If there's one thing I like, it's a routine. I don't mean a dance routine - although I like it when 'Diversity' chuck the little kid with the mad hair around, I can't lie - I mean a routine which makes my life have a bit of a structure to it. My main routine comes in the morning. Upon waking, I stretch my arm up to my bookcase and grab my phone. With bleary eyes, I first check my emails, then I load up my Twitter app and scroll through the tweets that I've missed whilst slumbering. After I've caught up on the news, it's downstairs for a cup of tea (milk, no sugar - I'm sweet enough) and some toast (usually only with butter on but if I'm feeling daring then Bovril) before I head to the bathroom. I can't shower in silence, so it's either talkSPORT if I'm in a "talky" mood or Classic Gold if I'm in a music mood. After that, I....
Sorry. Not interesting, is it? I don't find it fascinating either, but I'm telling you about my morning routine for two reasons - firstly, the Twitter catchup alerted me to Stan Collymore's fascinating and emotive tweet this morning, and secondly because a counsellor once stressed to me the importance of a strong and basic morning routine. I saw a counsellor - and last year attended group therapy - because since 2008 I've had an on/off battle with mental illness. I did write about this subject once on here, only to delete the post a short time later. In an unlikely turn of events, Stan Collymore has inspired me to tackle it again.
He's a funny fellow is our Stanley Victor. I don't agree with everything he says, and some of his actions in the past have been inexcusable (even if I might cheekily add that if any woman needed a slap, it was Ulrika) but his frank honesty in documenting his depression scored many points with me. "Attention seeking" some people have claimed, but they're wrong - they're wrong because being in a similar position (albeit nowhere near as extreme) I know how hard it is to talk about these things truthfully and directly. I also believe that exposure of and awareness about mental health is a very important thing. The stigma is still there, and it's still large.
(At this moment, I need to break off the blog to tell you that everything you just read, I wrote on Saturday evening. It is now Sunday evening, and the tragic, awful death of Gary Speed is very much on my mind. What caused Speed to do what he did? At this moment, we don't know, so whilst the depression aspect is rumoured, it is only that - a rumour. I'm going to focus this blog on Stan Collymore, but whilst I don't mention him, Gary Speed is not far from my mind)
I don't know why I began to feel anxious, but I know when it started. 2008 was a tough, life changing year for me, and one I haven't forgotten easily. Since then, I've been battling Anxiety. It isn't much fun. At times - the worst times - its been crippling. You over-analyse everything, to the extent that a walk down to the local shop is an ordeal, a long car journey is dreaded. Right now, I'm coping okay. I've educated myself about Anxiety, a tactic Lance Armstrong felt was helpful when he had cancer and one I was determined to employ. Owning books, using websites and talking to professionals has really helped. It's given me insight, an understanding about the illness, and also defence mechanisms which I can use. It's still a battle, and I wonder whether it can fully be beaten, but I'm in a lot better shape than I was about 18 months ago.
There might be some people who know me quite well who feel shocked reading this. They didn't know. I haven't told them. Partly that's because I don't want to make a fuss, partly it's because I don't want friends or family to treat me like I'm mad or somehow a different person, but mainly because talking about mental health is fucking difficult. Many times I've stood outside the office door of a lecturer at university. I can see they're in, and I'm going to go in and talk to them, but I never open the door. Maybe one day.
How does it feel? Perhaps it's best if I tell you how it doesn't feel. How it doesn't feel is what Stan Collymore and many others are going through right at this moment. I will link Stan's tweet for those who haven't read it at the bottom of this blog entry. It is sobering stuff, and thankfully an experience which - touch wood - I'm a million miles away from. Sleeping for 18 hours? Not seeing sunlight for a week? Going to the bathroom a difficult experience? I can't even begin to imagine any of that. Anxiety is closely linked with Depression - both mental health issues, medication for Anxiety comes in the form of anti-depressants, and I notice Stan mentions how initially he felt anxious - but I find it as difficult to see the world through the eyes of a manic depressive as you do.
I mention the word "stigma" a few times, and there is still an ignorance over mental illness, but how do you change that? What is it going to take? Who will it take to stand up in the public eye and make perceptions change? I'm currently looking at a list of people who suffered with Depression. It's a "Who's Who" of famous people - a long list of fabulously talented, clever, funny, smart and good people. Buzz Aldrin, Woody Allen, William Blake, Frank Bruno, Winston Churchill, Charles Dickens, John Kirwan, Hugh Laurie, David Foster Wallace and SO MANY more. These people aren't weak and they aren't failures. Fancy telling Neil Lennon to "man up"?
Yet I don't have the answers. I don't know how the mental health stigma will ever be eradicated. I wish I did. What I do know however is this - awareness helps. Exposure helps. Whilst my experiences are nothing compared to Stan Collymore's and others, his honesty made me write this blog post. And whilst it's sprawling and not the most polished piece of writing I've ever slammed down, it might just be the one I'm most proud of.
http://www.twitlonger.com/show/ecoqm1
Monday, 28 November 2011
Friday, 18 November 2011
The (Un)Official 2011 Children in Need Live-Blog
13:30 Hello! I'm Ewar, and from 19:30 my good self and a few others will be live-blogging this year's "Children in Need" for you - that annual shitfest that the Beeb forces upon us every November.
Before we start though, here's the important stuff:
Official site http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/
To donate http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/donate/
Official Children in Need online auction http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bbc-children-in-need/_i.html?rt=nc&LH_Auction=1
Information about Children in Need http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/aboutus/
Song recorded by Duncan Buchanan & Leeann Davis http://duncanbuchanan.bandcamp.com/album/street-scene (Minimum 50p download, 100% of money raised goes to Children in Need)
13:47 Truthfully? I'm not very well, friends. I have succumbed to manflu, which is rather inconvenient and annoying. Thankfully, earlier on in the week I wisely recruited a few pals to help me out tonight. So, if I've got this right - and obviously that's a big "if" - tonight's line-up should look something like this:
19:30-20:00 Me (@Bruno_Di_Gradi)
20:00-21:00 James/Jim/Scruff (@Scruff365)
21:00-22:00 Stephen Fry (@stephenfry)
No, wait...Stephen Fry didn't reply, did he? Bastard.
21:00-22:00 Me again (@Bruno_Di_Gradi)
22:00-23:00 Paul and perhaps his very lovely better half (@PaulMooreEsq)
23:00-Until I get bored Me once again
14:02 How to read a live-blog? It's easy! Keep this blog entry open, give it a refresh (F5) every 10-20 minutes and scroll down for up-to-date thoughts, musings, opinions, bile etc.
Got something funny to say? Either leave a comment (at the bottom) or tweet me at @Bruno_Di_Gradi and if I'm around I'll get your tweet put up on here.
16:21 I think that's everything for now. Time to wait patiently for 19:30 to come around and the show to start....
19:27 Still not feeling very well, but I've got a feeling that some videos shown tonight will make my moaning seem a tad silly. So, man up, Ewar. With clear eyes and full hearts, here we go...
19:30 Sir Terrence of Wogan as I live and breathe!
19:31 It's Tess Daly, Alesha Dixon and Fearne Cotton! Calm down Terry! Reminds me though, who else misses Gaby Roslin?
Just me? Cool.
19:33 First performance of the night and it's five little scrotes, I didn't catch their name. Think it was something like "Wand Erection". Is that Rory McIlroy?
19:37 "Every penny gets spent here in the United Kingdom". Thanks Alesha! I can happily donate now, knowing that some dirty foreigner won't be getting his grubby hands on our charity!
19:42 I've never seen 'The Wizard of Oz' yet seem to know all of the songs from it. Odd.
19:47 Ooh that was a very "eggy" moment as Paul Hawksbee likes to say. I like those - moments when the conversation suddenly gets a bit stilted and awkward. Normally seems to involve Sir Tezza as well.
