The Joys of August

I am going on holiday. For a week I will not have internet access, so I'll either have a lovely break - spending time with my family, reading, walking and seeing the sights - or I'll start climbing the walls and go mad. Let me put it this way - if the cottage doesn't have a dartboard, I riot.

So I'm busy packing today. First up, books. I feel I need to take quite a few, and take a variety of styles. I've gone for:

The Damned United - David Peace (I'm halfway through it. I don't like it much so far, annoyingly)
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Thanks for Nothing - Jack Dee
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Awkward Situations for Men - Danny Wallace
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

And a collection of short stories by Jeffery Deaver.

I would take some DVDs as well, but I think there's only one TV and doubt there's a DVD player. So I'll take a Clint Eastwood collection just in case.

Okay, so then we have the obvious stuff - clothes, toiletries, wallet, tablets, phone.

The not-so-obvious stuff:

My baseball.
Digital radio.
Crib board.
Crossword dictionary.
Little screwdriver for my glasses.
My Guinness rugby stress ball.
My Badly Drawn Boy-esque hat.
PSP and charger.
One pack of playing cards.
One pack of playing cards for magic tricks.
My 11-in-1 multi-functional tool.
Pad of paper and pens.
My trusty copy of Baseball Prospectus 2010.
Multi-vitamin sweets.
My encyclopaedia.

Well, I think that's everything. Hey guys, thanks for helping me pack!

God bless you all.



PS. There's nothing left in the house worth stealing, so don't go getting any ideas.

Odds and Ends

Sorry for the slight lapse from blogging, it's a strangely busy time at the moment here. A brief spot of respite however gives me the chance to tidy up a few loose ends.

1) I've gained a new blog follower, which I'm very pleased about. Andee runs an excellent blog, a blog which I happened to stumble upon one night. You can find it here:

http://andeeoutofafrica.blogspot.com/

and it's well worth a read/follow. I really respect people that strive to make a difference, especially when it involves sacrifice and incredible dedication. Thanks for the follow, Andee, and please keep doing what you're doing - I enjoy reading your site a lot.

2) I've started up a new blog. Relax! Tim Lovejoy isn't going anywhere. No sir!

A few days ago, I wrote a short story, and it amazed me how much a) I enjoyed writing it and b) How easily the story flowed from my brain onto the screen. It made me ponder just how many short stories and works of fiction I've got stored up in my brain, waiting to be unleashed. So I've created a blog, dedicated exclusively to any fictional scribblings I jot down. You can find it here:

http://patricksmyopicmusings.blogspot.com/

It probably won't be updated as regularly as this blog, but I'm hoping that once it's up and running I'll be publishing works of fiction by other people (some of you guys, for sure) as well as myself. More on that in the future, I'm sure.

3) Project Alniro (see last blog entry) is ticking along, and we've had a few good responses. Nevertheless progress has been slightly slower than expected - I didn't realise just what a big number 200 was. I now realise that's an awful lot of celebrities, and an awful lot of tweets.

So this is an open appeal - if you would like to join Project Alniro, please drop me a line. I can send you all the info you need, and keep you informed of who to tweet, when. The more people involved, the quicker we can get it done and dusted. You don't have to have a Twitter account, or even like Twitter, I can sort all that out for you. Please do get in touch if you're interested.

4) I think that's everything. Stay classy, yeah?

Project Alniro #1

There are some questions in life that fascinate me. Questions that split opinion. That leave grown men genuinely undecided. That make you give one answer, then wake up the next day and give the other. Questions such as:

• Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal?
• The Office or Phoenix Nights?
• David Dickinson or Tim Wonnacott?
• How are babies made?

In answer to those - Federer. Phoenix Nights. Tim Wonnacott (OBVIOUSLY). No idea.

One of these questions that has puzzled mankind for many a year is, of course, the classic - Marmite or Bovril? Long-term readers of my blog will remember this, but for those of you who have joined in the fun and games here in the past 12 months, let me recap for you:

In August, 2009, Dan and I decided one night to think up a question and send it to Kristen Bell on Twitter. You know Kristen Bell, right? Veronica Mars? Heroes? Forgetting Sarah Marshall? So I tweeted her a stupid question, and then sighed - she wouldn't answer, and even if she did, it would probably be about a week later.

She replied 15 minutes later. And that got us thinking - because if Kristen Bell, a Hollywood starlet, could reply to a stupid question within minutes from a mere mortal like me, how much more fun could we have with Twitter? So we decided to put out the legendary "Marmite or Bovril" question to as many celebrities as we could. We had a decent response, amazingly - Jonathan Ross, Katherine Jenkins, Dave Gorman, Andi fucking Peters amongst others. To see all the responses, please do see here.

