Wow, what a day. And what a medium Twitter is. To explain, here's the full story.
On weekday mornings I normally take hold of the previous days Sloppy Star and read it whilst having breakfast. Today was no different, and as I sat down at the kitchen table with my crumpets with Bovril on (try it, it's good) I flicked through the paper as usual, browsing the letters page with interest before working my way through to the cryptic crossword which is a nice warm-up for my brain. It is Monday, and on Mondays there's a special football segment in the middle of the paper. It concentrates on all the local teams - AFC Telford, Shrewsbury Town, Wolves - and then the Midlands teams further afield, Villa, Birmingham, WBA etc. After all the match reports and tables there's an opinion page, and strike me down if it isn't penned by Ron "Big Ron" Atkinson.
Or is it? You see, most of these things are ghost-written, with the paper's journalist phoning the chosen "famous person" up and constructing a piece around what that person says on the phone. I do not know whether Atkinson writes these things himself or not - I doubt it - but in the interest of simplicity, let us assume he does.
So I'm sitting eating my crumpets and drinking my tea as I cast my eye over Atkinson's main piece. It's about Wayne Rooney, and "Sweargate" which I'm sure you know all about by now. The line taken by Atkinson's piece is an interesting one - that Rooney does these things because he's angry and frustrated, mainly because his relationship with the Manchester United supporters has broken down after the contract negotiations a few months ago. This is a fair angle - there are a number of United supporters who have lost faith/love in Rooney. I read United forums and messageboards, and I follow enough United fans on Twitter to know there's a myriad (great word) of opinions about our Scouse Number 10. So there I was enjoying the column when I read the fifth paragraph. And I read it over and over and over, until every word had sunk in. I quote verbatim:
"I noticed that when United were trailing West Ham 2-0 in the first half and Rooney went over to take a throw-in nearby them, a chant of 'You're not fit to wear the shirt' broke out.
After reading it for the fifth time, I frowned. You see, I watched the game on television, and hadn't heard that chant. I had not read ANYWHERE anyone saying that chant was aired, nor ANYONE talking about it anywhere in the media. All those forums and messageboards I mentioned? I had a quick browse on them - nothing. On Twitter? Nope. Not a sausage.
And then I read another article by Big Ron which further complicated the mystery. I'll quote verbatim again:
"Yet again we find ourselves marvelling at Super Kev (Phillips). I was at Birmingham on Saturday..."
Birmingham vs Bolton, which kicked off at 15:00. The West Ham United vs Manchester United game kicked off at 12:45, so from this we can conclude that Atkinson wasn't at the game in London, and instead (presumably) watched the game from a TV set. Okay, that's fine, but how then did he hear a chant that I didn't? I'm always keeping an ear out for what the United crowd are singing when I'm watching.
So this is when I went to Twitter. I got in touch with two guys who work for manutd.com who are on there, and asked them if they knew anyone who was actually at the game, supporting United in the away end. They didn't, but both were kind enough to publicise my question to all of their followers. Soon I was absolutely drowned in responses (and follows, amusingly) and in the frenzy I shook my head wryly and realised that if anyone ever tries telling you that Twitter isn't useful, they're talking out of their arse.
I got swamped with replies, too many to mention - although I'll tally them up later - but the gist of all of them was exactly the same: "That never happened. Anyone who says that either misheard or is lying." But Big Ron seemed pretty definite. Let's have it again:
"I noticed that...a chant of 'You're not fit to wear the shirt' broke out."
There's no room for leeway there - no "I think I heard" or "I thought I noticed" - none of that. It's a definitive statement. Shame it's not true. I'm used to people writing/talking about United. As us Reds say "United - loved, hated, but never ignored" and over time I've had to accept that people who hate the club will write or say stuff which I won't agree with. But to just blatantly lie is really poor form, in my opinion. It may not be a big thing, granted, but it portrays United fans in a bad light. Some of them may not like Rooney, agreed, and some have criticised certain players for not being good enough, but an orchestrated chant of "You're not fit to wear the shirt"? No. Never.
Which is why once I've published this blog post, and gone to get some dinner, I'm e-mailing The Slop. They really are living up to their nickname if they can't even be bothered to check facts.
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Several Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
It's been a while, so let's slip back into the familiar routine of looking at some letters into The Sloppy Star, pointing at them and then ridiculing them. There's a few to get through this time around, so let's dive straight in:
Sean Bayley calls me homophobic and other vitriolic names for defending the guesthouse couple who refused to give two homosexuals a double bed.
You remember this case, I hope? It's a very tricky one - a Christian couple who own a guesthouse refused to let two gay men stay overnight, based on their religious beliefs. They claimed that if they initially knew they were gay, they would have said they weren't welcome before they pitched up there. As it was, they turned up, got told to clear off, it went to court and it all got very messy.
I find this one very tough to call. On one hand, shops don't have to serve people, and if a biker goes to a pub he can be asked to leave and he can't do a damn thing about it. This couple own a guesthouse, which is also their home, so if they don't want someone in there they're entitled to say "no". HOWEVER in this case, their view is so appalling, so antiquated and so misguided that I find myself opposing them vehemently. And there was me thinking that God loved everyone.
What do you guys think? I'm genuinely undecided. What I am certain of however is that on this topic, sensible, grown up debating is required. No prejudice and no nonsense. So, with that in mind, let's read the rest of the letter!
Well I don't hate gays, but like most people I find the practice abhorrent.
Ah good. This will be an important contribution to the debate.
I feel sorry for the one per cent who are born that way, but for the rest it is a lifestyle choice, accepted, even encouraged in the media and sick magazines.
I interviewed Graham Norton the other day - nice man. When I asked him about his homosexuality, he told me he realised he was gay after reading about it in a "sick magazine". Interesting.
We will regret allowing it being taught to our children. Anything which is unnatural is contrary to God's law and the whole nation will pay the price for allowing it.
Ron Jones
Oswestry
I wonder if Irish Catholic priests abusing and raping children is contrary to God's law?
Let's move on before I get too irate. Needless to say though, Ron Jones goes on the list.
=========================================================
Sixty years ago during National Service with the RAF we airmen were given something to eat similar to mashed potato but tasting just like candle grease.
Right.
I was bitterly disappointed and threw it in the bin.
I see.
Most RAF stations supplied food like my dear late mother made or the fare at the five star Grosvenor Hotel in Chester or the Buck Hotel in Bangor-on-Dee.
Right.
The corporal cook threatened to put me on a charge so I told him "please yourself". However, support came from an ex-Royal Navy man and police corporal.
I see.
The next day, the messing sergeant - a real gentleman - apologised to me "We're having real mashed potato from now on Taff," he said.
Right.
Let's drink to potatoes and vegetables.
Mr Emyr Davies, Wrexham
I just don't really know what to say here. On one hand, this man is clearly elderly, so to mock his irrelevant and uninteresting story would be poor form. On the other hand though, he's Welsh, so fuck it.
=========================================================
So, Desperate Dave,
Nobody has ever called David Cameron that, ever.
badly rattled over the incompetent coalition's mishandling of the Libyan crisis,
Incompetence and mishandling that has passed everyone else in the world by, clearly.
has come out fighting and suddenly appears to relish a war of his own. He threatens to unleash fire and brimstone, a flash man vowing to send the bits of the armed forces he hasn't sacked or sent to the breakers yard. Cameron talks of a no-fly zone while at the same time firing pilots and decommissioning the aircraft carrier HMS Ark Royal. He thinks that Libya could be his Falklands.