19:55 Twenty five minutes in and we've gone regional for the first time tonight. What are you seeing right now? I'm seeing the lovely Joanne Malin and Pudsey the Bear. Ooh, Joanne just mispronounced 'Lyreco' as 'Lie-reco'. Schoolgirl error tbf.
19:56 Anyway, I'm off for a cup of tea, a paracetamol and the darts on Sky Sports One. No way I'm watching this shit all night!
Jim/James/Scruff? Over to you....hopefully...
===================================================
19:58 Hello! Jim here. Not James. Only my Mum calls me James. And 'the reason I didn't live my life the way I wanted to'. I'm here for an hour of this shouty lunacy.
20:02 Jesus. Carlos Tevez has earned more than that while this has been on.
20:04 It's seriously a matter of time until the newsreaders have to do a live sex show. This gets worse every year. It's amazing to see where gravitas goes when it dies.
20:08 The male nipple count for this evening is now at one. Repeat. One male nipple. Whereabouts of the other unconfirmed.
20:10 RIPPON! WE HAVE RIPPON!
20:16 Is the competitive element of Strictly really necessary at a charity event? They - oh that's bullshit! This is a fix!
20:20 That was a very sad, but very uplifting film. However, all things considered, I can't be the only one who's glad Zoe Ball is still so very, very attractive. In that jumper she was like a sexy wasp.
20:24 I do not want to see this man's sonic screwdriver. I do not want this to happen.
20:30 This is like a painfully middle class Sister Act. With a white, male Whoopi Goldberg. In double denim.
20:35 The Yard is basically how southerners viewed Byker Grove.
20:37 OH GOD. DEACTIVATE THE CHILDREN. THIS ENDEAVOUR HAS NOT SUCCEEDED.
20:42 Wogan was here before you, Dixon, and he will be here long after you are gone.
20:44 "What would fund raising be without a bit of hair removal?" Ah yes, the age old question.
20:49 Little known fact: Tess Daly is the Princess of Derbyshire.
20:52 Ben Dover is the father of one of those children. The things I have seen his Dad do in kitchens.
20:56 Nick Knowles' face is getting less craggy. Is he having botox or many, many pies?
20:59 I leave this lunacy now to go to the pub. I escape moments before JessieJ and Matt Cardle arrive OH NO THEY'RE TALKING I HAVE TO GO BYE. JIM.X
===================================================
21:01 Great work Jim, thank you! It's back to me again I'm afraid folks. Y'alright?
21:04 It seems I missed Susanna Reid a bit earlier on. Oh Susanna....Susanna Susanna. Words cannot express what I'd give up for you, my sweet.
21:05 I miss Susanna and instead get Gok Wan. Oh, life. Stop it.
21:07 Does anyone know if Gok is straight or not? Can't quite tell based on this.
21:15 Ah, it's the obligatory EastEnders cast prancing about to the obligatory Queen record. I HATE Queen. Despise them. I'm missing Phil Taylor vs Wes Newton for this FFS.
21:17 What next? I'll have a wild guess - "I Want to Break Free", men in drag, probably Ian Beale.....yes, there we are. Wonderful.
21:27 Hoorah! It's THE MUPPETS! Remember that awful tune they had on the 'BN' adverts? They're doing that, complete with celebrities making dicks out of themselves. It's strangely endearing.
21:39 After a rather sobering film, we're back live with SuBo! She's covering Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence" I think, and it's not very good. Having said that, I'd bang at least one of the backing singers, so, there's that.
What?
21:41 SuBo finishes, and the crowd goes mild!
21:42 Obligatory 'Dragons Den' bit. Oh it's all so predictable.
21:44 Sir Alan Sugar in the Den. It's not very good, though I did enjoy the line where he confused that new weird woman with James Caan. Was alright.
21:46 "Everyone in this room is someone that I hate. Pop Cowell in there and lock them away forever" - @PBC13
21:53 Here we go with the official Children in Need song! They've taken the classic 'Teardrop' and added some yo yo brizzle innit yoof speak bruv. Tulisa from N Dubz is there! But we can't hear her. Microphone fail!
21:55 I don't know who these people are.
21:59 Bemused. That was a load of shit. Anyway, here's Paul!
===================================================
Before we start though, here's the important stuff:
Official site http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/
To donate http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/donate/
Official Children in Need online auction http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bbc-children-in-need/_i.html?rt=nc&LH_Auction=1
Information about Children in Need http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/aboutus/
Song recorded by Duncan Buchanan & Leeann Davis http://duncanbuchanan.bandcamp.com/album/street-scene (Minimum 50p download, 100% of money raised goes to Children in Need)
13:47 Truthfully? I'm not very well, friends. I have succumbed to manflu, which is rather inconvenient and annoying. Thankfully, earlier on in the week I wisely recruited a few pals to help me out tonight. So, if I've got this right - and obviously that's a big "if" - tonight's line-up should look something like this:
19:30-20:00 Me (@Bruno_Di_Gradi)
20:00-21:00 James/Jim/Scruff (@Scruff365)
21:00-22:00 Stephen Fry (@stephenfry)
No, wait...Stephen Fry didn't reply, did he? Bastard.
21:00-22:00 Me again (@Bruno_Di_Gradi)
22:00-23:00 Paul and perhaps his very lovely better half (@PaulMooreEsq)
23:00-Until I get bored Me once again
14:02 How to read a live-blog? It's easy! Keep this blog entry open, give it a refresh (F5) every 10-20 minutes and scroll down for up-to-date thoughts, musings, opinions, bile etc.
Got something funny to say? Either leave a comment (at the bottom) or tweet me at @Bruno_Di_Gradi and if I'm around I'll get your tweet put up on here.
16:21 I think that's everything for now. Time to wait patiently for 19:30 to come around and the show to start....
19:27 Still not feeling very well, but I've got a feeling that some videos shown tonight will make my moaning seem a tad silly. So, man up, Ewar. With clear eyes and full hearts, here we go...
19:30 Sir Terrence of Wogan as I live and breathe!
19:31 It's Tess Daly, Alesha Dixon and Fearne Cotton! Calm down Terry! Reminds me though, who else misses Gaby Roslin?
Just me? Cool.
19:33 First performance of the night and it's five little scrotes, I didn't catch their name. Think it was something like "Wand Erection". Is that Rory McIlroy?
19:37 "Every penny gets spent here in the United Kingdom". Thanks Alesha! I can happily donate now, knowing that some dirty foreigner won't be getting his grubby hands on our charity!
19:42 I've never seen 'The Wizard of Oz' yet seem to know all of the songs from it. Odd.
19:47 Ooh that was a very "eggy" moment as Paul Hawksbee likes to say. I like those - moments when the conversation suddenly gets a bit stilted and awkward. Normally seems to involve Sir Tezza as well.
19:55 Twenty five minutes in and we've gone regional for the first time tonight. What are you seeing right now? I'm seeing the lovely Joanne Malin and Pudsey the Bear. Ooh, Joanne just mispronounced 'Lyreco' as 'Lie-reco'. Schoolgirl error tbf.
19:56 Anyway, I'm off for a cup of tea, a paracetamol and the darts on Sky Sports One. No way I'm watching this shit all night!
Jim/James/Scruff? Over to you....hopefully...
===================================================
19:58 Hello! Jim here. Not James. Only my Mum calls me James. And 'the reason I didn't live my life the way I wanted to'. I'm here for an hour of this shouty lunacy.
20:02 Jesus. Carlos Tevez has earned more than that while this has been on.
20:04 It's seriously a matter of time until the newsreaders have to do a live sex show. This gets worse every year. It's amazing to see where gravitas goes when it dies.
20:08 The male nipple count for this evening is now at one. Repeat. One male nipple. Whereabouts of the other unconfirmed.
20:10 RIPPON! WE HAVE RIPPON!
