Premier League Predictions

Last week, Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got a superb 7 results right, with 4 perfect scores. Unbeatable, that. Ewarwoowar got 5 results right, with 1 perfect score. It's a massacre, and my faint hope for an overall draw has been dashed. I think that's 6-3 Lawro, so we come to the final weekend of the season much like Manchester United - not bothered, half-hearted, and looking forward to future pursuits instead. Let's go for it!

Arsenal vs Stoke - I feel I should say something nice about Stoke. So, through gitted teeth, well done to them for staying up, they proved me wrong. The great news is, they're going down next season! 3-0

Aston Villa vs Newcastle - Tricky one this. Villa are on their holidays, but in terms of quality they are light years ahead of the Toon. Bassong is suspended, that will be a big loss. Newcastle to be relegated. 2-0

Blackburn vs West Brom - I'm sorry to see the back of WBA. Not only were they an easy 6 points for United every season, but at least they embrace how football should be played, and were easy on the eye. Sadly, you can't defend like they have been doing in the Premier League. 2-1

Fulham vs Everton - Two manager of the year candidates here. Fulham have been the surprise package this year, even though their home form has always been good for the past few seasons. 1-1

Hull vs Man Utd - For the first time in a long, long time, I really don't care. All I can think about is next Wednesday evening. Hull to benefit from the side Fergie puts out. 2-0

Liverpool vs Tottenham - Nothing on this one. 3-0

Man City vs Bolton - Read a great quote about Mark Hughes the other day: "Very nice, polite man, but he looked tired and is clearly a distressed soul currently". Not easy for Sparky, feel sorry for him - I think he's gone at the end of the season, as City go after The Special One. 2-0

Sunderland vs Chelsea - Mackems still aren't safe, so they will be busting a gut here in front of their home fans. They might just eke out a draw. 1-1

West Ham vs Middlesbrough - Boro are shit, good riddance. Shit team, shit manager, shit fans, satisfactory stadium. They've taken far too many points off us down the years, and I won't miss them. 2-0

Wigan vs Portsmouth - Nothing on this one, except it will be Valencia's last game for Wigan (you heard it here 1,956th). 1-1

Phew, what a season, and ultimately a good one - the right team won. Here's to Number 19. Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson was talking to BBC Sport's Nabil Hassan. Ewarwoowar is talking to Merciless Public on MSN.

Premier League Predictions

Last week, Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 4 results right, with 1 perfect score. Ewarwoowar MP not only fiddled with his expenses, but got 6 results right with 1 perfect score! That gives me a win, and overall it's now Lawro 5-3 Ewarwoowar. How exciting! This weekend, there's probably a lot of rubbish games no-one cares about, so for those games I'll just give score prediction, and no insightful and witty commentary.

Man United vs Arsenal - We need a point, and a point only. I think we'll get it! 1-1

Bolton vs Hull - Hull are sliding like crazy, and have slipped into the bottom three for the first time. Bolton have nothing to play for, but neither did Stoke, and they easily beat Hull. 1-1

Everton vs West Ham - 2-0

Middlesbrough vs Aston Villa - Boro are a terrible team, and I just don't know where they're going to get goals from. Villa have gone on holiday though, so a tight home win. 1-0

Newcastle vs Fulham - Similar to the game above. I think the Toon will win, Fulham won't fancy going up there with nothing riding on it. 2-0

Stoke vs Wigan - 1-0

Tottenham vs Man City - 2-0

West Brom vs Liverpool - Title could be all over before this game takes place, which could have an impact on the result. I want WBA to win, I hope WBA win, but they won't. 1-3

Chelsea vs Blackburn - 2-0

Portsmouth vs Sunderland - 1-1

Mark Lawrenson was talking to BBC Sport's Saj Chowdhury. I was talking to Moussam, my little house-elf sitting at the end of my bed.

If you have nothing better to do tonight, join me at 23:35 tonight where I will be live-blogging "Later with Jools Holland". Tonight's rubbish include Little Boots and New York Dolls, and no doubt a bit of "boogie-woogie" piano playing from the main man himself.