This is a real mixed bag, this paragraph. There's some good, there's some bad and then there's some utter bollocks. I particularly enjoy the bit about David Cameron apparently believing that Libya "could be his Falklands". It is true that there have been severe cutbacks in our defence budget, which disappoints me a lot, but then I'm a boy so I'm excited by things that go whizz-bang and have the capacity to unleash sulphur.
The British response to the wave of unrest sweeping North Africa and the Middle East needs a cool head, not a hot-head in power.
Which currently it has. How lovely that the Government (of which I'm not a fan) has been largely praised for the handling of this difficult situation so far (emphasis on the words "so far", your Honour) whilst letters like this are being flinged around by idiots.
John and Jackie Pond
Shrewsbury
I was curious to know what goes on at the Pond residence, so I sneaked round there the other night, crouched under their front window and listened in on their conversation. Fascinating. I taped it as well, it went like this:
John: "Bad news love."
Jackie: "Go on, what?"
John: "Gaddafi is fighting back in Libya, and has just gone on state radio to inform the nation that he's coming round to murder as many people as he can. Women, children, grandparents, doesn't matter."
Jackie: "Oh my god! What can we do?!"
John: "Well, the right thing to do would be to get a coalition of many countries together, get UN backing, and then implement a no-fly zone over the country. To do that they first have to take out his military centres and tanks that are on their way to Benghazi. That would stop his army in their tracks!"
Jackie: "But that would involve missiles! People will get hurt! That's completely unacceptable!"
John: "My God! You're right! Thank goodness we belong to an unbelievably spineless organisation such as 'Stop The War'!"
Jackie: "Exactly. Best thing is just to ignore it. All these wars solely for oil, it's disgusting. Cucumber sandwich?"
John: "Thankyou. I love the sandals."
=========================================================
Once again Barmy Blair
Bliar. You won't believe this, but I met Tony and Cherie again the other day, at the local cinema. I asked Tony what film they were going to watch, and he told me "The Adjustment Bureau" before walking off to buy some popcorn. At that moment Cherie leaned in and whispered into my ear that actually they were there to see "The King's Speech"!!!
That man just CANNOT help himself!
and Clown Brown have shown their extraordinary powers of judgement.
I see what you did there.
They both regaled the reformed Colonel Gaddafi and embraced him into the fold (they are both of course barristers).
I have literally no fucking idea what that last bit is all about. Nevertheless, both men were correct in meeting the man and trying to Westernise him at the time, I believe. It's a shame things haven't exactly worked out, but I can't blame them for trying.
Well Gaddafi has shown he is still the mad dog he always was. No doubt this has enhanced both their global standings. Oh is the price of gold still rising?
D L Barnett
Arleston
I remember blogging about you before. Nice to see you're still wrong.
Anyone else? I'm tired, so let's just have one more.
=========================================================
If I look forward five or six years, I can actually foresee the possibility of UKIP winning a general election.
*Spits out tea all over keyboard in shock.*
*Cleans keyboard, takes another sip and then spits it out again, just for a laugh.*
I think the Lib Dems will disintegrate before much longer, forcing an increasingly unpopular Tory Government to limp into an early general election, which Labour will win, before very quickly finding themselves even more unpopular with an impatient and deeply disaffected electorate. By then, the festering eurozone crisis will have created deep fractures within the EU and the burden of our own financial contribution to shoring it up will create the right conditions for seismic political change.
Bob Jenkins
Stirchley
I wish that in life we had a mute button, both for voices and letters.
There's so much shit in that paragraph I'd love to wade through, but I'm as bored as you are and I want to go and watch the cricket. So let me just say this to you, Robert:
"I, Ewarwoowar III, state at this moment in time (15:23 on the 24th March 2011) that if the United Kingdom Independence Party, otherwise known as UKIP, win a British General Election in the next six years, I will thus change my name, officially, to "Nigel Farage" as well as resigning from the UK's #1 rated entertainment blog, "The Rise and Rise of Tim Lovejoy". So let it be said, so let it be written."
Remind me of that in six years time, won't you?
Sean Bayley calls me homophobic and other vitriolic names for defending the guesthouse couple who refused to give two homosexuals a double bed.
You remember this case, I hope? It's a very tricky one - a Christian couple who own a guesthouse refused to let two gay men stay overnight, based on their religious beliefs. They claimed that if they initially knew they were gay, they would have said they weren't welcome before they pitched up there. As it was, they turned up, got told to clear off, it went to court and it all got very messy.
I find this one very tough to call. On one hand, shops don't have to serve people, and if a biker goes to a pub he can be asked to leave and he can't do a damn thing about it. This couple own a guesthouse, which is also their home, so if they don't want someone in there they're entitled to say "no". HOWEVER in this case, their view is so appalling, so antiquated and so misguided that I find myself opposing them vehemently. And there was me thinking that God loved everyone.
What do you guys think? I'm genuinely undecided. What I am certain of however is that on this topic, sensible, grown up debating is required. No prejudice and no nonsense. So, with that in mind, let's read the rest of the letter!
Well I don't hate gays, but like most people I find the practice abhorrent.
Ah good. This will be an important contribution to the debate.
I feel sorry for the one per cent who are born that way, but for the rest it is a lifestyle choice, accepted, even encouraged in the media and sick magazines.
I interviewed Graham Norton the other day - nice man. When I asked him about his homosexuality, he told me he realised he was gay after reading about it in a "sick magazine". Interesting.
We will regret allowing it being taught to our children. Anything which is unnatural is contrary to God's law and the whole nation will pay the price for allowing it.
Ron Jones
Oswestry
I wonder if Irish Catholic priests abusing and raping children is contrary to God's law?
Let's move on before I get too irate. Needless to say though, Ron Jones goes on the list.
=========================================================
Sixty years ago during National Service with the RAF we airmen were given something to eat similar to mashed potato but tasting just like candle grease.
Right.
I was bitterly disappointed and threw it in the bin.
I see.
Most RAF stations supplied food like my dear late mother made or the fare at the five star Grosvenor Hotel in Chester or the Buck Hotel in Bangor-on-Dee.
Right.
The corporal cook threatened to put me on a charge so I told him "please yourself". However, support came from an ex-Royal Navy man and police corporal.
I see.
The next day, the messing sergeant - a real gentleman - apologised to me "We're having real mashed potato from now on Taff," he said.
Right.
Let's drink to potatoes and vegetables.
Mr Emyr Davies, Wrexham
I just don't really know what to say here. On one hand, this man is clearly elderly, so to mock his irrelevant and uninteresting story would be poor form. On the other hand though, he's Welsh, so fuck it.
=========================================================
So, Desperate Dave,
Nobody has ever called David Cameron that, ever.
badly rattled over the incompetent coalition's mishandling of the Libyan crisis,
Incompetence and mishandling that has passed everyone else in the world by, clearly.
has come out fighting and suddenly appears to relish a war of his own. He threatens to unleash fire and brimstone, a flash man vowing to send the bits of the armed forces he hasn't sacked or sent to the breakers yard. Cameron talks of a no-fly zone while at the same time firing pilots and decommissioning the aircraft carrier HMS Ark Royal. He thinks that Libya could be his Falklands.