20:16 Is the competitive element of Strictly really necessary at a charity event? They - oh that's bullshit! This is a fix!
20:20 That was a very sad, but very uplifting film. However, all things considered, I can't be the only one who's glad Zoe Ball is still so very, very attractive. In that jumper she was like a sexy wasp.
20:24 I do not want to see this man's sonic screwdriver. I do not want this to happen.
20:30 This is like a painfully middle class Sister Act. With a white, male Whoopi Goldberg. In double denim.
20:35 The Yard is basically how southerners viewed Byker Grove.
20:37 OH GOD. DEACTIVATE THE CHILDREN. THIS ENDEAVOUR HAS NOT SUCCEEDED.
20:42 Wogan was here before you, Dixon, and he will be here long after you are gone.
20:44 "What would fund raising be without a bit of hair removal?" Ah yes, the age old question.
20:49 Little known fact: Tess Daly is the Princess of Derbyshire.
20:52 Ben Dover is the father of one of those children. The things I have seen his Dad do in kitchens.
20:56 Nick Knowles' face is getting less craggy. Is he having botox or many, many pies?
20:59 I leave this lunacy now to go to the pub. I escape moments before JessieJ and Matt Cardle arrive OH NO THEY'RE TALKING I HAVE TO GO BYE. JIM.X
===================================================
21:01 Great work Jim, thank you! It's back to me again I'm afraid folks. Y'alright?
21:04 It seems I missed Susanna Reid a bit earlier on. Oh Susanna....Susanna Susanna. Words cannot express what I'd give up for you, my sweet.
21:05 I miss Susanna and instead get Gok Wan. Oh, life. Stop it.
21:07 Does anyone know if Gok is straight or not? Can't quite tell based on this.
21:15 Ah, it's the obligatory EastEnders cast prancing about to the obligatory Queen record. I HATE Queen. Despise them. I'm missing Phil Taylor vs Wes Newton for this FFS.
21:17 What next? I'll have a wild guess - "I Want to Break Free", men in drag, probably Ian Beale.....yes, there we are. Wonderful.
21:27 Hoorah! It's THE MUPPETS! Remember that awful tune they had on the 'BN' adverts? They're doing that, complete with celebrities making dicks out of themselves. It's strangely endearing.
21:39 After a rather sobering film, we're back live with SuBo! She's covering Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence" I think, and it's not very good. Having said that, I'd bang at least one of the backing singers, so, there's that.
What?
21:41 SuBo finishes, and the crowd goes mild!
21:42 Obligatory 'Dragons Den' bit. Oh it's all so predictable.
21:44 Sir Alan Sugar in the Den. It's not very good, though I did enjoy the line where he confused that new weird woman with James Caan. Was alright.
21:46 "Everyone in this room is someone that I hate. Pop Cowell in there and lock them away forever" - @PBC13
21:53 Here we go with the official Children in Need song! They've taken the classic 'Teardrop' and added some yo yo brizzle innit yoof speak bruv. Tulisa from N Dubz is there! But we can't hear her. Microphone fail!
21:55 I don't know who these people are.
21:59 Bemused. That was a load of shit. Anyway, here's Paul!
===================================================
22:00 Evening all, I apologise for the next hour. I've decided that Children In Need has to be viewed through alcohol.
22:01 You've got to hand it to Debra Stevenson & Jon Culshaw, their impressions are amazing. This sketch is a bit short on gags mind you.
22:04 Ahh, #cin now on BBC2.
22:06 Seems a bit off talking about kids who are hungry because of poverty when theres tumbling Smarties behind Terrys shoulder.
22:08 Probably a bit flippant before, watching this is heart breaking. Can't believe that there are kids who are going without food. However, I notice the kid has the latest Chelsea shirt and Dads playing on the PS3. Something wrong here.
22:12 It's Fearne Cotton time. Seems a little uncomfortable between the two of them. Perhaps Tezza thinks like the rest of us?
22:15 Clare from Steps in a medium phase at the moment... It could go either way. My money is on comfort eating though.
22:18 This is quite painful isn't it? I don't know why they do Children In Need specials of panel shows. They're always absolutely awful.
22:19 Anyone want a top up of whisky? Trust me, it dulls the pain.
22:23 Noel Fielding delivers the first laugh out loud gag of the night. Pudsey is a benefit cheat. I'm sure if you ring up Children In Need they'll give you a refund.
22:28 In Havant they've been selling some of Pudsey's Special Sauce. Is that like the "special sauce" you get on a dodgy takeaway?
22:29 Serious bit. Concentrate.
22:32 KPC? More like KFC looking at the size of her!
22:34 Are all the female presenters tonight sponsored by Bacofoil?
22:35 Ed Sheeran isn't uber-talented Terry, he's uber-dull. And ginger. Pop stars are not ginger. Ever.
22:35 In light of the Blatter thing this week, can I offer a handshake to all gingers reading this?
22:35 We good carrot tops?
22:39 JLS .... oh yes! (Mrs Buxton very happy)
22:50 'Forget You'......that's not a difficult task with the Hollyjokes cast.
22:51 Those spots behind Sir Tel are mesmerising ... it's like watching a huge lava lamp.
22:57 As a parent this scares me to death. I know its easy to laugh at Children In Need, but stories like this are heart breaking. You never expect to bury your own child. Where do you go from there in your life? Even if its a quid, try and give something to CiN. Support services like this need to be supplied by our governments but they're not.
23:00 Right! Thats me done. Hope you've enjoyed the last hour as much as me. Back to the boss!
===================================================
23:08 Great stuff Paul! Splendid work.
23:09 Feeling insanely tired as well as rough so whilst this nonsense goes on till 02:00, this blog will be finishing soon. Think I'll stick around for The Saturdays so I can have a good old perve over Mollie and then finish up.
Wait, what?
23:16 On a serious note, over 400 readers on this here blog today (at the time of writing). Normally takes me a fortnight to get that many! Thanks I love you all x
23:20 Olly Murs has a very strange head. I think it's that his forehead isn't quite in proportion.
23:34 Disaster! On two different counts! Firstly, my computer just took a funny turn and froze over, and secondly my head has got worse. You know that twat down at Portsmouth FC who constantly rings a bell during their matches? It's like that in my head right now, and it hurts.
23:38 Annoyingly, when my computer was on the blink there was an AMAZING performance by Steps, who have somehow managed to be as annoying second time around as they were in their pomp. Aside from Claire's discovery of pies, they haven't changed much.
23:40 THE SATS OMFG!!
23:51 Russell Howard and his mad eyes signals that perhaps it is time for me to go and get some rest.
It's been an emotional night my friends. Thanks to Jim and Paul for helping out so ably, and thank you to all of you who have read this nonsense - either all of it or just bits and pieces.
Goodnight, good luck, and may your God go with you.
23:09 Feeling insanely tired as well as rough so whilst this nonsense goes on till 02:00, this blog will be finishing soon. Think I'll stick around for The Saturdays so I can have a good old perve over Mollie and then finish up.
Wait, what?
23:16 On a serious note, over 400 readers on this here blog today (at the time of writing). Normally takes me a fortnight to get that many! Thanks I love you all x
23:20 Olly Murs has a very strange head. I think it's that his forehead isn't quite in proportion.
23:34 Disaster! On two different counts! Firstly, my computer just took a funny turn and froze over, and secondly my head has got worse. You know that twat down at Portsmouth FC who constantly rings a bell during their matches? It's like that in my head right now, and it hurts.
23:38 Annoyingly, when my computer was on the blink there was an AMAZING performance by Steps, who have somehow managed to be as annoying second time around as they were in their pomp. Aside from Claire's discovery of pies, they haven't changed much.
23:40 THE SATS OMFG!!
23:51 Russell Howard and his mad eyes signals that perhaps it is time for me to go and get some rest.