Premier League Predictions

I'll keep it brief this week, as I will be blogging again later (details to follow) and I don't wish to overburden my dear readers. Last week, Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 6 results right, with 2 perfect scores. Ewarwoowar got 6 results right, with 1 perfect score. Unbelievable, I don't know what I have to do to beat this bastard. ("Get your predictions right", yes thanks for that)

That makes it Lawro 5-2 Ewarwoowar overall. I have nothing left to play for but pride. Let's go!

Blackburn vs Portsmouth - I think both teams will stay up. I find both teams boring. 2-0

Bolton vs Sunderland - The Mackems are sliding, and Bolton are tough at home. 1-0

Everton vs Tottenham - No interest here. 2-2

Fulham vs Aston Villa - No interest here. 1-1

Hull vs Stoke - I think Hull are in big trouble, they need points and they need them now. 1-0

West Brom vs Wigan - No interest here. Maybe one last hurrah for WBA here. 2-0

West Ham vs Liverpool - I fully expect the Scousers to win all their games now. 0-2

Man Utd vs Man City - Ooh, plenty of interest here. Citeh got a point at Anfield, and with Robinho in their team, they will always pose a threat. Tight, typical derby. 2-1

Arsenal vs Chelsea - Incredible to think that this fixture has nothing riding on it. 1-1

Newcastle vs Middlesbrough - Without doubt, the biggest game of the weekend. Lose it, and you are down. Draw, not really good enough for either team. Win it, and you have a chance. Tight, tight, tight, but I think the Toon will just nick it. 1-0

Coming up later tonight...my second attempt at "Live-blogging". Not a sporting event this time, but "Later with Jools Holland" where I will be offering my unique thoughts/criticisms/ramblings. If I enjoy it, and you do as well (doubtful) I might make this another regular Friday thing along with the Predictions. I dunno, we'll see. Anyway, if you're free from 11:35-12:40 tonight, join me! And we'll make some sweet music together. Maybe.

Premier League Predictions

Unbelievable. Last week, I was chuffed to get 5 results right, with 3 perfect scores. Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 6 results right, with 3 perfect scores. I hate "Lawro" so much right now. He now leads 4-2 overall, and as it's squeaky bum time in the Premier League, I can only hope for a draw. I feel like how Newcastle will feel going to Anfield this weekend - only hope is a scrappy draw. Great. Anyway, let's keep on trying:

Middlesbrough vs Man United - I'm calling it, right here - the comeback against Spurs last weekend won us the title. That was our Sheffield Wednesday game, for those of us old enough to remember back to 1993. Boro are a poor side, with a poor manager. 0-2

Chelsea vs Fulham - Home win all day long. 2-0

Man City vs Blackburn - I suppose it's a local derby, but no interest other than that. 2-1

Portsmouth vs Arsenal - I imagine Arsenal will be resting players in anticipation of the second leg of the CL SF on Tuesday. Portsmouth aren't a brilliant team, but they will be good for a draw here. 1-1

Stoke vs West Ham - No one cares. 1-1

Tottenham vs West Brom - Home win all day long. 3-1

Wigan vs Bolton - I'm struggling to think of a reason to care about this one either. 1-0

Liverpool vs Newcastle - I think the Toon are going down, and they stand no chance here. 3-1

Sunderland vs Everton - Shock result last weekend was Sunderland's mauling at WBA. Everton don't care about this game, they have a Cup final to look forward to. 2-0

Aston Villa vs Hull - A bigger game for Hull than Villa, but I just can't see Hull coming close to winning it. Best hope is a draw, but Villa will win it, 2-1

Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson was talking to BBC Sport's Mike Henson. I spend all day talking to myself.

Bank Holiday weekend now, so I shall leave all you loyal readers alone until Tuesday. Any plans for the weekend? Really? Ooh, that will be nice. For me, it's all about pizza, baseball, pubs and snooker. C'mon John Higgins! (I've met him, you know- nice chap.)

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Premier League Predictions

Not in the best of moods, so let's just do this shit. Last time out, Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 4 results right, with 0 perfect scores. Mr Ewar Woowar got 4 results right, with 1 perfect score!

I'm claiming that as a win, making it Lawro 3-2 Ewarwoowar. Not many rounds to go, so let's go round again...

