Thursday, 27 May 2010

Sloppy Star Spectacular!

Oh, how I've been waiting for a day like this. Yesterdays letters page into The Shropshire Star was crammed full of nonsense. So whilst I wait patiently for Ana Ivanovic's 2nd round match at Roland Garros to start*, let's take a look at this clusterfuck of...well...fuck.

We start with Alwyn Cox from Oswestry, who I think you'll agree is a little star. Amusingly, I actually agree with his letter today, but its his anger over trivial, inane issues like this, writing a letter to a local newspaper about them and his general OTT nature that just makes me laugh. Let's have it:

The sunny weather does strange things to some people.

Tru dat bro.

Take for example the anabolic steroid freaks.


Have you noticed how the minute the weather warms up they have a compulsive urge to walk around with naked torsos?

Freaks. Even better though are the lovely ladies in their summer clothes. Yesterday I saw a gorgeous woman wearing a low cut top, and her breas (this is irrelevant! Stop - Ed.)

Then their arms go akimbo

What a GREAT word.

and they sort of twitch their triceps and biceps.

Sort of. Maybe. Not sure.

This twitching only seems to happen as they are walking past shop windows and their eye muscles are drawn to their reflections. I thought anabolic steroids only affected their genitals,

Steady on!

but it seems that I am wrong because it obviously affects both their brain cells as well.

Ah Alwyn, you do make me laugh. Keep on writing in. Let's move swiftly on...

There's an old (fictional, no doubt) tale of a woman on a bus who is getting agitated by a man near her whistling. After a few moments she goes to the conductor and complains. "Well, what can I do about that, madam?" he enquires, to which she replies "Make him stop! At the very least, make him stop whistling that rude song!"

Okay, my Dad tells that story in a more amusing manner. But let's keep that in mind when looking at this letter from W F Kerswell from Picklescott:

The new Olympic mascots resemble some sort of sex toys. They look cheap and nasty. I am not alone in thinking that the smutty little one eyed snakes are not suitable mascots for the Olympics and should be banned before they cause offence or ridicule.

Would love to trawl through your mind my friend! I think they are quite cool, myself.

You want more? Oh, I have more. Courtesy of W H J Williams from Welshpool!

Is there a competition between Cameron and Clegg when giving interviews or speeches?


It's in the national interest to know.


If so I think Cameron is winning this one.


So does this mean he gets to stay as senior partner?


Some readers off (sic) this letter could reply that they don't agree.


(end of letter)


And finally...there's a letter which isn't amusing at all - in fact its one of those "thankyou to those lovely NHS people who helped me" letters which are obviously splendid. However this particular letter was sent in from:

Ursula Cock

Yes, I'm childish. But I can't help hoping that her surname is actually "Cook" and life has imitated art:

I love "Curb" far too much. And that, my friends, was your Sloppy Star round-up for now!

*I started this blog entry yesterday and then saved it overnight. Ana lost :(

1 comment:

  1. I thought some of the people who wrote to my local paper were a bit mental!

    Great blog post, sir.