It's been an emotional night my friends. Thanks to Jim and Paul for helping out so ably, and thank you to all of you who have read this nonsense - either all of it or just bits and pieces.
Goodnight, good luck, and may your God go with you.
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
NaNoWriMo? NoNoNoNo!
NaNoWriMo has been around for a few years now, but I'll wager that at least one person reading this is unaware of it and wondering what the hell that assortment of letters has got to do with anything. Its basic concept is a very simple one however - in the thirty days of November, you write a 50,000 word novel. Once you're done, you submit it, and then everyone cheers and gives you a certificate you print out or god knows what. Sorry, haven't got that far with it, so I may be underselling it a tad, but it's the sense of achievement that makes it, I guess.
I've always resisted it, normally because by the time I've heard about it it's the 12th of November so too much time has passed, or it's March and November feels a lifetime away. But this year, for the first time, it was on my mind as we hurtled through the days and arrived at November 1st, so with a full heart and clear eyes I sat down and scribbled 2,100 words. Hurrah! "Only 48,000 to go!" the website told me. "Keep up your average of 1,500 a day and you'll do it!" it screamed. "Want to look at your overall completion percentage?!" it asked me, at which point I clicked "Help" and looked up how to delete my account.
(Deleting your account on there, by the way, is a right bastard. You have to e-mail them and give them info and all sorts. I gave up and simply logged out, never to return)
It's the 2nd of November now and I've had time overnight to think about this. I have several problems with NaNoWriMo, but it needed me to sign up and give it a go for me to fully realise them. First of all, it's not a bad idea. I think it's aimed at people who don't normally write - to give them confidence to just give it a go and to hell with the quality of it. That's fine, and I wouldn't necessarily stop anyone from attempting it. But, for me, I wasn't comfortable with that.
"Good writing is re-writing" is something I must have heard about fifty times in the past few years. And it's true, even for a non-pro like me. I ain't Ian McEwan, but no piece of fiction I've ever penned has stayed the same from the initial idea to the finished piece. With NaNoWriMo, you're asked to write - to write and not look back. I didn't feel there was any time for editing, for pondering over a sentence, for writing and re-writing and re-writing and re-writing a passage until it was just right. "Oh but you can edit later, you can go back and fiddle about with it after November!" you might think, but in which case why bother with NaNoWriMo at all? In that case, just write a novel! Write a novel without having to fret over the fact that you need to go shopping and drop a prescription in at the chemist but you've still got 436 words to write for the day. That's the thing that defeated me, I think - it's so restrictive. "How many words to go!" and "Let's look at your overall completion percentage so far!" just scared me. It made me feel like I was writing an essay, a thesis, an assignment, and that time was critical and it was all one big challenge. In short, NaNoWriMo, for me, sucked the fun out of writing. And when that happens, it becomes the most pointless thing on the planet.
The funny thing is, the words I did write weren't terrible. They weren't brilliant, either, and that bugged me - I've been taught to re-write until you submit your best work possible, and NaNoWriMo is the antithesis of that - but there's an idea there. I love the location I have, the main character needs a bit of tweaking but is usable, the story isn't a bad one. But it wasn't a novel, and 2,000 words in I was already padding bits out and inventing stuff on the fly just to bump up the word count. I won't delete what I wrote - I'll just shape it into something else. The shorter form of fiction is still my favourite, both for writing and reading. Jeffery Deaver once said about short stories that "all bets are off" and I knew exactly what he meant by that. They're a lot of fun to write.
So then. NaNoWriMo. Nice idea, but not for me.
I've always resisted it, normally because by the time I've heard about it it's the 12th of November so too much time has passed, or it's March and November feels a lifetime away. But this year, for the first time, it was on my mind as we hurtled through the days and arrived at November 1st, so with a full heart and clear eyes I sat down and scribbled 2,100 words. Hurrah! "Only 48,000 to go!" the website told me. "Keep up your average of 1,500 a day and you'll do it!" it screamed. "Want to look at your overall completion percentage?!" it asked me, at which point I clicked "Help" and looked up how to delete my account.
(Deleting your account on there, by the way, is a right bastard. You have to e-mail them and give them info and all sorts. I gave up and simply logged out, never to return)
It's the 2nd of November now and I've had time overnight to think about this. I have several problems with NaNoWriMo, but it needed me to sign up and give it a go for me to fully realise them. First of all, it's not a bad idea. I think it's aimed at people who don't normally write - to give them confidence to just give it a go and to hell with the quality of it. That's fine, and I wouldn't necessarily stop anyone from attempting it. But, for me, I wasn't comfortable with that.
"Good writing is re-writing" is something I must have heard about fifty times in the past few years. And it's true, even for a non-pro like me. I ain't Ian McEwan, but no piece of fiction I've ever penned has stayed the same from the initial idea to the finished piece. With NaNoWriMo, you're asked to write - to write and not look back. I didn't feel there was any time for editing, for pondering over a sentence, for writing and re-writing and re-writing and re-writing a passage until it was just right. "Oh but you can edit later, you can go back and fiddle about with it after November!" you might think, but in which case why bother with NaNoWriMo at all? In that case, just write a novel! Write a novel without having to fret over the fact that you need to go shopping and drop a prescription in at the chemist but you've still got 436 words to write for the day. That's the thing that defeated me, I think - it's so restrictive. "How many words to go!" and "Let's look at your overall completion percentage so far!" just scared me. It made me feel like I was writing an essay, a thesis, an assignment, and that time was critical and it was all one big challenge. In short, NaNoWriMo, for me, sucked the fun out of writing. And when that happens, it becomes the most pointless thing on the planet.
The funny thing is, the words I did write weren't terrible. They weren't brilliant, either, and that bugged me - I've been taught to re-write until you submit your best work possible, and NaNoWriMo is the antithesis of that - but there's an idea there. I love the location I have, the main character needs a bit of tweaking but is usable, the story isn't a bad one. But it wasn't a novel, and 2,000 words in I was already padding bits out and inventing stuff on the fly just to bump up the word count. I won't delete what I wrote - I'll just shape it into something else. The shorter form of fiction is still my favourite, both for writing and reading. Jeffery Deaver once said about short stories that "all bets are off" and I knew exactly what he meant by that. They're a lot of fun to write.
So then. NaNoWriMo. Nice idea, but not for me.
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Irritations
The cliché is true, I guess. The older I get, the grumpier I get. So many little things that people do have, in recent years, began to needle away at me. And that's exactly what they are - little things - but I just can't help it. Oh, how I long for the days of the carefree and innocent Ewar! Alas, it is not to be - I'm too old, too cynical. So as I've got nothing else to blog about, here's a list of things - little things, of course - that are seriously irritating.
Once you've read my list, feel free to vent your spleen in the comments box below. Remember I get to choose which comments get published, mind, so any 'hilarious' "This blog irritates me lol" stuff will be swiftly discarded. You don't go attacking my baby! Talking of which...
BABY IN THE OFFICE - I worked for over two years in an office where I was the only man, a lonely child surrounded by (perfectly nice) middle aged women. As we employed about fifty people - the vast majority of which were also female - who traipsed their way into the office most days, I soon realised that the dreaded "Baby in the office" situation was always round the corner. Cooing, gurgling, farting, screaming, crying - and that was just me. Is there anything more annoying than having a stranger's baby waved in your face?
Maybe it's because I'm a man, so I'm not maternal and all of that guff, but it drove me insane. The mere thought of it happening in the future makes me reach for my stress ball. You can breed, well done, but I've got some timesheets to check so kindly sod off.
"SUBTLE" ADVERTISING - This is one where it's easier to show you, rather than tell you:
The song is passable, but it's the video which irritates me greatly - namely the bit between 1:20 and 1:30. Is there any need for such shameless advertising in a music video? No sir there is not!