This is a real mixed bag, this paragraph. There's some good, there's some bad and then there's some utter bollocks. I particularly enjoy the bit about David Cameron apparently believing that Libya "could be his Falklands". It is true that there have been severe cutbacks in our defence budget, which disappoints me a lot, but then I'm a boy so I'm excited by things that go whizz-bang and have the capacity to unleash sulphur.
The British response to the wave of unrest sweeping North Africa and the Middle East needs a cool head, not a hot-head in power.
Which currently it has. How lovely that the Government (of which I'm not a fan) has been largely praised for the handling of this difficult situation so far (emphasis on the words "so far", your Honour) whilst letters like this are being flinged around by idiots.
John and Jackie Pond
Shrewsbury
I was curious to know what goes on at the Pond residence, so I sneaked round there the other night, crouched under their front window and listened in on their conversation. Fascinating. I taped it as well, it went like this:
John: "Bad news love."
Jackie: "Go on, what?"
John: "Gaddafi is fighting back in Libya, and has just gone on state radio to inform the nation that he's coming round to murder as many people as he can. Women, children, grandparents, doesn't matter."
Jackie: "Oh my god! What can we do?!"
John: "Well, the right thing to do would be to get a coalition of many countries together, get UN backing, and then implement a no-fly zone over the country. To do that they first have to take out his military centres and tanks that are on their way to Benghazi. That would stop his army in their tracks!"
Jackie: "But that would involve missiles! People will get hurt! That's completely unacceptable!"
John: "My God! You're right! Thank goodness we belong to an unbelievably spineless organisation such as 'Stop The War'!"
Jackie: "Exactly. Best thing is just to ignore it. All these wars solely for oil, it's disgusting. Cucumber sandwich?"
John: "Thankyou. I love the sandals."
=========================================================
Once again Barmy Blair
Bliar. You won't believe this, but I met Tony and Cherie again the other day, at the local cinema. I asked Tony what film they were going to watch, and he told me "The Adjustment Bureau" before walking off to buy some popcorn. At that moment Cherie leaned in and whispered into my ear that actually they were there to see "The King's Speech"!!!
That man just CANNOT help himself!
and Clown Brown have shown their extraordinary powers of judgement.
I see what you did there.
They both regaled the reformed Colonel Gaddafi and embraced him into the fold (they are both of course barristers).
I have literally no fucking idea what that last bit is all about. Nevertheless, both men were correct in meeting the man and trying to Westernise him at the time, I believe. It's a shame things haven't exactly worked out, but I can't blame them for trying.
Well Gaddafi has shown he is still the mad dog he always was. No doubt this has enhanced both their global standings. Oh is the price of gold still rising?
D L Barnett
Arleston
I remember blogging about you before. Nice to see you're still wrong.
Anyone else? I'm tired, so let's just have one more.
=========================================================
If I look forward five or six years, I can actually foresee the possibility of UKIP winning a general election.
*Spits out tea all over keyboard in shock.*
*Cleans keyboard, takes another sip and then spits it out again, just for a laugh.*
I think the Lib Dems will disintegrate before much longer, forcing an increasingly unpopular Tory Government to limp into an early general election, which Labour will win, before very quickly finding themselves even more unpopular with an impatient and deeply disaffected electorate. By then, the festering eurozone crisis will have created deep fractures within the EU and the burden of our own financial contribution to shoring it up will create the right conditions for seismic political change.
Bob Jenkins
Stirchley
I wish that in life we had a mute button, both for voices and letters.
There's so much shit in that paragraph I'd love to wade through, but I'm as bored as you are and I want to go and watch the cricket. So let me just say this to you, Robert:
"I, Ewarwoowar III, state at this moment in time (15:23 on the 24th March 2011) that if the United Kingdom Independence Party, otherwise known as UKIP, win a British General Election in the next six years, I will thus change my name, officially, to "Nigel Farage" as well as resigning from the UK's #1 rated entertainment blog, "The Rise and Rise of Tim Lovejoy". So let it be said, so let it be written."
Remind me of that in six years time, won't you?
Friday, 18 March 2011
Red Nose Day 2011 Live-Blog Spectacular...AND IT'S LIVE!
16:33 Welcome, wilkommen, and bienvenue, for what should be a scintillating, savage, saucy, sexy and spectacular Comic Relief night, live on Channel 1 of the British Broadcasting Corporation. And rest assured, if I'm live-blogging it, I'll be with you for every step of the way. Or will I?! More on that in a bit.
The first Red Nose Day was in February, 1988. Of course, nowadays so much has changed since then. At that time, Liverpool FC were a fading force, Colonel Gaddafi ruled Libya, and Lenny Henry was about as funny as a dead gran. Whereas nowadays....
Another thing that hasn't changed is the popularity of the day, so over twenty years later, here we all are now, once again. I know what you're thinking - the event doesn't start till 19:00, Ewar! I know that, my friends, but we have a bit to get through before the big kick-off. I'll let you know more in a few minutes. If you're not doing anything or not going out tonight, keep this page open, and join my guests and I for what should be an outstanding night!
Any comments are very much welcomed, as are tweets. Got a tweet you want publishing? Hook me up on the Twitter machine at @ewarwoowar86 if so. How very modern.
17:45 The important stuff:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/rednoseday/aboutrednoseday/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/rednoseday/dosomething/
https://donate.comicrelief.com/donation/
http://myworld.ebay.co.uk/therealcomicrelief/
18:46 So, here we are now. Dinner is done, and we are moments away from the big kick-off. EXCITING NEWS! Things will be a little different for this live-blog, compared to others I've done in the past. I've had a few helpers before, but this time we're to do it in shifts - ie. I'm doing an hour and a half, before Dan takes over. What is also very exciting is that for tonight I'm welcoming a special guest blogger, so please say a big hello to Football365 Forum legend and all-round good egg Thom, who will be joining us later on in the evening. I'm really looking forward to reading his thoughts. You'll pick up the rota as we go along, but just in case you really care enough to want to know what's happening - it's me to begin, then Dan, then Thom, then me.
It is now 18:58, so here we go...
19:00 Starting with Lenny Henry, fucking hell. I can't stand the man. Should he not be watching this on a crappy Premier Inn television somewhere?
19:02 Claudia Winkleman - MILF? Discuss.
Her sister though! Phwoar!
19:04 "All The King's Speech did for the awareness of speech impediments undone by Lenny Henry in less than 2 minutes. Pretty impressive." - Thom aka @PBC13. Told you he was good.
19:06 If I go remarkably quiet, probably means a "serious bit" is on. Impossible to be funny about these bits, and would be stupid to even try. So, yeah.
19:08 By the way, absolutely no love for Michael McIntyre on my Twitter feed right now. I don't think he's terrible, but he's awfully "safe", isn't he? The comic you can imagine your nan liking.
19:12 I've never seen "Outnumbered". One of my friends thinks it's "absolutely shit", another really loves it. Funny old world innit? Anyway, we have an "Outnumbered" special with Andy Murray, not a man known for his humour, although he's doing a decent job here.
19:14 "Are you British or English?" "Depends if I win or not." Boom. Smashed it out of the park right there, fantastic. Even made me LOL.
