EU must be joking!

Guess what kids? Val Duncan from Wellington is back! Let's see if she's changed since her last effort. Clue: She hasn't.

I was once a firm royalist until I found out the Queen had willingly signed six treaties to sell us off to Europe. Why?

Okay. Let's take a deep breath, and tackle this sensibly:

• The European Communities Act (1972) enabled the UK to accede into the European Community and incorporated European Community Law into our legal system.
• The Single European Act (1986) seeked to establish a common market by the end of 1992.
• The Maastricht Treaty (1992) effectively formed the EU, and created the Euro.
• The Amsterdam Treaty (1997) was a biggie, relatively speaking. It enabled increased power for the European Parliament, and the formation of the CFSP.
• The Nice Treaty (2001) reformed the EU, including modifying the weighting of votes cast.
• The Lisbon Treaty (2007) has not been fully endorsed yet, but it intends to change the workings of the EU, creating a President of the EC and increased involvement of the European Parliament.

God, that was boring. The point is, I don't think any of those treaties have "sold us off to Europe." A bigger involvement in the EU, more influence for the European Parliament and a larger sense of a Europe-wide community - sure. But we're still our own little island, aren't we? It wasn't Europe who beat Australia in the Ashes, and the last time I looked England still had a national football team (albeit with an Italian manager!).

Anyway, why the Euro hate? I love the Eurovision, I love some of the beautiful cities (as does Voley, clearly), I love the Swedish women...

Blimey, that was all a bit serious, wasn't it? Time to non-think!

Is her German ancestry getting the better of her at last?

I don't know why, but I find that sentence strangely racist. Maybe it's just me.

Does she want to go into history as the last serving monarch of the once Great Britain?

She quite clearly won't. What are you talking about? No-one has said otherwise?

We may never have another government because you can't have a government unless you are a country, as a state we have no country and we are ruled by the EU Commission.

I'm trying to think up something funny to say here but I'm struggling. The last time I looked, England was still a country, and our legislature was still our Parliament. When did we suddenly become ruled by the EU Commission?

You can't have a monarch if you have no kingdom, a state has no kingdom. What is going on here?

You're asking me!

There was an article today on Sky about drugs being out of stock. Are the big pharmaceutical giants putting sanctions on us to stop us trying to pull out of the EU?

I can't find that on the Sky News website. And I'm not sure pharmaceutical companies have that much influence, do they? Goodness, sorry, this is a bit heavy and serious isn't it? The problem here is that this letter is nonsense, but not quite silly enough to completely ridicule.

Maybe we should stop fighting other countries and join forces with them, it appears we may have a mutual enemy in the World Food Organisation, the Bilderberg Group and the European Union.

Let's stop fighting the Taliban, and join forces with them to tackle....the World Food Organisation. Right. And I wouldn't worry too much about the Bilderbergs - they meet once a year, and the only reason everyone gets awfully excited about them is because we don't know what they talk about. Probably tits and football, like all other blokes.

It's a rotten world out there and it's time we made a noise about it.

(end of letter)

Go and have a lie-down Val, I don't want you worrying yourself all the time like this!

Things to worry about: Murderers, rapists, paedophiles, maniacs, nuclear weaponry, North Korea. Those last three are neatly tied together.

Things not to worry about: World Food Organisation.

Sorry folks, I realise this hasn't been too funny - perhaps I'm losing my touch. C'mon Slarkie - give me some decent ammo!