Fast forward 12 months, to right now, August 2010. The boredom of the university summer break has yet again set in, and so we decided to give another Twitter project a whirl. But this time, bigger. Better. More intense. You see, what I've noticed is that in the past 12 months, Twitter has really taken off. So much so, that when Dan and I went through the lists of who we follow, we ended up with just over 200 "celebrities". How about that for a nice, big sample size?

And so we needed a suitable question. Last year, we tweeted William Shatner the Marmite/Bovril conundrum. He didn't reply, the cunt, but that may be because as a North American, living in North America, he didn't understand what we were going on about. So this time around, we realised that our question had to be one that men and women of all ages, and all nationalities, could wrestle with. And then one night it came to me:

Al Pacino or Robert De Niro?

It's a very tough one, as I love both. It's probably De Niro, but in my mind he loses points for those dreadful comedy films he did with Ben Stiller and Barbra Streisand. Not cool, Bobby! Al Pacino is amazingly consistent - there aren't many bad Pacino films/performances, but perhaps he lacks the sheer number of all-time outstanding movies that De Niro has appeared in.

Al Pacino:

• Scarface
• Carlito's Way
• The Godfather I and II
• Scent of a Woman
• The Devil's Advocate
• Any Given Sunday

Robert De Niro:

• Mean Streets
• The Godfather II
• Taxi Driver
• The Deer Hunter
• Raging Bull
• Once Upon A Time in America

As I said, it's probably De Niro, but it's well worth asking the question. Which is what, over the next few days/weeks, we're going to do. On our list we have 203 celebrities - not all of them will reply, sadly, but we're hoping for a healthy return and a close run contest.

In my next blog post I'll be posting all the replies from the celebrities who have been kind enough to reply. If however you do want to follow the project as we go along, you can follow the madness over at the Twitter page we've set up for it: http://www.twitter.com/ProjectAlniro

We're starting today, and we're starting with A. First up is Chris Addison. Let the great debate begin!

The Green Mile

The other day I read on Facebook someone's opinion on Ian Huntley. In case you're not aware, there's a handy summary of the recent developments in his case here.

This persons opinion was, and I quote:

"He should have been strung up by his bollocks for what he did to those girls!"

Yes, well, you see, no.

I'll talk in a moment about why I think this attitude, and the death penalty in general, is completely wrong. But first, get a mug of cocoa, and put your feet up, because I'm about to tell you a story...

St.Louis, Missouri, 1989, and for the married couple Patricia and David Stallings, life was tremendous. They had just moved into their dream home, and had also just had their first child together - a baby boy named Ryan. But it's what happened to Ryan that turned Patricia's life from blissful happiness into a living nightmare.

Because Ryan got sick - really sick. When the doctors at the local hospital performed tests on him, they found that his body contained dangerously high levels of ethylene glycol - a substance most commonly found in antifreeze. Hospital officials were concerned that Ryan had been poisoned, by his parents, so the case was referred to the Missouri Family Services and Ryan was first placed in protective custody, and then placed in a foster home.

Patricia and David were allowed to visit Ryan once a week, and it was after one of these visits that things got serious. Because four days after Patricia visited him (a visit where she fed him out of a bottle brought with her) Ryan fell ill again, with the exact same symptoms as before -which the doctors believed could only have been caused by poisoning. And then Ryan died.

"Don't speculate that 5 month old Ryan Stallings died of natural causes" the prosecutor told the jury. "You might as well speculate that some little man from Mars came down and shot him full of some mysterious bacteria."

"Don't try to understand why Patricia Stallings poisoned her child by feeding him from a baby bottle laced with antifreeze" he told them. "The point is she did it. Only she could have done it. Only she would've done it."

On the count of first degree murder, the jury found her guilty. Patricia Stallings was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

How could a mother do that to her son? Well, in this particular case, she didn't. Patricia Stallings was innocent - I'm not going to include the rest of the story here, but if you want to know the rest (and it's well worth a read) the case is summarised here.

Downstairs on our bookcase we have a book entitled "Dead on Time". I've not read it, admittedly, but the caption that runs along the bottom of the front cover states:

'How and why Barry George executed Jill Dando'

Unfortunately for the author, it looks like Barry George didn't. His conviction for the murder was quashed 6 years after his initial sentencing, due to new evidence being put forward.

As I'm sure you've twigged by now, the point I'm making here is that if the death penalty was recommended in both of those instances, two innocent people would have lost their lives. Of course, in the US the death penalty is still in operation in many states, which to me begs the question of how many innocent people have been wrongly executed over the years, and how many will be in future years.

I mention future years because the death penalty hasn't curbed crime. California has it, and I wouldn't walk around Los Angeles at night-time. Ditto for large parts of Texas. I can't understand how anyone can look at the figures regarding the numbers on the death rows in every US state that still has the death penalty, and then claim it's a deterrent.