19:19 Ha, it's time for Doctor Who. Someone who'll be with you later LOVES this programme, whereas I don't. Mind you, this redhead is gorgeous. She's a very solid 8/10.
19:26 "I was blind, now I can see!" says an African woman, presumably whilst listening to "Movin On Up" by Primal Scream on her iPod.
(Sorry)
19:33 OMFG IT'S THE WANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not a clue, to be honest. At least two of them look gay though.
19:35 "Piddle, I missed the first Doctor Who thing. And now I have to hear The Wanted as punishment. Clungebutter." - @vivelesteve
19:43 It's Celebrity Masterchef! With the aforementioned Claudia, Ruby fucking Wax(!!!) and Miranda Hart, who seems to be on EVERYTHING at the moment. They are apparently cooking for the Prime Minister. It's very japes!
19:46 "Gregg from MasterChef looks like an angry egg." - @td_ward
19:51 Helen Skelton doesn't scrub up too badly you know...
20:00 "Here's a song from two members of McFly." Dougie? Ah, no, surprisingly not.
20:03 Scott Mills standing next to Dermot O'Leary there. One is openly gay, the other absolutely isn't. Honest. Absolutely not gay whatsoever. No idea what you mean by "rumours". Dermot O'Leary is 100% absolutely not gay.
Maybe.
20:05 "If Lorraine Kelly gets her knockers out, I'll donate 50p." - my good friend @MitchthePunk there. Not too sure what to say about that.
20:09 Nice bit of upskirt there from Davina McCall.
20:14 I like Miranda Hart, really I do. But when she's on with Louie Spence I hope to God I'm somewhere else. Now we're onto an 'Autumnwatch' skit with Harry Hill!
20:15 And is that Chris Packham?! Blimey. He reminds me of Michaela Strachan, who was certainly worth a WACADAY.
20:17 Sad seeing Shaun Ryder like this, I won't lie. Like Johnny Rotten doing butter adverts.
20:18 BERNIE CLIFTON!
20:25 Thandie Newton! We've had some honeys tonight, haven't we?
Anyway, that's it from me, for now. After a brief pause, providing I've got all the logistics correct, and all the processors have processed properly, will be my boy Daniel Edmonds aka @spotify_tapes.
Take it away Dan!
The first Red Nose Day was in February, 1988. Of course, nowadays so much has changed since then. At that time, Liverpool FC were a fading force, Colonel Gaddafi ruled Libya, and Lenny Henry was about as funny as a dead gran. Whereas nowadays....
Another thing that hasn't changed is the popularity of the day, so over twenty years later, here we all are now, once again. I know what you're thinking - the event doesn't start till 19:00, Ewar! I know that, my friends, but we have a bit to get through before the big kick-off. I'll let you know more in a few minutes. If you're not doing anything or not going out tonight, keep this page open, and join my guests and I for what should be an outstanding night!
Any comments are very much welcomed, as are tweets. Got a tweet you want publishing? Hook me up on the Twitter machine at @ewarwoowar86 if so. How very modern.
17:45 The important stuff:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/rednoseday/aboutrednoseday/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/rednoseday/dosomething/
https://donate.comicrelief.com/donation/
http://myworld.ebay.co.uk/therealcomicrelief/
18:46 So, here we are now. Dinner is done, and we are moments away from the big kick-off. EXCITING NEWS! Things will be a little different for this live-blog, compared to others I've done in the past. I've had a few helpers before, but this time we're to do it in shifts - ie. I'm doing an hour and a half, before Dan takes over. What is also very exciting is that for tonight I'm welcoming a special guest blogger, so please say a big hello to Football365 Forum legend and all-round good egg Thom, who will be joining us later on in the evening. I'm really looking forward to reading his thoughts. You'll pick up the rota as we go along, but just in case you really care enough to want to know what's happening - it's me to begin, then Dan, then Thom, then me.
It is now 18:58, so here we go...
19:00 Starting with Lenny Henry, fucking hell. I can't stand the man. Should he not be watching this on a crappy Premier Inn television somewhere?
19:02 Claudia Winkleman - MILF? Discuss.
Her sister though! Phwoar!
19:04 "All The King's Speech did for the awareness of speech impediments undone by Lenny Henry in less than 2 minutes. Pretty impressive." - Thom aka @PBC13. Told you he was good.
19:06 If I go remarkably quiet, probably means a "serious bit" is on. Impossible to be funny about these bits, and would be stupid to even try. So, yeah.
19:08 By the way, absolutely no love for Michael McIntyre on my Twitter feed right now. I don't think he's terrible, but he's awfully "safe", isn't he? The comic you can imagine your nan liking.
19:12 I've never seen "Outnumbered". One of my friends thinks it's "absolutely shit", another really loves it. Funny old world innit? Anyway, we have an "Outnumbered" special with Andy Murray, not a man known for his humour, although he's doing a decent job here.
19:14 "Are you British or English?" "Depends if I win or not." Boom. Smashed it out of the park right there, fantastic. Even made me LOL.
19:19 Ha, it's time for Doctor Who. Someone who'll be with you later LOVES this programme, whereas I don't. Mind you, this redhead is gorgeous. She's a very solid 8/10.
19:26 "I was blind, now I can see!" says an African woman, presumably whilst listening to "Movin On Up" by Primal Scream on her iPod.
(Sorry)
19:33 OMFG IT'S THE WANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not a clue, to be honest. At least two of them look gay though.
19:35 "Piddle, I missed the first Doctor Who thing. And now I have to hear The Wanted as punishment. Clungebutter." - @vivelesteve
19:43 It's Celebrity Masterchef! With the aforementioned Claudia, Ruby fucking Wax(!!!) and Miranda Hart, who seems to be on EVERYTHING at the moment. They are apparently cooking for the Prime Minister. It's very japes!
19:46 "Gregg from MasterChef looks like an angry egg." - @td_ward
19:51 Helen Skelton doesn't scrub up too badly you know...
20:00 "Here's a song from two members of McFly." Dougie? Ah, no, surprisingly not.
20:03 Scott Mills standing next to Dermot O'Leary there. One is openly gay, the other absolutely isn't. Honest. Absolutely not gay whatsoever. No idea what you mean by "rumours". Dermot O'Leary is 100% absolutely not gay.
Maybe.
20:05 "If Lorraine Kelly gets her knockers out, I'll donate 50p." - my good friend @MitchthePunk there. Not too sure what to say about that.
20:09 Nice bit of upskirt there from Davina McCall.
20:14 I like Miranda Hart, really I do. But when she's on with Louie Spence I hope to God I'm somewhere else. Now we're onto an 'Autumnwatch' skit with Harry Hill!
20:15 And is that Chris Packham?! Blimey. He reminds me of Michaela Strachan, who was certainly worth a WACADAY.
20:17 Sad seeing Shaun Ryder like this, I won't lie. Like Johnny Rotten doing butter adverts.
20:18 BERNIE CLIFTON!
20:25 Thandie Newton! We've had some honeys tonight, haven't we?
Anyway, that's it from me, for now. After a brief pause, providing I've got all the logistics correct, and all the processors have processed properly, will be my boy Daniel Edmonds aka @spotify_tapes.
Take it away Dan!
======================================================
20:33 Hello. How are you? It's been a while. You're married now! Wow. Great. David Cameron will be happy to hear that as long as he survives this Miranda Hart meal. Anyway, look forward to an hour and half of my nonsense. After 9 there should be some swearing so something might actually be humorous.
