Big news, dear reader - I've just been offered a part in Woody Allen's new movie. I'll be playing Lord SWT Snotrocket, and we start filming in Zurich on the 17th of May.
Not really! April Fool's! ZOMG! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!one!!!
Sorry for being a grumpy old git, but April 1st just depresses me. I find myself searching about 10 different news websites, just to check that what I'm reading is actually accurate, or a 'hilarious' joke. The thing is, they never are funny. Looking at bbc.co.uk, I assume the Stephen Fry 'shark-whale' sighting is their attempt. Yeah, great. And how about these two football related ones:
Wolves chief executive Jez Moxey is in talks to star in the next series of Strictly Come Dancing, alongside Hungarian sensation Lora Pliof. (Wolves official website)
US President Barack Obama will travel to Eastbourne Borough's Blue Square Premier game against Ebbsfleet on Saturday, in order to watch his cousin Achtog Laprifolo play for Borough. (Eastbourne official website)
Seriously, what's the point? "Achtog Laprifolo", for fucks sake.
Either try and be convincing, or don't bother at all. Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley has got his spot on, however - making Alan Shearer their manager! Now that's a good one Mike, really funny. Wait, what, you mean it's not a joke?!