THE APPRENTICE - Right now really isn't the time to teach young twattish upstarts that the way to succeed in business is to be jumped up selfish twerps obsessed with greed and deceit who will be quick to point the blame at anyone or anything as soon as things go "wrong". One massive wet dream for right-wingers presided over by a hairy cornflake who's technology is, as they say in the trade, "fucking shit".
THE YOUNG APPRENTICE - No. Just, no.
TARDINESS IN SHOPS - This is usually a female thing I'm afraid. You've gone into a shop and you've selected the goods you desire to purchase. You walk to the check-out where you join a queue. You queue for 3 minutes, and then when you get to the front of the queue...you start digging around in your handbag for your purse. WOMEN! Come on, you are better than this! If you are going to do this, perhaps try doing it when I'm not standing one place behind you in the line? Thanks.
BAD MANNERS - When I'm Supreme Leader - and I will be - anyone who is found spitting will be the first to be taken into camps. The same if you litter, if you eat with your mouth open, if you talk with your mouth full, if you have a loud conversation on your phone when sitting in a train carriage.
PEOPLE TRYING TO SELL ME THINGS - I know you're doing your job, and that's good, but if I've said "no" I mean it. Don't persist.
Ewar's handy tip! I've found lately that saying "I already have it" works really well with these guys. e.g. Man with tie: "Five minutes to talk to you about the new Sky+ HD service sir?" Me: "I already have it!" (continue walking)
PETROL STATION ETIQUETTE - Filled up your car? Good for you. Paid for the petrol? Good for you. Now, please, leave. Get out. Don't arse about with your glove compartment. Don't put your seatbelt on until you've reached a safe place on the foyer away from me. Consideration, people.
HAVING NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT - As I've found these past few weeks. Irritating.
THE NATIONAL OBSESSION WITH PIPPA MIDDLETON - She is related to someone. She has a bottom. Good for her.
SALLY MORGAN - "Psychic"? I can think of other words, none of which I can type here as she seems the sort who'd like a good court case.
ITVs FOOTBALL COVERAGE - Clive Tyldesley, Gordon Strachan, Jim Beglin, Roy Keane. Can you imagine a bigger bunch of pricks? And that's not even taking into consideration the worst human being on the planet, my mortal enemy, Mr Peter "A GOAL FOR ALL OF AFRICA!" Drury. Monumental bell-end.
PEOPLE WHO DON'T WALK - Painfully common at university. What's that? You'd rather take the lift than walk one flight of stairs? Really?
DRAW/DRAWER - Please stop putting things in a "draw".
BOOTS ADVERTS - Perhaps we can have a Christmas without having to hear "Here Come the Girls" seventeen times a day every day?
QUESTION TIME'S OBSESSION WITH BARONESS WARSI - Awful, awful woman.
GOLF CLUB SNOBS - Goddamn phonies with their club jumpers and ties, shouting off about women in the clubhouse whilst reading The Daily Mail and leering at the barmaid. These people are invariably shit at the game despite professing to play twice a week every week.
(I should stop but I'm too angry to do so, so here's a few more)
PEOPLE WHO LEAVE THEIR BAGS ON THE SEAT NEXT TO THEM ON THE TRAIN - Scum. Sub-human scum.
ACCUMULATORS THAT FALL AT THE FIRST HURDLE - Dear betting gods. I know I'm not going to win. Just at least let me enjoy the tension of it going down to the final game or two? This is magnified a million times when it's the early 12:45 kick-off on a Saturday that screws it up.
PEOPLE WHO WRITE SHIT POETRY - Bet it doesn't even rhyme.
ALANIS MORISSETTE NOT UNDERSTANDING IRONY
HAVING TO GOOGLE THE CORRECT SPELLING OF ALANIS MORISSETTE'S SURNAME
WALKING TO THE TRAIN STATION ON A WET, COLD, DAMP AND DEPRESSING OCTOBER DAY - The worst on the list, by a mile.
Well, that was cathartic. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to walk to the train station on a wet, cold...
Once you've read my list, feel free to vent your spleen in the comments box below. Remember I get to choose which comments get published, mind, so any 'hilarious' "This blog irritates me lol" stuff will be swiftly discarded. You don't go attacking my baby! Talking of which...
BABY IN THE OFFICE - I worked for over two years in an office where I was the only man, a lonely child surrounded by (perfectly nice) middle aged women. As we employed about fifty people - the vast majority of which were also female - who traipsed their way into the office most days, I soon realised that the dreaded "Baby in the office" situation was always round the corner. Cooing, gurgling, farting, screaming, crying - and that was just me. Is there anything more annoying than having a stranger's baby waved in your face?
Maybe it's because I'm a man, so I'm not maternal and all of that guff, but it drove me insane. The mere thought of it happening in the future makes me reach for my stress ball. You can breed, well done, but I've got some timesheets to check so kindly sod off.
"SUBTLE" ADVERTISING - This is one where it's easier to show you, rather than tell you:
The song is passable, but it's the video which irritates me greatly - namely the bit between 1:20 and 1:30. Is there any need for such shameless advertising in a music video? No sir there is not!
THE APPRENTICE - Right now really isn't the time to teach young twattish upstarts that the way to succeed in business is to be jumped up selfish twerps obsessed with greed and deceit who will be quick to point the blame at anyone or anything as soon as things go "wrong". One massive wet dream for right-wingers presided over by a hairy cornflake who's technology is, as they say in the trade, "fucking shit".
THE YOUNG APPRENTICE - No. Just, no.
TARDINESS IN SHOPS - This is usually a female thing I'm afraid. You've gone into a shop and you've selected the goods you desire to purchase. You walk to the check-out where you join a queue. You queue for 3 minutes, and then when you get to the front of the queue...you start digging around in your handbag for your purse. WOMEN! Come on, you are better than this! If you are going to do this, perhaps try doing it when I'm not standing one place behind you in the line? Thanks.
BAD MANNERS - When I'm Supreme Leader - and I will be - anyone who is found spitting will be the first to be taken into camps. The same if you litter, if you eat with your mouth open, if you talk with your mouth full, if you have a loud conversation on your phone when sitting in a train carriage.
PEOPLE TRYING TO SELL ME THINGS - I know you're doing your job, and that's good, but if I've said "no" I mean it. Don't persist.
Ewar's handy tip! I've found lately that saying "I already have it" works really well with these guys. e.g. Man with tie: "Five minutes to talk to you about the new Sky+ HD service sir?" Me: "I already have it!" (continue walking)
PETROL STATION ETIQUETTE - Filled up your car? Good for you. Paid for the petrol? Good for you. Now, please, leave. Get out. Don't arse about with your glove compartment. Don't put your seatbelt on until you've reached a safe place on the foyer away from me. Consideration, people.
HAVING NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT - As I've found these past few weeks. Irritating.
THE NATIONAL OBSESSION WITH PIPPA MIDDLETON - She is related to someone. She has a bottom. Good for her.
SALLY MORGAN - "Psychic"? I can think of other words, none of which I can type here as she seems the sort who'd like a good court case.
ITVs FOOTBALL COVERAGE - Clive Tyldesley, Gordon Strachan, Jim Beglin, Roy Keane. Can you imagine a bigger bunch of pricks? And that's not even taking into consideration the worst human being on the planet, my mortal enemy, Mr Peter "A GOAL FOR ALL OF AFRICA!" Drury. Monumental bell-end.
PEOPLE WHO DON'T WALK - Painfully common at university. What's that? You'd rather take the lift than walk one flight of stairs? Really?
DRAW/DRAWER - Please stop putting things in a "draw".
BOOTS ADVERTS - Perhaps we can have a Christmas without having to hear "Here Come the Girls" seventeen times a day every day?
QUESTION TIME'S OBSESSION WITH BARONESS WARSI - Awful, awful woman.
GOLF CLUB SNOBS - Goddamn phonies with their club jumpers and ties, shouting off about women in the clubhouse whilst reading The Daily Mail and leering at the barmaid. These people are invariably shit at the game despite professing to play twice a week every week.