20:44 Hard hitting Eastenders episode thing beset by technical errors. That's live television. While we're waiting let's have a babe top 3 so far: 3) Helen Skelton who walked along a wire 2) Roni Acona who walked across a desert but number 1) is Steve Jones who'd grown a spectacularly rugged beard.
20:55 Everything's gone a bit deep and serious. Without wishing to get too analytical the serious bits have been really good tonight. And whatever you think of Lenny Henry, funny or unfunny, he does a good job with this sort of stuff. Fair play to him.
21:05 If this is a film about the effects of drugs, including alcohol, I think the kids are getting pissed on more than a bitesize can of Skol. This is a bit too depressing if I'm honest. Makes Michael McIntyre passable. Bring back the funnies.
21:08 That Eastenders thing was really, really, really ineffective. Christ, I feel like smoking some stuff myself now after that.
21:14 Here's Dermot O'Leary! A man who is definitely not gay. As we clarified earlier. Definitely not. Oh and here come Take That with their experimental new song.
21:33 Ant & Dec are appearing on as many TV shows as possible here. 900,000 people watch the Alan Titchmarsh Show and 1.2 million people watch Loose Women. That's an estimate of just over 2,000,000 stupid wankers.
21:44 As if further proof were needed Peter Kay has lost whatever it was he had. And Susan Boyle as well. Why? Just why? There has been absolutely no funny content within this segment. I feel like bawling my eyes out. Either that or stabbing them with a fork.
21:54 While Adele is crooning away, I'll sign off. It's not been a particularly funny night, but it's been a fairly emotive one. The videos have been superb which more than makes up for the lack of comedy. That's what we're all here for, right? Thom is up next, you can catch him on twitter over at @PBC13. He's a goodun. Switch over to BBC2 now!
======================================================
22:00 Hello everyone! Look! My first half hour is on BBC2, that makes me alternative. Hurrah. Sadly though I am going to have to stomach Robbie Williams for a little while apparently. Cruel.
22:05 I think that Take That sketch might have been funny. I find hard to focus on anything other than blind rage when Williams is around. Sorry about that.
In other news I'd like to add; Lenny, Lenny, Len!
22:10 Lenny, Lenny, Len just walked on hot coals and swore. Shit just got real! Oh look! Here is Miranda and one of the countries many Louie Spence's.
22:16 And here he is! Spence! Ewar loves him, he does. Loves him to pieces.
I hope the fella out of JLS does a backflip, love all that.
22: 19 My favourite JLS is the one who looks like he has a thyroid complaint. Like a black Marty Feldman he is.
22:21 Steve Jones Fact: I once had a piss next to him at London Zoo. Also as pointed out earlier, he does have a lovely rugged beard.
22:28 Chefs singing Rick Astley is happening on the television. One of said chefs is Rusty Lee. What can you say about that really?
22: 35 This seems like some kind of elaborate punishment. Perhaps these chefs have done something wrong to deserve it.
It's Rick Astley. No one expected that. NO ONE! NO ONE I TELL YOU!
22:42 I like James Corden. I know that might be controversial to some, but it's true. Please stay with me though. By the way we are on BBC1 now. I've hit the big time! And here's George Michael. I consider myself a George Michaelist(I like him is what that means)
"You're a joke George, Comic Relief is about helping people like you!"
I like this. It's funny.
22:49 This is excellent! I love it. Bonus Keira Knightley as well. I am all for that. I'd like to touch her.
22:59 I think I have got the best of the night so far! Some funny stuff in the last hour. And the serious films seem to have had a lot of impact this year, even more so than usual.
23:09 This Downton Abbey sketch has got gradually more funny. Also Tim Vine is in it, I once played in a Christian 5-A-Side tournament against him. Very surreal! I'm not even religious!
23:15 Lenny and Fearne have been replaced by Jonathan Ross and "Claudia Winkey-Man" as I think Lenny, Lenny, Len called her. I think I am being replaced soon too. This blog is soon to be back in the arms of it's loving parent and Louie Spence mega-fan, Mr Ewar Woowar.
23:21 Annie Lennox has just tweeted to say she will be performing live at around midnight. If I didn't know that I would have guessed that. That woman loves charity almost as much as she loves androgyny and synth-pop.
I am quite enjoying the blokes from The Inbetweeners looking for rude place names. I once drove past a place on the way to Manchester called Pimbo. Not rude, but quite funny all the same!
23:22 OH MY GOD LORD, IT'S THE DOCTOR!
23:25 I am not going to be able to add anything to Alan Partridge. No one is reading this while Partridge is on anyway! Excellent stuff.
23:29 My time is pretty much up now. I've had fun, I hope some one is still reading this.
WAIT... is this George Michael song a joke? I like him, but this is bad. It's like David Brent!
Anyway, back to Ewar. Goodbye everyone.
Hello Ewar!
======================================================
23:33 Hello Thom, and thankyou for some great blogging! So the circle has come back round to myself, and I'll be here with you until the close of play, which I believe is 1:30am. It better be, anyway, as I'll be watching 'Unsolved Mysteries' on CBS Reality channel at 1:45am. It seems like I've missed a lot - I've not been watching since I cleared off at 20:30 as watching the whole way through would have driven me mad - but there's still a lot to come. First up, here are Elbow. Overrated.
23:41 Well, that was shit. I've never really "got" Elbow.
23:46 Partridge! Excellent. I honestly think the second series of "I'm Alan Partridge" is one of the greatest things that has ever been created.
23:51 Just to clarify - Louie Spence is a stain on society and will be the second person sent off to the camps when I'm Supreme Leader. Can you guess who will be the first?!
23:56 Peter Drury.
00:00 Can't believe I missed that 24 hour panel show thing, looks right up my street. That isn't a joke about David Walliams.
00:06 You'll notice I won't blog as much as I did at the start of the evening. Fatigue plays a part in that - Chris Moyles thinks he had it tough - and also there's going to be lots of stuff repeated soon, as well as lots more of the serious stuff. But I said I'd stick it out to the end, so here we are.
00:10 Gervais! Merchant! Pilkington! BAZINGA! BOSH! Love these fuckers.
00:15 Yeah, they're dragging this out too much. Why not just show it in one continuous form?
00:18 Jon Culshaw impersonating Ross Kemp on a visit to Kellogg's? Why? The real man not available?!
00:23 "I thought Culshaw's impression of Jade Goody was a tad insensitive." - @td_ward
00:33 After a really quite depressing ten minutes, we have The Inbetweeners looking for rude place names. Trying a tad too hard to be "edgy" perhaps, but it's decent.
00:40 Loving the Armstrong and the Miller. Right now, that's all I've got.
00:45 Alan Carr playing up to the fact that he's a homosexual to get laughs. In 2011, this is just really, really sad.
00:54 Not much going on - at the moment it's a serious film with Russell Brand. It does however have a backing of 'Welcome Home' by Radical Face which is a top, top tune, literally.
01:00 Not entirely sure why they need a celebrity version of "Newport State of Mind" but here it is. Oh my god, Howard Marks. Wow.
01:02 JOSIE D'ARBY!
