Sunday, 18 July 2010

Daily Express Scum

I never buy newspapers. I'm part of the "internet generation" - I get my news from websites, from Twitter, from rolling news channels. Spending a bit of money everyday on a newspaper seems a bit odd to me. The only ones I read are the Metro (free, and only when I'm on a train) and The Sloppy Star (parents pay for). Thanks to people like me, newspapers have changed. They no longer report the news, as it's impossible for them to be the first source of news, so they now offer opinion with a healthy dose of bias attached.

One particular newspaper that always infuriates me is The Daily Express - why my mother buys it I do not know. Shit Diana "news". Shit sports section. Shit football writers. Shit hippie horoscopes man and so much more. However, their front page the other day really did take the piss, even for them:

Let Ewar be honest with you here for a second, for Ewar has had his heart (alliteration!) captured by a Polish girl who works at a nearby train station. And Ewar hasn't seen her for a few months, as university has finished for the year and so Ewar thinks she's gone back to Poland for the summer holidays, and Ewar now presumes she spends every night with a young Polish man better looking and with a bigger manhood than him. And that makes Ewar sad, and a little cranky, especially when seeing shit like this on a national newspapers front page.

There is literally no chance of this happening, but for this blog entry let's pretend that Ewar and our mysterious Polish girl get married and have a baby. Let's call him Xavier Woowar III.

Now, by my crude calculations that makes little Xavier 50% English, and 50% Polish.

Except my Gran is Irish, which means that now Xavier is about 5% Irish, 45% English, and 50% Polish.

But my family originate from Scotland. So that makes Xavier 5% Irish, 40% English and 5% Scottish. And 50% Polish.


The point I'm labouring dreadfully here is that all of us, in some way, have a really quite varied and interesting cocktail of ethnicity pulsing through our veins. This is where that awful scumbag Nick Griffin trips up, when he states that he wants all non-indigenous people out of the country, but then cant quite justify that statement by actually saying who is indigenous and who isn't. Instead, it's up to members of his party to claim that Kelly Holmes, with her darker skin, isn't properly British. But that's the BNP, and we expect that from them. Despite being cretinous for so many years, I didn't expect this nonsense from a national newspaper.

1 in 5 Britons will be ethnics? No - 5 in 5 Britons are ethnics, and always will be. This country was built on immigration.

The headline also insinuates that there's something wrong with being an "ethnic". Considering that they clearly don't understand we all are in some way, maybe they're referring to those funny little brown people, or those horrid Polish lot who come over here, take our jobs and our women.

In his excellent Labour PPB, the comedian and all-round good egg Eddie Izzard said this:

"You know what - Britain is bloody brilliant. I take great offence that the Tories are slagging off Britain in saying its broken."

I agree. Maybe I'm not so much from the "internet generation" but from the "multi-cultural generation". My Dad can remember a time before we had pasta, curries, Chinese food, and before there were any people of West Indian descent in the country. All that has changed now - we live in a multi-cultural society and I for one sodding love it.

The fact that we now have a choice of foods from different cultures, the fact that we have a West Indian aisle in my local Tesco store, the fact that a Polish girl can come over and study at one of our universities. I love all that, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Shame on you, Daily Express. Please take your small-minded racist claptrap elsewhere.


  1. Top quality writing. I laughed, and felt sad for you.
    The Express is the Mail for people with a limited vocabulary. But at least it's circulation's dropping fast.

  2. Well said sir.

    As for your romantic dilemma... May I suggest the use of a clever chat up line. Something a bit 'cool' like "So... where do you like to a get a train to on your days off?" You know, something dead sophisticated like that.