Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Sloppy Sloppy Goodness

It's The Sloppy Star. It's Val Duncan from Telford. You know the drill.

A nationwide vote will be held if there is another European treaty, ministers have vowed.

Interesting. Well, thanks for that Val. Have a lovely Christmas, won't you?

Do they think we fell off a Christmas tree?

I very much doubt it, Val. Mainly because I can't think of one single occasion - real or fictional - where someone has fallen off a Christmas tree. Generally, it doesn't really tend to happen. Don't get me wrong- judging by the shit you write into the letters pages with every so often, there's a good chance you have suffered some kind of injury to the brain. Nevertheless, did it occur after falling off a Christmas tree? Not likely, know what I'm saying?

That would make a good episode of Corrie, though. Fuck tram crashes.

Do they think we don't know the Lisbon Treaty is self-amending?

Yes, did you not hear about this? An interesting new concept, where a written treaty amends itself. Yeah, it's clever like that. Think they borrowed the idea from Harry Potter, and then a team of nerds spent a year devising it. Pretty much like how my laptop automatically updates itself.

Are we not aware that the EU will take bits of power time after time until they get all they want?

Val's next paragraph may just be one of my favourite things ever written. Honestly. It is magnificent.

Then they can split our country into regions with a number already registered. England will probably become part of France under French rule.

Wow - and I mean that.

I've just sat here for 5 minutes pondering how to tackle this. I'm still not too sure, however what I will do is make an open appeal to the person who edits The Slop's letters page, right now:


I honestly think Val Duncan is mentally ill. For proof, please see the paragraph above. May I request that you seriously re-consider publishing her letters in the future? It is only embarrassing her family.

Kind regards,


For pity's sake stop thinking you are all so clever and everyone believes you...because they don't.

End of letter. Another classic, Val.


I have a problem here, Val. Because in a previous letter you wrote into The Slop, you said, AND I QUOTE, this:

"By this time next year there will probably not be a Westminster Parliament or any need for one."

How do I know you said this Val? Because I wrote a blog post, just like this one, about your letter from which that paragraph came from. Said blog post can be found here:

When did I write that blog entry? Why, it appears to be Sunday, 23rd August 2009. Which, by my basic maths, means your statement of:

"By this time next year there will probably not be a Westminster Parliament or any need for one."

is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Which is why, Val, as soon as I finish this blog entry, I will be e-mailing in a letter of my own to The Shropshire Star. Will they print it? I don't know. Probably not. But just in case they don't, here's the gist of my letter:

Now that I've proved that you are WRONG, I want a public apology, particularly for anyone who was naive enough to be misled by your outlandish statement. Also, now that everyone can see you are WRONG, I ask that you stop embarrassing yourself. Stop writing in with these ridiculous letters which the majority of people point at and laugh, and do something else instead. That is all.

Hear that sound, Val? That's the sound of a gauntlet being thrown down, love.


  1. Oh Dear – In Shropshire a lot of people use the phrase –‘must have fallen out of the ugly tree’, but not the Christmas tree.
    Val must have fallen off of the silly tree to make comments and predictions like that. (Probably has a side line as a clairvoyant)
    Fancy being worried about the European treaty; there are far more serious matters to worry about like student tuition fees.

  2. I really, really hope they print your letter.

  3. And the comment code word for the previous post was 'bolockli', which I think is significant.