You hear a lot nowadays about referendums. "GIVE US A REFERENDUM ON THE EURO!" "ON THE LISBON TREATY!" "ON AFGHANISTAN!"

I'm suspicious of referendums, mainly because I have a horrible feeling that, without sounding arrogant, the majority of people in this country are fucking thick. "The tyranny of the majority", as de Tocqueville said, scares the shit out of me. I'm convinced if there was a referendum about the death penalty, the majority would vote for it.

And that brings me back to how I started this blog entry. A Facebook search for "Ian Huntley" produces some interesting, and frankly disturbing results:

"I'm a fan of the prisoner who cut Ian Huntley's throat" - 14,000 people like this

"Join if you think Ian Huntley needs more than his throat cut" - 9,000 people like this

"DAMIAN FOWKES IS A LEDGEND 4 TRY TO KILL IAN THE MURDERING FUKER HUNTLEY" - 165 members

Those are just three groups, there are literally hundreds more of the same ilk. I'm not going to talk about Ian Huntley here - there's no point. We all know what he did, we all know what he is. But putting my feelings towards the man himself aside - a barbaric act against him cannot be justified - whether thats executing him or what happened to him in prison.

"That man committed a barbaric act so we should now commit a barbaric act on him" doesn't wash with me. And that's what this:

"He should have been strung up by his bollocks for what he did to those girls!"

effectively would be.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

Mahatma Gandhi, (attributed)
Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 - 1948)

The Unofficial World Cup Sweepstake 2010 #2

Thanks to all of you reading this who took part in the World Cup sweepstake that myself and Dan conducted both on here and on Twitter. Of course, there can only be one winner, and I'm delighted to announce that The Plashing Vole, esteemed educational enforcer (alliteration!) at The Hegemon proved triumphant thanks to the Spanish conquering the world. And so we had to give him his prize, which if you remember was a "gift box" full of old tat that neither of us wanted any more.

This prize-giving ceremony took place today, and was a lot of fun. Meeting up with Dan at The Hegemon, our first task was to find a suitable place to make up the gift-box. We needed a table and some space, so where better to go than an empty lecture room? This enabled us to have a good platform for which to a) stuff the box as neatly as we could, and then b) decorate the box in the special way we had planned.

Dan took a few photos, which you can sample here:

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2lup6pf&s=3

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=muxvmr&s=3

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2v33n11&s=3

Voley accepted the box graciously - even the England flag I snuck in there. To see his take on things, please clicky linky here. We'll do it all again for Euro 2012...

My Scribblings 2/4

Not much to blog about at the moment, so here's Part 2 of my writings for you all to hopefully enjoy. This piece is an article that was published in the university magazine, Crywolf. It's about two brothers who play in the NFL, but I tried to write the piece to appeal to people who aren't fans of American football and to make it a bit more interesting than the standard biographies you read:

Here's a question for you to mull over for a few minutes – how many sporting siblings can you name? Okay, so there's some obvious ones - Venus and Serena Williams, Gary and Phil Neville, Steve and Mark Waugh etc. But how many of you, upon reading the question, immediately thought of Eli and Peyton Manning? If you didn't, let me tell you a little bit about them.

For 13 years, Archie Manning was a commanding NFL QB (Quarterback), spending most of his career with the New Orleans Saints. However, Archie is perhaps more famous for his actions off the field, rather than on it. In 1976, he fathered his second son, Peyton, followed 5 years later by his youngest son Eli, two events which have gone on to have a significant impact on the game of American Football.

Throughout his NFL career, the New York Giants QB Eli Manning has been heavily criticised by many, and spoken in unfavourable terms compared to other QBs, in particular his elder brother. In this author's opinion, that's an unfair reflection on a young player who has simply got better as each year passes. In his first full year with the Giants, 2005, he led them to the divisional title and thus the play-offs, where they were defeated by the Carolina Panthers in the first round.

Another play-off experience for Eli was to follow a year later, although once again it ended abruptly with an early defeat, this time to the Eagles of Philadelphia. After two bitter disappointments pressure began to build on the Giants, none more so than on Manning. After losing against rivals the Dallas Cowboys, the Giants co-owner John Mara wondered out loud whether Manning would ever be capable of leading the Giants to the NFL promised land – the Super Bowl.

As an NFL QB, you are the spearhead of your team's offense, and are regarded as the figurehead of the playing staff, and your salary should reflect this. However, with such privileges come responsibilities. If things go wrong, you are the fall-guy, and the media will target you before any other. Add into consideration the fervour and intensity of the NFL, particularly in New York, and it would have been understandable to have thought that Eli Manning was going to crumble under the spotlight.