01:04 "You just don't see enough Shakin' Stevens on telly these days." - @Spoony79UK
01:13 Thankyou to the person who landed on my blog after googling "Red Nose Day is shit". In all seriousness, had loads of readers tonight, not entirely sure how many but since 7pm somewhere between 50-100. I don't normally get that many in a week!
01:24 "Axis of Awesome!" These guys are genuinely good, and funny. Reason they've been relegated to this time slot?! C'mon Beeb.
01:29 That was, quite literally, awesome.
01:31 I had it in mind that this thing ended at 1:30am, but it's past that now and it's still going, with a comedy highlight thing to come. But that's it for me.
I wish there wasn't a Comic Relief night, you know. I'm not talking about Lenny Henry when I say that, what I'm saying is that I wish there was no need for it. No need to raise £70m or whatever the final total will be for starving children in Africa, abused children in this country and any other person suffering in any other country.
It's a pipedream, I know. In ten years time they'll be wheeling out Alan Carr again and we'll do it all over again. We'll feel sad and perhaps cry at the videos, and we'll wonder whether there will ever be a day when there would be no need for this night.
Pretty sad, isn't it?
Night.
======================================================
23:33 Hello Thom, and thankyou for some great blogging! So the circle has come back round to myself, and I'll be here with you until the close of play, which I believe is 1:30am. It better be, anyway, as I'll be watching 'Unsolved Mysteries' on CBS Reality channel at 1:45am. It seems like I've missed a lot - I've not been watching since I cleared off at 20:30 as watching the whole way through would have driven me mad - but there's still a lot to come. First up, here are Elbow. Overrated.
23:41 Well, that was shit. I've never really "got" Elbow.
23:46 Partridge! Excellent. I honestly think the second series of "I'm Alan Partridge" is one of the greatest things that has ever been created.
23:51 Just to clarify - Louie Spence is a stain on society and will be the second person sent off to the camps when I'm Supreme Leader. Can you guess who will be the first?!
23:56 Peter Drury.
00:00 Can't believe I missed that 24 hour panel show thing, looks right up my street. That isn't a joke about David Walliams.
00:06 You'll notice I won't blog as much as I did at the start of the evening. Fatigue plays a part in that - Chris Moyles thinks he had it tough - and also there's going to be lots of stuff repeated soon, as well as lots more of the serious stuff. But I said I'd stick it out to the end, so here we are.
00:10 Gervais! Merchant! Pilkington! BAZINGA! BOSH! Love these fuckers.
00:15 Yeah, they're dragging this out too much. Why not just show it in one continuous form?
00:18 Jon Culshaw impersonating Ross Kemp on a visit to Kellogg's? Why? The real man not available?!
00:23 "I thought Culshaw's impression of Jade Goody was a tad insensitive." - @td_ward
00:33 After a really quite depressing ten minutes, we have The Inbetweeners looking for rude place names. Trying a tad too hard to be "edgy" perhaps, but it's decent.
00:40 Loving the Armstrong and the Miller. Right now, that's all I've got.
00:45 Alan Carr playing up to the fact that he's a homosexual to get laughs. In 2011, this is just really, really sad.
00:54 Not much going on - at the moment it's a serious film with Russell Brand. It does however have a backing of 'Welcome Home' by Radical Face which is a top, top tune, literally.
01:00 Not entirely sure why they need a celebrity version of "Newport State of Mind" but here it is. Oh my god, Howard Marks. Wow.
01:02 JOSIE D'ARBY!
01:04 "You just don't see enough Shakin' Stevens on telly these days." - @Spoony79UK
01:13 Thankyou to the person who landed on my blog after googling "Red Nose Day is shit". In all seriousness, had loads of readers tonight, not entirely sure how many but since 7pm somewhere between 50-100. I don't normally get that many in a week!
01:24 "Axis of Awesome!" These guys are genuinely good, and funny. Reason they've been relegated to this time slot?! C'mon Beeb.
01:29 That was, quite literally, awesome.
01:31 I had it in mind that this thing ended at 1:30am, but it's past that now and it's still going, with a comedy highlight thing to come. But that's it for me.
I wish there wasn't a Comic Relief night, you know. I'm not talking about Lenny Henry when I say that, what I'm saying is that I wish there was no need for it. No need to raise £70m or whatever the final total will be for starving children in Africa, abused children in this country and any other person suffering in any other country.
It's a pipedream, I know. In ten years time they'll be wheeling out Alan Carr again and we'll do it all over again. We'll feel sad and perhaps cry at the videos, and we'll wonder whether there will ever be a day when there would be no need for this night.
Pretty sad, isn't it?
Night.
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Take A Bow, Rebecca Black
Yes indeedy, it's the new sensation that's sweeping it's way across the internet at breathtaking speed!
You may remember I blogged about Justin Bieber a few weeks ago. The awful thing is that the way 'Biebs' was successfully manufactured has not passed others by, so now record companies are trying this trick with other teeny boppers. If they give 50 of them a go, and just 1 pays off and rakes in millions, the fact that the other 49 are awfully shite doesn't really matter.
There is so much I can say about this song/video, but to be honest a) you can probably make your own mind up about it and b) it's causing such a furore that you've probably read everybodys thoughts about it already. Needless to say, it's not great.
Rebecca Black, here's to your 15 minutes of fame dear:
Talking of, well, Friday, I'll be live-blogging Red Nose Day/Night this Friday evening from 7pm.* Make a note of that in your diaries, it should be a lot of fun. Well, probably not, but you know. Please do join me and hopefully some others then!
*Providing death and man-flu stays away.
You may remember I blogged about Justin Bieber a few weeks ago. The awful thing is that the way 'Biebs' was successfully manufactured has not passed others by, so now record companies are trying this trick with other teeny boppers. If they give 50 of them a go, and just 1 pays off and rakes in millions, the fact that the other 49 are awfully shite doesn't really matter.
There is so much I can say about this song/video, but to be honest a) you can probably make your own mind up about it and b) it's causing such a furore that you've probably read everybodys thoughts about it already. Needless to say, it's not great.
Rebecca Black, here's to your 15 minutes of fame dear:
Talking of, well, Friday, I'll be live-blogging Red Nose Day/Night this Friday evening from 7pm.* Make a note of that in your diaries, it should be a lot of fun. Well, probably not, but you know. Please do join me and hopefully some others then!
*Providing death and man-flu stays away.
Thursday, 10 March 2011
The One Where I Could Share A Kebab With Dido
Well gosh my giddy aunt, what a fuss!
"Twit Relief" isn't even a day old, yet already it's caused so much commotion and uproar on Twitter. For those not on the social networking site, and are perhaps unaware of what I'm talking about, let me guide you through this.
We are in Comic Relief territory, with Red Nose Day itself coming up next Friday (Important Ewar note! I hope to be live-blogging the event. Make sure to set your alarms and join me for that) so charity fund-raising and shenanigans are on-going. Now the good people at Comic Relief wanted to do something a bit special, a bit more interesting than getting Lenny Henry to run a marathon in a dog costume, or John Barrowman to take a bath in baked beans. So they came up with "Twit Relief".
The premise of it is this: Comic Relief have recruited over 100 "famous" people (I hate that phrase and I'll touch on that later) and put them up on eBay listings with the public allowed to bid on them. Winning bids go to the charity, obviously. The main crux of the matter was Twitter-based. The chosen "famous" person would 'follow' the auction winner on Twitter, would 're-tweet' them and talk to them on there. That was good, but a bit hollow, so they've also put up various other goodies and prizes for the winner - I'll list a few in a minute, some are genuinely awesome.
