"No, I'm not okay. You see, I'm stuck in this weird world where every day seems to be exactly the same as the last. It's just the same old shit and I'm finding it difficult to cope!"

"Goodness Bill! I couldn't imagine anything like tha...(looks at paper) Actually...I hear you brother. Hang in there."


  1. Thanks for the reference to the Norwegian elections. Give the readers a link!

    heartbroken? That's a Camera Obscura reference - you have my respect sir!

  2. Are you ready to be heartbroken, if it is a reference to Camera Obscura is a reference to Camera Obscura making a reference to Lloyd Cole and the Commotions "Are you ready to be heartbroken?" (a far superior song by the way)

    Ah Vole - you need to learn your pop history instead of listening to all this bedwetting new indie that is about.

    (apologies Ewar for using your blog to mess with the Vole. I find it so hard to ignore his love of the jingle-jangle-i'm-crying-in-the-kitchen school of pop)

  3. Apology accepted Ben, as you are indeed correct. Lloyd Cole ftw. I've never heard of Camera Obscura!

  4. Plashing Vole loses 100 indie points.