However, any doubts Mara or any others had were erased a few months later, as the Giants managed to hold off the previously undefeated New England Patriots 17-14 to win an incredibly eventful Super Bowl XLII. After throwing two crucial TDs (Touchdowns) in the 4^th and final quarter of the game, Manning was awarded the MVP (Most Valuable Player) of the game, and took a step towards being seen in the same light as his brother, plying his trade 600 miles to the west of New York. Sadly for Eli however, he'll need to take plenty more steps like that to catch up with the man who is not only his brother, but the greatest QB of his generation.

It's difficult to talk about Peyton Williams Manning without simply listing his achievements earned throughout his majestic NFL career. The QB for the Indianapolis Colts, he is their all-time leader in Career wins, Touchdowns, Completed Passes and Passing Yards. Despite only being 33, he has already been selected for the Pro Bowl team (the NFL all-star game) nine times, and has won the MVP of the NFL season a joint-record three times, tying him with the great Brett Favre. And in case you were beginning to think that little brother Eli had done something Peyton hadn't, think again – he was named the MVP of Super Bowl XLI, the year before his brother repeated the trick.

He may be five years older than his brother, but Peyton shows no signs of slowing down just yet – at the time of writing, the Colts are now standing at 10-0 for the 2009 season, and with the Saints are the proud co-owners of unblemished records so far. How much longer can he dominate? Will he win another MVP, or reach another Super Bowl? Those are difficult questions to answer, however what isn't is the question about Peyton and the NFL Hall of Fame – he may as well try on his suit for his induction speech right now.

With the Colts unbeaten and the Giants 6-4 currently, it's clear that both Mannings are sticking around for a little while longer and are once again aiming to drive their clubs to the play-offs. If they ever bump into him, Colts and Giants fans might be advised to buy Archie Manning a beer.

Daily Express Scum

I never buy newspapers. I'm part of the "internet generation" - I get my news from websites, from Twitter, from rolling news channels. Spending a bit of money everyday on a newspaper seems a bit odd to me. The only ones I read are the Metro (free, and only when I'm on a train) and The Sloppy Star (parents pay for). Thanks to people like me, newspapers have changed. They no longer report the news, as it's impossible for them to be the first source of news, so they now offer opinion with a healthy dose of bias attached.

One particular newspaper that always infuriates me is The Daily Express - why my mother buys it I do not know. Shit Diana "news". Shit sports section. Shit football writers. Shit hippie horoscopes man and so much more. However, their front page the other day really did take the piss, even for them:

Let Ewar be honest with you here for a second, for Ewar has had his heart (alliteration!) captured by a Polish girl who works at a nearby train station. And Ewar hasn't seen her for a few months, as university has finished for the year and so Ewar thinks she's gone back to Poland for the summer holidays, and Ewar now presumes she spends every night with a young Polish man better looking and with a bigger manhood than him. And that makes Ewar sad, and a little cranky, especially when seeing shit like this on a national newspapers front page.

There is literally no chance of this happening, but for this blog entry let's pretend that Ewar and our mysterious Polish girl get married and have a baby. Let's call him Xavier Woowar III.

Now, by my crude calculations that makes little Xavier 50% English, and 50% Polish.

Except my Gran is Irish, which means that now Xavier is about 5% Irish, 45% English, and 50% Polish.

But my family originate from Scotland. So that makes Xavier 5% Irish, 40% English and 5% Scottish. And 50% Polish.

And...and...

The point I'm labouring dreadfully here is that all of us, in some way, have a really quite varied and interesting cocktail of ethnicity pulsing through our veins. This is where that awful scumbag Nick Griffin trips up, when he states that he wants all non-indigenous people out of the country, but then cant quite justify that statement by actually saying who is indigenous and who isn't. Instead, it's up to members of his party to claim that Kelly Holmes, with her darker skin, isn't properly British. But that's the BNP, and we expect that from them. Despite being cretinous for so many years, I didn't expect this nonsense from a national newspaper.

1 in 5 Britons will be ethnics? No - 5 in 5 Britons are ethnics, and always will be. This country was built on immigration.

The headline also insinuates that there's something wrong with being an "ethnic". Considering that they clearly don't understand we all are in some way, maybe they're referring to those funny little brown people, or those horrid Polish lot who come over here, take our jobs and our women.

In his excellent Labour PPB, the comedian and all-round good egg Eddie Izzard said this:

"You know what - Britain is bloody brilliant. I take great offence that the Tories are slagging off Britain in saying its broken."

I agree. Maybe I'm not so much from the "internet generation" but from the "multi-cultural generation". My Dad can remember a time before we had pasta, curries, Chinese food, and before there were any people of West Indian descent in the country. All that has changed now - we live in a multi-cultural society and I for one sodding love it.

The fact that we now have a choice of foods from different cultures, the fact that we have a West Indian aisle in my local Tesco store, the fact that a Polish girl can come over and study at one of our universities. I love all that, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Shame on you, Daily Express. Please take your small-minded racist claptrap elsewhere.