(I should stop but I'm too angry to do so, so here's a few more)
PEOPLE WHO LEAVE THEIR BAGS ON THE SEAT NEXT TO THEM ON THE TRAIN - Scum. Sub-human scum.
ACCUMULATORS THAT FALL AT THE FIRST HURDLE - Dear betting gods. I know I'm not going to win. Just at least let me enjoy the tension of it going down to the final game or two? This is magnified a million times when it's the early 12:45 kick-off on a Saturday that screws it up.
PEOPLE WHO WRITE SHIT POETRY - Bet it doesn't even rhyme.
ALANIS MORISSETTE NOT UNDERSTANDING IRONY
HAVING TO GOOGLE THE CORRECT SPELLING OF ALANIS MORISSETTE'S SURNAME
WALKING TO THE TRAIN STATION ON A WET, COLD, DAMP AND DEPRESSING OCTOBER DAY - The worst on the list, by a mile.
Well, that was cathartic. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to walk to the train station on a wet, cold...
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Meredith
Morning. I'm filled up with Manflu today, so my writing won't be as sharp and spectacular as it usually is(?) so I apologise greatly for that.
Today's news is dominated by Amanda Knox and her former partner, Raffaele Sollecito, who have been released from prison and acquitted over the murder of student Meredith Kercher. As far as criminal cases go, this one is an absolute cracker. No matter how much I read about that night, I'm still completely undecided as to what actually happened. We're pretty certain that Rudy Guede murdered and sexually assaulted Meredith, but did he act alone? Were Knox and Sollecito involved, somehow? I get the feeling we'll never know, which drives me mad with frustration, but such is life.
Whether Knox/Sollecito are guilty or not guilty however, what has horrified me during this case is the realisation that if they ever got out - and of course we now know that they have - they would become celebrities. Famous. As I've mentioned before, I really loathe the word "famous", and Amanda Knox provides a decent example of why. Perhaps they deserve their freedom, but the thought of them raking in the dollars and living the high life greatly depresses me, even if they are innocent. Of course, Knox's rise to fame has been, and will be, aided and abetted by the media. I note with an awful lot of regret that Meredith Kercher's body wasn't even cold by the time the phrase "Foxy Knoxy" had entered our lexicon.
So we'll have the "EXCLUSIVE!" first interview - probably with that morally bankrupt slimeball Piers Moron - and then she'll release her book, which will naturally be a best-seller. A few more TV appearances, then once those cheques have been cashed it'll be some form of photo-shoot, possibly involving the nice people at Playboy Mansion. After that, the reality TV appearances must surely follow. I reckon she'd be a hit on 'Dancing With The Stars'! Cynical? Maybe I am, but I'd be surprised if Amanda Knox ended up working at her local Starbucks, or indeed anywhere else. I hope she proves me wrong.
Let me make it clear - I'm not blaming Knox for that, per se. If I was innocent - and for all we know she might be - I'd go along with it as well, because the temptation to set myself up for life would be too hard to turn down. Instead I blame the "celebrity culture" we've been dragged into, a world where someone accused of murder can write a best-selling book which says "I didn't do it" for 300 pages, a world where Katie Price is a multi-millionaire, a world where the likes of Chantelle Houghton are famous. Nothing would make me happier than shite like "Heat" magazine or "OK!" going out of business because people stopped caring that Cameron Diaz has a spot on her chin, Cheryl Cole is getting married and Ryan Giggs is having sex with a Russian waitress called Olga. Deep down though, we all know that's not going to happen any time soon, and that's a shame. In the case of Knox, it's the sheer shamelessness of it all that bugs me. She's a good looking white girl, but that shouldn't excuse the media frenzy that spins and whirls its way around her wherever she now goes. If she is innocent, she deserves her freedom and allowed to return back home to the US. But what if she isn't? And there's still very strong doubts about her actions that night. One to remember when you're queuing to buy her book.
Ranting about the media aside, there's a bigger issue here and one that saddens me. For all the talk of "Foxy Knoxy" et al, Meredith Kercher has been left behind, a bloodied corpse resigned to being an afterthought when Knox is on TV, sobbing over the hardship of an unjust jail sentence. Whether Amanda Knox has - literally - gotten away with murder, or whether she's as innocent as you or I am over this one, let us not forget the true victim of this horrific crime. We may not know who did it, or why, but we know what the result was. RIP Meredith. I hope and pray that you are never forgotten.
Today's news is dominated by Amanda Knox and her former partner, Raffaele Sollecito, who have been released from prison and acquitted over the murder of student Meredith Kercher. As far as criminal cases go, this one is an absolute cracker. No matter how much I read about that night, I'm still completely undecided as to what actually happened. We're pretty certain that Rudy Guede murdered and sexually assaulted Meredith, but did he act alone? Were Knox and Sollecito involved, somehow? I get the feeling we'll never know, which drives me mad with frustration, but such is life.
Whether Knox/Sollecito are guilty or not guilty however, what has horrified me during this case is the realisation that if they ever got out - and of course we now know that they have - they would become celebrities. Famous. As I've mentioned before, I really loathe the word "famous", and Amanda Knox provides a decent example of why. Perhaps they deserve their freedom, but the thought of them raking in the dollars and living the high life greatly depresses me, even if they are innocent. Of course, Knox's rise to fame has been, and will be, aided and abetted by the media. I note with an awful lot of regret that Meredith Kercher's body wasn't even cold by the time the phrase "Foxy Knoxy" had entered our lexicon.
So we'll have the "EXCLUSIVE!" first interview - probably with that morally bankrupt slimeball Piers Moron - and then she'll release her book, which will naturally be a best-seller. A few more TV appearances, then once those cheques have been cashed it'll be some form of photo-shoot, possibly involving the nice people at Playboy Mansion. After that, the reality TV appearances must surely follow. I reckon she'd be a hit on 'Dancing With The Stars'! Cynical? Maybe I am, but I'd be surprised if Amanda Knox ended up working at her local Starbucks, or indeed anywhere else. I hope she proves me wrong.
Let me make it clear - I'm not blaming Knox for that, per se. If I was innocent - and for all we know she might be - I'd go along with it as well, because the temptation to set myself up for life would be too hard to turn down. Instead I blame the "celebrity culture" we've been dragged into, a world where someone accused of murder can write a best-selling book which says "I didn't do it" for 300 pages, a world where Katie Price is a multi-millionaire, a world where the likes of Chantelle Houghton are famous. Nothing would make me happier than shite like "Heat" magazine or "OK!" going out of business because people stopped caring that Cameron Diaz has a spot on her chin, Cheryl Cole is getting married and Ryan Giggs is having sex with a Russian waitress called Olga. Deep down though, we all know that's not going to happen any time soon, and that's a shame. In the case of Knox, it's the sheer shamelessness of it all that bugs me. She's a good looking white girl, but that shouldn't excuse the media frenzy that spins and whirls its way around her wherever she now goes. If she is innocent, she deserves her freedom and allowed to return back home to the US. But what if she isn't? And there's still very strong doubts about her actions that night. One to remember when you're queuing to buy her book.
Ranting about the media aside, there's a bigger issue here and one that saddens me. For all the talk of "Foxy Knoxy" et al, Meredith Kercher has been left behind, a bloodied corpse resigned to being an afterthought when Knox is on TV, sobbing over the hardship of an unjust jail sentence. Whether Amanda Knox has - literally - gotten away with murder, or whether she's as innocent as you or I am over this one, let us not forget the true victim of this horrific crime. We may not know who did it, or why, but we know what the result was. RIP Meredith. I hope and pray that you are never forgotten.
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Gallimaufry
Well, isn't this exciting? I haven't done one of these for a while...as the actress said to the bishop! Ooh pardon!