Bolton vs Aston Villa - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. Bolton are probably safe, Villa are Europa League. 1-1

Everton vs Man City - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. Everton have got the Cup Final to look forward to. City have got a new manager to find. 2-0

Fulham vs Stoke - Everytime I've criticised Stoke, they've gone and pulled out a result and the Plashing Vole has laughed at me. So I won't criticise this time, but they will still lose. 1-0

Hull vs Liverpool - Still wouldn't surprise me if Hull went down, and they are on the slippery slope. Scousers too good here. 1-3

West Brom vs Sunderland - Massive game for the Mackems. A point here could be vital come the end of the season, and I fancy them to get it. 1-1

West Ham vs Chelsea - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. I'm sure the Upton Park faithful will enjoy booing Fat Frank, but he'll have the last laugh. 0-2

Man United vs Tottenham - This won't be easy, Spurs are playing with freedom at the moment and are on a good run. We're at home, so, hmm. 1-1

Arsenal vs Middlesbrough - There is literally no chance of Boro winning this game. None. And they're going down. 3-0

Blackburn vs Wigan - You have to wonder if anyone cares about this game. Local derby, might get a bit physical, but, meh. 1-1

Newcastle vs Portsmouth - It's going to be nervy, but I fancy the Geordies to roar their team to a victory here. 2-0

Mark Lawrenson was talking to BBC Sport's Mandeep Sanghera. Ewarwoowar was talking to nobody. Have a nice weekend, everyone, and I'll see you all back here on Monday.

Premier League Predictions

Last week, friends, I got 6 results right with 1 perfect score. Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson, the arse, got 8 results right with 2 perfect scores! The bastard! He takes a 3-1 lead, with not too many rounds to go. Let's try and make it 3-2...

Aston Villa vs West Ham - Villa have got to try and capitalise on Everton not playing in the league this weekend, and try to cement 4th spot. A win here will be nice, considering their recent form. 2-1

Middlesbrough vs Fulham - Another home game for Boro, another game they have to win. Fulham's away record is poor, and Boro will win this one. 2-1

Portsmouth vs Bolton - Anyone care about this one? Not me, particularly. 2-0

Stoke vs Blackburn - Stoke are good at home, but when they come up against a side managed by Big Sam, they won't be allowed to use their bullyboy tactics. 1-1

Sunderland vs Hull - The Mackems are in trouble, I think. Especially if their North East friends win this weekend. Two poor teams, but home advantage will see Sunderland through. 1-0

Tottenham vs Newcastle - A draw away at Stoke was a big result for the Toon, but Tottenham are playing with a bit of freedom now, and they'll be too strong here. 3-1

Man City vs West Brom - Baggies are down, City are "meh". Well, who cares? 3-0

Not going to do FA Cup predictions, but I wouldn't be surprised if both games went to extra-time. Enjoy your sport this weekend!

Premier League Predictions

No mucking about, let's just do this shit. Last week, I got 5 results right with 1 perfect score. Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 4 results right with 1 perfect score. Huzzah! I win the round, halving Lawro's lead to 2-1. Let's go round again...

Liverpool vs Blackburn - Sadly I can't see anything other than a home win here. Scousers will be looking to recover from the game against Chelsea and they'll win this. 3-0

Chelsea vs Bolton - Another easy home win. 2-0

Middlesbrough vs Hull - Boro have to win this game, or they're gone. I can see them getting a dramatic late goal, and winning it, 2-1

Portsmouth vs West Brom - Not much interest in this one, two poor teams. Home win again, I think. 1-0

Sunderland vs United - Our defending recently has been pathetic, and woeful. Sunderland are a poor side, going backwards...ooh, it will be close, but 1-2

Tottenham vs West Ham - Again, no real interest in this one, both teams are cruising to the end of the season now. 1-1

Wigan vs Arsenal - Arsenal finding a bit of form, and the game midweek was a very good result. Wigan are another team who have given up for the season. 0-2

Stoke vs Newcastle - Alan Shearer couldn't galvanise his troops enough to get a result against Chelsea, and this game is another tricky one for him. We all know the thuggery that passes for football at the Britannia Stadium, and I think Stoke will bully Newcastle here. 1-0

Aston Villa vs Everton - The previous game between these two was fantastic, a 3-2 rollercoaster. Two good teams, both should be in Europe next season. 1-1

Man City vs Fulham - I cannot believe this is the Sunday 4pm game, it has no interest for the neutral whatsoever. City will win it. 3-1

I've just looked at Lawro's predictions, and blimey, they are very similar to mine. Would just like to point out I don't look at his thoughts before I do my predictions, and I certainly don't copy him. I'm trying to beat him, remember.