It's all for charity, and it's just a bit of silliness yet Twitter has gone slightly potty over this today. I thought this would be a better blog entry if I kept my opinion out of it initially, and presented some opinions from supporters and critics. So, here's a selection:
Well hot damn! Every tweet I read on this and every opinion I take in just makes my mind even more muddled. I acknowledge every tweet above, and I can certainly see what the critics are saying. You see, this doesn't look great. I mentioned earlier how I hated the phrase "a famous person". Because who is famous? Someone might get a degree in Broadcasting, put on a suit, walk to BBC Studios and present a live gameshow/chat show/panel show. Does that make them somehow better than you or I? Not really, in my opinion. It means they have a job in the public eye.
I think in relation to Twitter, this is even more interesting. When I load up my Twitter program called Tweetdeck, it always strikes me how the people I care about, the people I'm really interested in, the people who's tweets I always read and look forward to reading, are the so called riff-raff, the people who aren't famous. I follow about 600 people, and I follow "famous people" (eurgh) and "non-famous people" (eurgh) but I guarantee you it's the latter that are more interesting. If someone put a gun to my head and asked me to 'unfollow' half of those 600, and leave me with 300, I wouldn't unfollow @Vicky1978, @PBC13, @benjaminjudge, @Sidekick28, @spotify_tapes (well, maybe I would), @MFoxx2 and SO MANY others I could name. It'd be Kim Kardashian, it'd be Kylie Minogue, it'd be Charlie Sheen. Oh, they're famous, but they're fucking boring/insane.
For me, what I love about Twitter isn't the latter. It's the former - making new friends, talking to people I wouldn't have ever met otherwise and enjoying the creativity of others. I've sent Christmas cards to people I like on Twitter, which was pretty cool. All of this is why I find the whole "Winner of this auction will have Boy George following them!!" a bit shit. A) So what, and B) He was in an 80s band who did a few catchy songs but that's it. He's not a super-human. My boy "G" was right in his tweet which you see above - what an awfully hollow, empty "validation".
The list hasn't been finalised yet - they seem to be putting one auction an hour up on this site http://bit.ly/eclf64 - but there are so many people I like taking part. Christian O'Connell, Richard Curtis, Nick Frost, Miranda Hart, Alexander Armstrong, Chris Addison, Krishnan Guru Murphy, Graham Linehan, Emma Kennedy, Marcus Brigstocke and others. These are good people! And Linehan's tweet is relevant - it's for charity, it raises serious money, these guys are doing what they can. And some of the prizes ARE great - a walk-on extra part in Curtis's next film, an actual bloody Morph(!), rugby coaching session with Martin Corry, signed IT Crowd script, passes to Silverstone and many more. There's something for everyone.
All of which leads me to feel even more confused than I did at the start of this blog post. So it's over to you - this a good idea, or patronising and ill-thought out?
"Twit Relief" isn't even a day old, yet already it's caused so much commotion and uproar on Twitter. For those not on the social networking site, and are perhaps unaware of what I'm talking about, let me guide you through this.
We are in Comic Relief territory, with Red Nose Day itself coming up next Friday (Important Ewar note! I hope to be live-blogging the event. Make sure to set your alarms and join me for that) so charity fund-raising and shenanigans are on-going. Now the good people at Comic Relief wanted to do something a bit special, a bit more interesting than getting Lenny Henry to run a marathon in a dog costume, or John Barrowman to take a bath in baked beans. So they came up with "Twit Relief".
The premise of it is this: Comic Relief have recruited over 100 "famous" people (I hate that phrase and I'll touch on that later) and put them up on eBay listings with the public allowed to bid on them. Winning bids go to the charity, obviously. The main crux of the matter was Twitter-based. The chosen "famous" person would 'follow' the auction winner on Twitter, would 're-tweet' them and talk to them on there. That was good, but a bit hollow, so they've also put up various other goodies and prizes for the winner - I'll list a few in a minute, some are genuinely awesome.
It's all for charity, and it's just a bit of silliness yet Twitter has gone slightly potty over this today. I thought this would be a better blog entry if I kept my opinion out of it initially, and presented some opinions from supporters and critics. So, here's a selection:
Got too much cash? Crave the empty validation of forcing a minor celebrity to read your mooings? #twitrelief: parting fools and their money. (@ViveLeSteve)
#twitrelief will do nothing but force those celebs who ignore your messages anyway, to reply once and then forget you exist. (@Orbette)
Isn't the #twitrelief outcry a touch hypocritical? Let those who have never followed a celebrity cast the first stone.. (@McGuireDavid)
It's the self-important, self-serving nature of the people doing it that grates. (@Philaldo9)
Those complaining about #twitrelief, you know it's for charity, right? Clean water programs, that kind of thing? (@Glinner)
Well hot damn! Every tweet I read on this and every opinion I take in just makes my mind even more muddled. I acknowledge every tweet above, and I can certainly see what the critics are saying. You see, this doesn't look great. I mentioned earlier how I hated the phrase "a famous person". Because who is famous? Someone might get a degree in Broadcasting, put on a suit, walk to BBC Studios and present a live gameshow/chat show/panel show. Does that make them somehow better than you or I? Not really, in my opinion. It means they have a job in the public eye.
I think in relation to Twitter, this is even more interesting. When I load up my Twitter program called Tweetdeck, it always strikes me how the people I care about, the people I'm really interested in, the people who's tweets I always read and look forward to reading, are the so called riff-raff, the people who aren't famous. I follow about 600 people, and I follow "famous people" (eurgh) and "non-famous people" (eurgh) but I guarantee you it's the latter that are more interesting. If someone put a gun to my head and asked me to 'unfollow' half of those 600, and leave me with 300, I wouldn't unfollow @Vicky1978, @PBC13, @benjaminjudge, @Sidekick28, @spotify_tapes (well, maybe I would), @MFoxx2 and SO MANY others I could name. It'd be Kim Kardashian, it'd be Kylie Minogue, it'd be Charlie Sheen. Oh, they're famous, but they're fucking boring/insane.
For me, what I love about Twitter isn't the latter. It's the former - making new friends, talking to people I wouldn't have ever met otherwise and enjoying the creativity of others. I've sent Christmas cards to people I like on Twitter, which was pretty cool. All of this is why I find the whole "Winner of this auction will have Boy George following them!!" a bit shit. A) So what, and B) He was in an 80s band who did a few catchy songs but that's it. He's not a super-human. My boy "G" was right in his tweet which you see above - what an awfully hollow, empty "validation".
The list hasn't been finalised yet - they seem to be putting one auction an hour up on this site http://bit.ly/eclf64 - but there are so many people I like taking part. Christian O'Connell, Richard Curtis, Nick Frost, Miranda Hart, Alexander Armstrong, Chris Addison, Krishnan Guru Murphy, Graham Linehan, Emma Kennedy, Marcus Brigstocke and others. These are good people! And Linehan's tweet is relevant - it's for charity, it raises serious money, these guys are doing what they can. And some of the prizes ARE great - a walk-on extra part in Curtis's next film, an actual bloody Morph(!), rugby coaching session with Martin Corry, signed IT Crowd script, passes to Silverstone and many more. There's something for everyone.