Ahem. Yes, gallimaufry time now, where I round up a few things I need to tell you and shepherd them all into one nice blog post so that we all know where we stand. Let us begin...
1) Are you interested in basketball? Probably not, but if you are, or perhaps you WANT to take an interest in the sport (particularly in terms of the European game) I recommend http://mp06.wordpress.com/ which is a well-written and informative site created by a Twitter friend. My only criticism of the site would be that it needs more pro-Kobe Bryant pieces, but you can't have everything. Please do check it out.
2) I have started to write film reviews for a website. This is hilarious, seeing as I hate every film ever made, but after sending one off they asked me to write some more so what the hell. It's something to put on the writing CV and it gets me writing so I'm happy enough. The site is http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/ and the three pieces I have done so far will just be underneath this paragraph. If you decide to have a look, it takes about 0.5 seconds to click on the appropriate star and rate the film out of 5 (note - you rate the film, not my review, thankfully). I'd really appreciate it if you did that. Even though it doesn't change anything at my end, loads of votes makes me look good, and we all want that.
http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/index.php/zombieland/
http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/index.php/road-to-perdition/
http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/index.php/raging-bull/
3) Look away now, Cynical Ben! Yes, it's a quick note about one of my favourite TV programmes - Come Dine With Me - which this past week focused on The Dark Place itself, Wolverhampton. One of the five contestants was Student Union legend Bally Singh, who claimed a well-deserved third place despite making beans on toast as his starter. The five episodes will be on 4OD and your catch-up boxes for a limited time if you wish to have a gander.
4) My "other" blog, Patrick's Myopic Musings, will not be long for the blogging world. I have set in motion its demise.
This is not because I am bored with it, or a lack of stuff to put on it, or that nobody was looking at it. The truth is, I've been thinking for a while now about creating my own personal website which would house my writings (fiction and non fiction) and various other stuff. I would really like to split up my internet use into two clear camps - professional and real life, and then silly anonymous-ish stuff like this blog or Twitter. Which is why linking you to movie reviews containing my real name from this blog immediately contravenes that idea, but I've always been a fucking idiot.
Regardless. If I create a website and put up my writing/bits and bobs on there, the fiction writing blog becomes irrelevant and redundant, sadly, so it is going. I really liked putting up other people's writing on there though, so I'll probably still carry on doing that on t'other place.
5) On the subject of writing, there's a short story competition running over at http://www.ruberybookaward.com/ which is being judged by the incomparable Paul McDonald. I'm currently writing an entry, which certainly won't win, but I'm aiming for 3rd place. Deadline is on the 30th, so if you want to enter, hurry up, yeah?
6) I'd like to take a moment to congratulate all the people reading this who have just graduated from The Dark Place University, an august institution if ever I encountered one. Life is tough for graduates right now, but good people will always muddle their way through. To all of you I simply say "Hat!" and wish you well for the future.
Until next time kids!
Ahem. Yes, gallimaufry time now, where I round up a few things I need to tell you and shepherd them all into one nice blog post so that we all know where we stand. Let us begin...
1) Are you interested in basketball? Probably not, but if you are, or perhaps you WANT to take an interest in the sport (particularly in terms of the European game) I recommend http://mp06.wordpress.com/ which is a well-written and informative site created by a Twitter friend. My only criticism of the site would be that it needs more pro-Kobe Bryant pieces, but you can't have everything. Please do check it out.
2) I have started to write film reviews for a website. This is hilarious, seeing as I hate every film ever made, but after sending one off they asked me to write some more so what the hell. It's something to put on the writing CV and it gets me writing so I'm happy enough. The site is http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/ and the three pieces I have done so far will just be underneath this paragraph. If you decide to have a look, it takes about 0.5 seconds to click on the appropriate star and rate the film out of 5 (note - you rate the film, not my review, thankfully). I'd really appreciate it if you did that. Even though it doesn't change anything at my end, loads of votes makes me look good, and we all want that.
http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/index.php/zombieland/
http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/index.php/road-to-perdition/
http://moviemarker.co.uk/wp/index.php/raging-bull/
3) Look away now, Cynical Ben! Yes, it's a quick note about one of my favourite TV programmes - Come Dine With Me - which this past week focused on The Dark Place itself, Wolverhampton. One of the five contestants was Student Union legend Bally Singh, who claimed a well-deserved third place despite making beans on toast as his starter. The five episodes will be on 4OD and your catch-up boxes for a limited time if you wish to have a gander.
4) My "other" blog, Patrick's Myopic Musings, will not be long for the blogging world. I have set in motion its demise.
This is not because I am bored with it, or a lack of stuff to put on it, or that nobody was looking at it. The truth is, I've been thinking for a while now about creating my own personal website which would house my writings (fiction and non fiction) and various other stuff. I would really like to split up my internet use into two clear camps - professional and real life, and then silly anonymous-ish stuff like this blog or Twitter. Which is why linking you to movie reviews containing my real name from this blog immediately contravenes that idea, but I've always been a fucking idiot.
Regardless. If I create a website and put up my writing/bits and bobs on there, the fiction writing blog becomes irrelevant and redundant, sadly, so it is going. I really liked putting up other people's writing on there though, so I'll probably still carry on doing that on t'other place.
5) On the subject of writing, there's a short story competition running over at http://www.ruberybookaward.com/ which is being judged by the incomparable Paul McDonald. I'm currently writing an entry, which certainly won't win, but I'm aiming for 3rd place. Deadline is on the 30th, so if you want to enter, hurry up, yeah?
6) I'd like to take a moment to congratulate all the people reading this who have just graduated from The Dark Place University, an august institution if ever I encountered one. Life is tough for graduates right now, but good people will always muddle their way through. To all of you I simply say "Hat!" and wish you well for the future.
Until next time kids!
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Letters Move On
Enough claptrap about my life in the "real world". Let's go back to what the people want! Crazy letters!
=============================================================
I would like to join the rest of the population in expressing my disgust at teachers striking.
This letter is from July 12th, so apologies for glancing back to past events, but it's so distasteful, arrogant and wrong-headed that I can't bring myself to ignore it and bin it.
Anyway, yes. The WHOLE population was against the teachers who went on strike. Nice to see they concluded that without asking me for my opinion on the matter, but hey ho.
Teachers obviously think that they should be immune from the situation that a government they supported brought the nation to.
If you can't be bothered to read this letter, here it is so far, summarised for you:
1) Everyone in the country opposed the teachers strikes (including the teachers themselves!)
2) Every teacher in the country supports the same political party.
They obviously feel the children are a useful tool to blackmail parents into supporting their demands that the rest of the nation should fund their
"Gold-plated"?
overly generous
Rotter.
pensions. I resent the fact that I work seven days a week to pay for their pensions while being unable to afford a pension of any kind myself due to high taxes.
I want to interrupt this letter for a moment, if I may. Because if there's one thing that pisses me off, it's Piers Morgan. No, wait, aside from him - it's people thinking that teachers somehow have it easy. We've just had the summer holidays, and my seven year old brother got to stay at home for six weeks. By day three, I was just about ready to strangle him. The thought of having to put up with him, as well as about 25 others, 9-3 every weekday, without resorting to frying pans around the head, is absolutely mental. No way could I do it.
Secondary school kids aren't any better, when you take into account their rowdiness, their sullenness and their chewing gum which always gets stuck on the underside of a table. Of course, it's not just 9-3 either. There's homework to set/mark, parent evenings, staying behind to supervise a child in detention, even coping with the politics of the staff room. They do all of this whilst under huge pressure to get kids through their exams and set them on the right path, an Ofsted inspection always just days away. Be a teacher? Not on your nelly would I.
They deserve their holidays. They deserve their pensions. They deserve praise. They deserve respect.
Which is why this letter is fucking me off quite a considerable amount. But let us indulge it for a few moments longer...