The Rise and Rise of Tim Lovejoy will be taking a short break now over the Easter weekend. Enjoy yourself folks, and remember, violence is not the answer.

Premier League Predictions

Last time (which feels like ages ago) I, Ewarwoowar, got 5 results right, and 0 perfect scores.
Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 5 results right, and 1 perfect score. The bastard.

So, 2-0 to Lawro, can I halve the deficit?

Blackburn vs Tottenham - I've given up trying to predict what Spurs are going to do. Beat Chelsea last time, but I think Blackburn will out-battle them. 1-0

Arsenal vs Man City - It's a shame for Mark Hughes that Robinho goes missing away from home. van Persie is out, I think, for Arsenal - that's a huge loss for them, but I think they'll win, 2-0

Bolton vs Middlesbrough - I wouldn't watch this match if you paid me. Turgid, scrappy, Kevin Davies to score. 1-0

Hull vs Portsmouth - Tricky one this, two poor sides. Pompey to nick a point. 1-1

Newcastle vs Chelsea - Wow. Just wow. This is impossible to predict. The crowd will be up for it, the players will be up for it.....oh, go on then, home win. 2-1

West Brom vs Stoke - I think WBA are down already, but this will be a close one. Home win, just. 1-0

West Ham vs Sunderland - I think West Ham are pretty much done for this season. They'll play out the games, and enjoy mid-table. 1-1

Fulham vs Liverpool - Fulham have beaten us, Arsenal and drawn against Chelsea at home, so hopefully they'll upset the last Big 4 team to go there this season. 1-1

Everton vs Wigan - Two half-decent teams. I think Everton, at Goodison, will just nick it though, 2-1

United vs Aston Villa - Eeek, not looking forward to this one. Vidic, Scholes, Rooney out, Tevez flying back from Argentina. We all know that Villa have choked it re. 4th place, but now that Arsenal are ahead of them, they may start playing again. Or they may just be knackered. Sheesh, this will be a frustrating draw. 1-1

Have a great weekend kids, and remember, if you can't be good - be somewhere else!

Premier League Predictions

Last weekend, you may recall, I got 3 results right, with 1 perfect score.

Mark "Lawro" Lawrenson got 4 results right, with 1 perfect score.

Round one to Lawro. Let's duel again!

Portsmouth vs Everton - Everton are a strong team, and I worry about Pompey due to them not having a permanent manager. But they are a tough team to beat at home. 1-1

Blackburn vs West Ham - The Hammers have got a lot of players out, and Blackburn will be looking to bounce back from their battering at Arsenal. 1-0

Fulham vs United - The backlash from last weekend starts here. 0-3

Stoke vs Middlesbrough - Eurgh. This will be turgid, but a home win none the less. 2-0

Tottenham vs Chelsea - I really can't work out Tottenham, and I really can't work out this game. I think it will be close, but...1-2

West Brom vs Bolton - I hope the Baggies win it, and I think they will. 2-1

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Don't be shocked if Newcastle go down. Arshavin is just getting into a nice groove for Arsenal, and I fancy them to win this one comfortably. 0-2

Wigan vs Hull - Hull's slippery slope will make them keep on sliding. 2-0

Man City vs Sunderland - Surely a banker home win. Like their friends Newcastle, Sunderland are an interesting bet to go down. 2-0

Liverpool vs Aston Villa - Villa have croaked it re. 4th place, and will have to battle Everton for 5th. The Scousers have a good record at Anfailed, and they will add to it here. 1-0

Right, time for me to put my "pen" down for a few days again. I have "What Was Lost" to read before I meet the author on Monday morning, and also the new Wisden Cricketer mag to peruse at my leisure. So, to all my readers - from Middlesbrough to Cardiff, from Sheffield to Croydon, from Birmingham to London and many more - have a great weekend!

PS. I really enjoy Tony Cozier as a cricket commentator, both on Sky and TMS. But if he calls Stuart Broad "Chris Broad" one more time, I'll fly out to Guyana and slap him. He's done it three times in about 15 minutes so far today. His father hasn't played for 20 years!