But for now I wish to look at a letter that was sent into Wednesday's Sloppy Star. Bit of a change of theme here folks - it's not about the EU, nor Afghanistan, nor the BNP. It's about something far more important than those issues, and is something that particularly applies to the people of Shropshire. Let's have a look at the title of your letter, A Harrison from Mucky Wenlock!
X Factor judge Cowell should change name
Are you excited? I'm excited!
Spot on Shirley.
I've no idea what the start to his letter means, but insert your own "Airplane" based joke here.
When X Factor judge Simon Cowell failed to dismiss the twins, John and Edward, after slating them week after week, shows when push comes to shove, he chickens out. Perhaps his name should be changed to Simon Coward.
What you did there - I see it.
In not dismissing the Deadwoods
What you did there - I see it.
he got rid of the best female singer, Lucie Jones (Stacey Solomon has no chance).
YOU HEAR THAT, SOLOMON? Fuck off, yeah? You have literally no chance, you tone-deaf bitch. Forget the fact that Paddy Power, William Hill, Ladbrokes all have you second favourite in the betting. Might as well walk before you're pushed, honey. IT IS OVER.
Could it be that after female singers winning the last two shows there is a vacancy for a male singer this year?
I'll address this in a bit. Mainly because you're stumbling on the point, but you're not quite there.
If one does win I wonder who will sign him up?
No need to wonder anymore Mr Harrison! The answer is Simon Cowell.
It makes you wonder if the whole show is rigged.
It is. Now that you've finished your letter Mr Harrison, make yourself a cup of tea and pull a chair up. I need to explain a few things to you.
When I was at primary school I had a friend who's parents were divorced. He lived with his Mum down on the South Coast, whilst his Dad lived and worked in London. He worked "in TV", and his job was mainly to recruit people to appear on various TV programmes. Most of the time these people were part-time actors looking to make a few quid. I remember having a good laugh with him when Vanessa Feltz got in trouble for having actors on her "agony aunt" show, as he knew more than anyone else that all similar shows at the time were doing exactly the same.
That was late-90s, but the con still goes on. Channel 5 quiz 'Brainteaser' was taken off air after they had a "viewer" phone in to win some cash, who just happened-oops!-to be someone who worked behind the scenes on the show. Even the hallowed 'Blue Peter' got in trouble a few years back for ignoring a public vote and calling their new cat what they wanted it to be called.
What's the point I'm trying to make here, you wonder? Well, the point is that TV is an interesting medium, as most times what you see certainly isn't what you get. And that leads me back onto X-Factor. I absolutely hate the programme, as I can see through it.
It is nothing more than a money spinning machine for Simon Cowell, who preys on young people's hopes and dreams with scant regard for them or their careers. Mr Harrison, you are wrong in thinking that as females have won the show these past few years, it has to be a male this time around. The winner of the X-Factor this year will be the artist who can make Simon Cowell the most money. Male, female, alien, wookie, whoever. Please don't think the phone vote makes any difference either. Simon Cowell will pick the winner, as Simon Cowell does not give a shit about you. And once he's made his money being the producer of the X-Factor, and he's milked the artist for as much as he can, he won't give a shit about them either.
Sad, isn't it? And it won't change until you all do the right thing - turn that shit off.