All of which leads me to feel even more confused than I did at the start of this blog post. So it's over to you - this a good idea, or patronising and ill-thought out?
Thursday, 3 March 2011
Met Check
Hallo all.
At the moment I'm really quite busy. As well as other stuff, I've just started writing my thessertation (my name for this project which 50% of people say 'thesis', other 50% say 'dissertation) which is very scary and very difficult. However, I'm cracking along well, and I'm very satisfied with the 13 words I've put down so far.
What this means though is that right now I don't have an awful lot of time to ponder, research, and then write blog posts. And there was you thinking I just put down any old shit - oh no, a lot of effort goes into TRAROTL. Admittedly, 75% of that effort is from Val Duncan (who's annoyingly quiet at the moment). Nevertheless, I thought I would just throw something out there, as I'm such an awful attention-seeker.
Have you met any "famous" people? I have, and I enjoy telling Dan all about my meetings with the illuminati (not entirely sure that's the right word) often, which drives him mad. Particularly as he can only counter with "Some West Brom player handed me some exam results once." An anecdote so bad, I've honestly forgotten who it was.
Anyway, in the spirit of this thread: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=925567 here's who I've met. I'll try and remember them all, but I know I won't.
FOOTBALL
Peter Schmeichel - alright.
Roy Keane - dickhead.
Paul Scholes - quiet.
Ruud van Nistelrooy - alright.
Kieran Richardson - flirted with my step-sister.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer - a true gent.
John Hollins - nice.
Gary Stevens - okay, bit surly, but then I did interrupt him having lunch with his son so forgiven.
GOLF
Rory McIlroy - top, top fella.
Colin Montgomerie - as you'd expect. Let's just say that.
Thomas Bjorn - bit surly, but managed to sign an autograph whilst carrying a golfbag and smoking, which impressed me.
Darren Clarke - physically imposing.
Paul McGinley - legend.
Paul Lawrie - bit miserable.
DARTS
Adrian Lewis - top, top fella. Called me "ducky".
Gary Anderson - top, top fella. Legend.
Phil Taylor - alright. No more, no less.
Raymond van Barneveld - dickhead.
Tony O'Shea - top fella.
Alan Warriner-Little - nice man.
Gary Mason - alright, but scary. You may want to wiki him to find out why I was shitting myself a bit meeting him.
Steve Beaton - a gent.
Kirk Shephard - surprisingly nice.
Mervyn King - alright.
Colin Lloyd - top fella.
ASSORTED OTHERS
Will Greenwood - legend.
Helen Chamberlain - lovely, lovely, lovely.
Nicholas Parsons - utter dickhead. I literally hate him.
Matt Smith (from ITV Sport, not Dr Who) - alright.
Tino Martinez - far too good looking.
I can't remember any more. Ever met a celebrity? Leave a comment if so!
At the moment I'm really quite busy. As well as other stuff, I've just started writing my thessertation (my name for this project which 50% of people say 'thesis', other 50% say 'dissertation) which is very scary and very difficult. However, I'm cracking along well, and I'm very satisfied with the 13 words I've put down so far.
What this means though is that right now I don't have an awful lot of time to ponder, research, and then write blog posts. And there was you thinking I just put down any old shit - oh no, a lot of effort goes into TRAROTL. Admittedly, 75% of that effort is from Val Duncan (who's annoyingly quiet at the moment). Nevertheless, I thought I would just throw something out there, as I'm such an awful attention-seeker.
Have you met any "famous" people? I have, and I enjoy telling Dan all about my meetings with the illuminati (not entirely sure that's the right word) often, which drives him mad. Particularly as he can only counter with "Some West Brom player handed me some exam results once." An anecdote so bad, I've honestly forgotten who it was.
Anyway, in the spirit of this thread: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=925567 here's who I've met. I'll try and remember them all, but I know I won't.
FOOTBALL
Peter Schmeichel - alright.
Roy Keane - dickhead.
Paul Scholes - quiet.
Ruud van Nistelrooy - alright.
Kieran Richardson - flirted with my step-sister.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer - a true gent.
John Hollins - nice.
Gary Stevens - okay, bit surly, but then I did interrupt him having lunch with his son so forgiven.
GOLF
Rory McIlroy - top, top fella.
Colin Montgomerie - as you'd expect. Let's just say that.
Thomas Bjorn - bit surly, but managed to sign an autograph whilst carrying a golfbag and smoking, which impressed me.
Darren Clarke - physically imposing.
Paul McGinley - legend.
Paul Lawrie - bit miserable.
DARTS
Adrian Lewis - top, top fella. Called me "ducky".
Gary Anderson - top, top fella. Legend.
Phil Taylor - alright. No more, no less.
Raymond van Barneveld - dickhead.
Tony O'Shea - top fella.
Alan Warriner-Little - nice man.
Gary Mason - alright, but scary. You may want to wiki him to find out why I was shitting myself a bit meeting him.
Steve Beaton - a gent.
Kirk Shephard - surprisingly nice.
Mervyn King - alright.
Colin Lloyd - top fella.
ASSORTED OTHERS
Will Greenwood - legend.
Helen Chamberlain - lovely, lovely, lovely.
Nicholas Parsons - utter dickhead. I literally hate him.
Matt Smith (from ITV Sport, not Dr Who) - alright.
Tino Martinez - far too good looking.
I can't remember any more. Ever met a celebrity? Leave a comment if so!
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
A Musical Interlude
I don't know about you, but sometimes I hear a piece of music - normally on an advert - and think "Blimey, I KNOW that....but I don't know what it's called, or who it's by." This is, naturally, a bit frustrating. Most of the time, for me, it's classical music, as I wouldn't know my Ludwig van Beethoven from my Ludwig Wittgenstein.
So, I thought I would try and remedy this - to try and expand my musical library a little. After doing a lot of Shazaming (ignore that if you don't have an iPhone), a bit of digging, a bit of Googling and Youtubing, I found quite a few of these pieces that had annoyed me for years, and bookmarked them. However, as I have nothing else to blog about, I thought I'd share them with you all.
If you're a nerd like Dan, chances are you'll look at all of these videos and think "Well, I knew that." Well, bully for you, but I didn't, and it may be that others don't either. If I've helped out one reader by doing this, I'll be delighted. And if you don't recognise any of these at all (I'd be surprised) then don't despair - Val Duncan will write another stupid letter soon and I'll go back to my usual bloggyness.
Until then however, let's have some music!
Good luck getting that last one out of your head!
So, I thought I would try and remedy this - to try and expand my musical library a little. After doing a lot of Shazaming (ignore that if you don't have an iPhone), a bit of digging, a bit of Googling and Youtubing, I found quite a few of these pieces that had annoyed me for years, and bookmarked them. However, as I have nothing else to blog about, I thought I'd share them with you all.
If you're a nerd like Dan, chances are you'll look at all of these videos and think "Well, I knew that." Well, bully for you, but I didn't, and it may be that others don't either. If I've helped out one reader by doing this, I'll be delighted. And if you don't recognise any of these at all (I'd be surprised) then don't despair - Val Duncan will write another stupid letter soon and I'll go back to my usual bloggyness.
Until then however, let's have some music!
Good luck getting that last one out of your head!
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