Teachers and all other so-called public servants
3) Teachers do not serve the public.
need to join the real world. If you want a generous pension then purchase one and pay for it like the rest of us. You can strike until the cows come home as far as I am concerned and I hope the Government stands firm because if it does not then they will suffer at the ballot box.
Mike Montane
Wellington
You've made it onto my list. Well done.
============================================================
Close down Wootton Bassett, it has become too English and traditional - can't have anything English and traditional can we?
If you read my blog often, you'll know who this letter writer is. If you don't, the unsurprising answer will be at the bottom.
By the way, I really like the idea of something being "too English".
"Breaking news coming into us here on Sky Sports News....the FA have released a statement saying that the contract of England U-21 manager Stuart Pearce has been terminated. "The FA would like to thank Stuart for all of his hard work", they say in this statement, "but it became clear that Stuart's services were no longer suitable after he became just too English".
Is CamEUron scared
I give up. I literally do. This is just...I genuinely don't know what to say.
of letting the world see the dead bodies of our troops that leave blood on his and Clegg's hands? Try and hide it away in Worcestershire or anywhere
"Worcestershire or anywhere" is an amazing, amazing bit of writing.
and hope there is no place anyone can come and pay respects.
It's only just re-reading this letter now that I see Val - yes, it's Val Duncan, who else - says "close down Wooton Bassett". Val Duncan thinks a town has been closed down. I'd cry if I didn't laugh.
Send the dead down motorways or back roads then the world won't see our grief? Destroy our military and force us into the EU Military Force? This 'fake' Prime Minister
David Cameron is a fake. The real Prime Minister is locked in a cupboard somewhere. It's in such a secretive location that not even Gideon Osbourne knows where it is. But he knows WHO it is, and isn't it interesting how you don't hear much from Michael Heseltine any more, eh?
is adding grievances to a list of things the people (remember us?) are keeping count of and one day Major (Maastricht Treaty), Blair and Brown (Lisbon Treaty) and Cameron and Clegg (Destroyers of our defences) will all stand in court to answer for their treason. The list grows longer and longer and the people (remember us?)
You've done that one.
are feeling more and more angry with the social engineering of our population, the wrecking of our economy and the insidious intrusion of the EU. Something will give and woe betide Westminster and those politicians and civil servants who are complicit in the destruction of our country. We will have revenge without mercy unless we are taken out of the insidious
You've done that one.
EU and given our own laws and liberties again.
This is vintage Val Duncan. Take it in, and enjoy. You'll miss this when she's gone.
We are a peaceful and just people, but we will not be sold to a foreign dictatorship while this Prime Minister pontificates over democracy for the likes of Libya and kills our own country for his own political ends and gold-plated pension
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! *punches the air*
via a wasteful and corrupt union.
Val Duncan
Wellington
Is there any way we can start an on-line campaign to make someone be considered as an MEP? Because I can't help thinking that Val would make an excellent candidate for that role.
Valerie Duncan MEP. You heard it here first, kids!
=============================================================
I would like to join the rest of the population in expressing my disgust at teachers striking.
This letter is from July 12th, so apologies for glancing back to past events, but it's so distasteful, arrogant and wrong-headed that I can't bring myself to ignore it and bin it.
Anyway, yes. The WHOLE population was against the teachers who went on strike. Nice to see they concluded that without asking me for my opinion on the matter, but hey ho.
Teachers obviously think that they should be immune from the situation that a government they supported brought the nation to.
If you can't be bothered to read this letter, here it is so far, summarised for you:
1) Everyone in the country opposed the teachers strikes (including the teachers themselves!)
2) Every teacher in the country supports the same political party.
They obviously feel the children are a useful tool to blackmail parents into supporting their demands that the rest of the nation should fund their
"Gold-plated"?
overly generous
Rotter.
pensions. I resent the fact that I work seven days a week to pay for their pensions while being unable to afford a pension of any kind myself due to high taxes.
I want to interrupt this letter for a moment, if I may. Because if there's one thing that pisses me off, it's Piers Morgan. No, wait, aside from him - it's people thinking that teachers somehow have it easy. We've just had the summer holidays, and my seven year old brother got to stay at home for six weeks. By day three, I was just about ready to strangle him. The thought of having to put up with him, as well as about 25 others, 9-3 every weekday, without resorting to frying pans around the head, is absolutely mental. No way could I do it.
Secondary school kids aren't any better, when you take into account their rowdiness, their sullenness and their chewing gum which always gets stuck on the underside of a table. Of course, it's not just 9-3 either. There's homework to set/mark, parent evenings, staying behind to supervise a child in detention, even coping with the politics of the staff room. They do all of this whilst under huge pressure to get kids through their exams and set them on the right path, an Ofsted inspection always just days away. Be a teacher? Not on your nelly would I.
They deserve their holidays. They deserve their pensions. They deserve praise. They deserve respect.
Which is why this letter is fucking me off quite a considerable amount. But let us indulge it for a few moments longer...
Teachers and all other so-called public servants
3) Teachers do not serve the public.
need to join the real world. If you want a generous pension then purchase one and pay for it like the rest of us. You can strike until the cows come home as far as I am concerned and I hope the Government stands firm because if it does not then they will suffer at the ballot box.
Mike Montane
Wellington
You've made it onto my list. Well done.
============================================================
Close down Wootton Bassett, it has become too English and traditional - can't have anything English and traditional can we?
If you read my blog often, you'll know who this letter writer is. If you don't, the unsurprising answer will be at the bottom.
By the way, I really like the idea of something being "too English".
"Breaking news coming into us here on Sky Sports News....the FA have released a statement saying that the contract of England U-21 manager Stuart Pearce has been terminated. "The FA would like to thank Stuart for all of his hard work", they say in this statement, "but it became clear that Stuart's services were no longer suitable after he became just too English".
Is CamEUron scared
I give up. I literally do. This is just...I genuinely don't know what to say.
of letting the world see the dead bodies of our troops that leave blood on his and Clegg's hands? Try and hide it away in Worcestershire or anywhere
"Worcestershire or anywhere" is an amazing, amazing bit of writing.
and hope there is no place anyone can come and pay respects.
It's only just re-reading this letter now that I see Val - yes, it's Val Duncan, who else - says "close down Wooton Bassett". Val Duncan thinks a town has been closed down. I'd cry if I didn't laugh.
Send the dead down motorways or back roads then the world won't see our grief? Destroy our military and force us into the EU Military Force? This 'fake' Prime Minister
David Cameron is a fake. The real Prime Minister is locked in a cupboard somewhere. It's in such a secretive location that not even Gideon Osbourne knows where it is. But he knows WHO it is, and isn't it interesting how you don't hear much from Michael Heseltine any more, eh?
is adding grievances to a list of things the people (remember us?) are keeping count of and one day Major (Maastricht Treaty), Blair and Brown (Lisbon Treaty) and Cameron and Clegg (Destroyers of our defences) will all stand in court to answer for their treason. The list grows longer and longer and the people (remember us?)
You've done that one.
are feeling more and more angry with the social engineering of our population, the wrecking of our economy and the insidious intrusion of the EU. Something will give and woe betide Westminster and those politicians and civil servants who are complicit in the destruction of our country. We will have revenge without mercy unless we are taken out of the insidious
You've done that one.
EU and given our own laws and liberties again.
This is vintage Val Duncan. Take it in, and enjoy. You'll miss this when she's gone.
We are a peaceful and just people, but we will not be sold to a foreign dictatorship while this Prime Minister pontificates over democracy for the likes of Libya and kills our own country for his own political ends and gold-plated pension
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! *punches the air*
via a wasteful and corrupt union.
Val Duncan
Wellington
Is there any way we can start an on-line campaign to make someone be considered as an MEP? Because I can't help thinking that Val would make an excellent candidate for that role.
Valerie Duncan MEP. You heard it here first, kids!
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