Tuesday, 12 January 2010


Let's tackle the last one of these "reader blog ideas" that was sent in, this time courtesy of the lovely Sue. Let's see what she wishes for me to tackle:

Sue's Blog said...


Right. Just one second....(goes off to dictionary.com)

Oh right, I see. Well, the first thing that has sprung to my mind regarding this topic is a ghastly set of books called 'Animorphs' which were everywhere a few years back when I was at school. I think CBBC then made a TV series based on them. Some of my friends liked them, whereas I thought they were shit.

If I could turn into any animal? Hmm, a tricky one. Dolphins, I believe, are the only mammals that enjoy sex. Apart from humans, of course, although I find it more uncomfortable than enjoyable. Perhaps I would like to be an animal that hibernates through the winter, and wakes up in time for my favourite season, Spring.

I would love to be a bird though - to soar through the skies, looking down upon the towns, and the countryside, and the sea, without a care in the world. But I'd also like to be a lion, the King of all animals. I honestly can't decide.

Of course, transmogrification just doesn't apply to animals - it is the changing in appearance or form. That reminds me in turn of a character called Eugene Tooms in the marvellous TV series The X-Files, who could mutate his body at will. Whilst I don't wish to murder people, that function would perhaps come in handy when, say, rescuing golf balls from when I've whacked them into hedges, streams etc.

It's an interesting topic, if nothing else. What animal would YOU be, dear reader?

Thanks for the suggestion Sue!


  1. Calvin (as in Calvin and Hobbes) had a Transmogrifier, when it wasn't a time machine. He turned himself into Hobbes, a lungfish, and also produced multiples of himself. It was very amusing.

  2. Hi Ewar,
    I don’t fancy being an animal, but I would love to be a tabloid journalist, with the ability to transmogrify into a tiny omniscient object that could fly into the homes of the powerful and famous and see what really goes on – then report all the salacious and gory details in my paper.

  3. You mean a la Harry Potter stylie Sue with the bint in the horned-rimmed glasses? (It's sad that I can remember that, although thank God I can't remember her name).

    I'd like to be a swan I think, although I'm not sure there's anything poetic or beautiful about being killed by fishing wire.

    Or maybe there is. Meh. Way to bring down a jovial post -.-'

  4. That's what I do hltoffy - write 'jovial posts'.

    And the bint in question is Rita Skeeter, no?

  5. Is it too late to say that baboons enjoy sex (if you leave a baboon alone long enough it will try to have sex with its food dish. Also bonobo society is largely organised via sexual gratification and reciprocation.

    Not that I know anything about monkey sex really of course. One just picks these things up.

    Can I just specify that I pick up facts and not monkeys.

    Does making that definition make me look less or more weird?

    I'm going to go now.

    On my own.

    Without any monkeys.

    Although bonobos are technically apes of course.

    Like humans.

    Though obviously not like humans.

    Not like humans at all.